Ropes are Relational

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“A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I awoke Friday morning to the sound of a drip in my bathroom. Amazing how a drop of water in another room landing on a bath mat that’s designed to absorb water can penetrate the unconscious. It felt like I came abruptly awake and then sat straight up listening. It reminds me of something I heard from acoustic ecologist Gordon Hempton that our ears never sleep, even when our brain does.

The vent on the fan was the source of the leak. So this weekend I got out one of my climbing ropes so that I could do some repair work on the roof. Afterwords, as I was coiling the rope, I was struck by how ropes are like friendship. It takes me a long time to coil a 60 meter rope so perhaps I was just delirious but I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch.

Ropes help us cross dangerous terrain: In the mountains when conditions are icy, steep, or pitted with crevasses, being roped to a team helps ensure safety if someone falls. We know from research, like the longitudinal study that Dr. Robert Wallinger talks about in his TED talk, that friendship has a similar effect. Good relationships keep us happy and healthy.

It’s easier to unkink a rope when it’s not frozen: Ropes, like friendships, get knotted and kinked sometimes. Ropes, like friendships, are easier to unkink when they aren’t frozen. When guides come back into camp after a summit or training exercise, they take care of the ropes right away. Even when the conditions are rough and people are tired and sore, it’s worth the effort to straighten and coil it before it freezes. In my experience, this is true for friendships as well.

Ropes are heavy: Carrying a climbing rope adds around 10 pounds to your pack, more if the rope is wet. When my friends and I climbed together, we’d divvy up the group gear to spread the load. But often when a climber isn’t feeling well, a team member will carry the rope for them. In my experience of good friendships, the same thing happens with carrying the weight of the relationship. Often, it isn’t a completely equitable split of time and effort that makes a friendship work but the willingness of both parties to switch off carrying the load when things get rough or busy.

Here’s the other thing that I love about ropes – they require me to find someone to hold the other end. I tend towards the stubbornly independent so this slows me down enough to get help. As I coiled the rope back up, I also appreciated how reassuring it was to have my mom and sister-in-law there when I roped up to repair the seal around the fan vent. I never slipped or needed the rope to catch me but I knew it was there and it made me feel safer. Just like my friendships.

(featured photo is mine of a rope coiling at the climbing gym)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

69 thoughts on “Ropes are Relational”

  1. What a great analogy, Wynne. Yes, friendships really are like ropes, beneficial and especially when we take good care of them. Also, the Hempton quote about “our ears never sleep, even when our brain does” is so true, isn’t’ it?

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  2. I really love your analogy Wynne. Yes, it’s important to look after and tender care to our friendships, just as it is to our ropes. Otherwise we may end up losing their support and value, even getting badly wounded in the process. 😔

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  4. Good perspective on ropes and relationships, Wynne!

    And suddenly I’m thinking of the song “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” as made famous by The Hollies, and sung by many.

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  5. Love the analogy of ropes to describe friendships, Wynne. It does help when there are more people to carry the load and to also step in when one is unwell. I also like to think sometimes a little slack is needed in carrying that rope but the test comes when things tense up and everyone has to hang on very tightly onto their own parts. So many ways we can tease out this lovely metaphor.

    Hope you all have a nice week ahead. T just exclaimed from upstairs it’s almost the end of 2025!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I love how you’ve teased out the metaphor. Yes, sometimes slack is needed so we can all move — that’s brilliant!

      I hope you all have a great week! T’s right – it’s crazy close to the end of the year. Amazing!

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  16. I love your metaphors for life, Wynne. I think the key is not to let those ropes stay kinked for a long time when we have a misunderstanding with friends. People who don’t work to get things right may always have tangled ropes.

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  19. A rope is a great analogy for relationships, Wynne. The expression “I’m at the end of my rope” can be considered a plea for someone you care about to come along and pull you back to a safer, sane place. Of course, the point being there is someone or someones holding that rope as well. And, I knew with your climbing background you would be well-positioned to explain how important they are from both a functional and emotional viewpoint. Great post!

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  21. I was so happy hear you mom and sister-in-law were holding down the rope. We need our anchor people! And as always, you are impressive in so many ways, dear Wynne. Your beautiful metaphor here and your gumption to dig in and do the things…so many household things…which must be tackled! I’m not worthy…LOL! 😊❤️😊

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    1. Anchor people — that is a perfect way to put it! Thank you for this lovely comment and compliment. Mostly it’s because I don’t have a choice but I’ll take the compliment. 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  22. wow, what a great metaphor, that is so well said and you are right on all counts. plus I am so impressed with your mountain climbing experience and your roof climbing experience, neither one is in my wheelhouse of skills. great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Beth. I can’t say roof repair is any part of my wheelhouse but I went to Fred Meyer and found something that seemed perfect for the job so I figured I’d get out there and try it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Such a good question, Mary. They thought it was a lot of fun. But they are good climbers so it’s not surprising they weren’t overly bothered that I had to climb on the roof. 🙂

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  25. A lovely analogy, Wynne. As always, there is another side to this, as in “being roped into” something. A friend would not play this trick, importantly.

    Liked by 1 person

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  32. I love your analogy about ropes and friendships, knot a fault in it! 😉 I also love how you whipped out your climbing ropes to repair your roof!

    Liked by 1 person

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