Category: humor

What Made Me Laugh This Week: Dec 5th

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I was digging in my dad’s humor note cards again this week and found this story:

A woman hired a carpet layer to put down a huge new carpet. It was a job that took most of the day. After the largest room was laid, the worker stepped outside for a smoking break. But he couldn’t find his pack of cigarettes. He went back in to look for them and saw a small lump in the middle of the huge living room carpet. There was no way he was going to pull the carpet up – so he got a mallet from his truck and pounded it flat.

Just then the woman came in. “Oh” she said, “I found these cigarettes in the other room. Are they yours? Now if I can just find my parakeet…”

What Made Me Laugh: Nov. 28

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My 2-year-old loves to wear his sister’s shoes that have sparkly toes that light up when you walk. They are 4 sizes too big for him but once he gets his feet into them, he somehow commits to keeping them on.

The other night he had them on when we were goofing around before bedtime. My daughter wanted to push the button on the side of the shoe that makes them light up even if you aren’t walking. My toddler emphatically stated, “Don’t push my buttons!”

Long before he knows about literal and metaphorical meanings, he nailed the delivery.

What Made Me Laugh This Week: Nov 21

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I came across my dad’s “humor” notecards this week. Humor was often my dad’s way into a sermon or talk, creating a shared laugh so that the audience could exhale into the moment. Holding these notecards that I’ve had tucked away these many years since we cleaned off his desk, I felt the same release of distance as I laughed at these items that reflect his gentle sense of humor.

Here are two items from his stack:

A 12-year-old was coming out of church with his father and saw a large board with rows of little name plates. He asked his dad what it meant and his father replied, “Those are the names of people from our church who died in the service.” The boy paused then asked, “Which one – the 9:30 or the 11?”

Things I Learned as a Child

  1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
  2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let your mom brush your hair.
  3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
  4. Never asks a three-year-old to hold a tomato.
  5. Whether she’s real or not, you should believe in the tooth fairy if you like money.
  6. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
  7. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
  8. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  9. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
  10. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.