Things About Parenting I Think I’ve Learned So Far, Part 2

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“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” – W.E.B. Dubois

It’s been a couple of years since I originally compiled a list of what I thought I knew. As I sit down to write this update, I realize that the richness of parenting comes with a lot of doubt. What works one day with one kid doesn’t necessarily work the next with another.

So in the spirit of admitting that I don’t really know anything, but still keep trying, here’s what I think I’ve learned about parenting recently.

Don’t interrupt a child trying to tie their shoes.

Once they talk like adults, it’s harder to remember that they don’t have the brain development to go along with the vocabulary.
Remembering that BEFORE I speak is what comes with maturity

It takes a lot of food to support those growing brains. One trick is to teach them to cook.
Anything they participate in making tastes better.

Once they are out of car seats, it’s much easier to get IN the car.
But it’s harder to get TO the car.

Motivation is touchy – too much pressure and they zing out of control. Too little pressure and they don’t move. It’s like coaxing an element from solid to liquid form so be careful with the Bunson Burner.

Many clues about the internal state can be discerned by listening. As Lawrence Cohen said, “Children don’t say ‘I had a hard day, can we talk?’ They say, ‘Will you play with me?‘”

Growth is not a straight line.

Some issues will solve themselves without parental involvement. Learn to hang back.

Confidence and independence go hand-in-hand. But both start from the heart. When we believe they can, they do too.

Listening to what a child observes is one of the most rewarding parts of parenting. When they report on a purple house, the first star at night, or the sound of a bird as it taps on a wire, stop everything to take it in.

I still haven’t solved the sock problem. They get stuffed behind the pillow, under the couch, in my purse, and on the porch. Most mystifying, or maddening, is when they end up back with the clean socks.

There will be things that drive you crazy. Like the socks. Or the last half hour before bedtime.
Coping with parenting is like looking at an optical illusion where you can see the old lady with the big chin or the young lady with a hat.
Pick the perspective that fills you with joy.  

Be gentle. Be calm. Be kind. And that includes to yourself.

Riding bikes to the ice cream shop always improves the mood.

There are many different types of closeness. But one definition, proximity, helps to create a lot of the other types.
Being proximate and close means you’ll sometimes feel the sting of growing pains. Understanding that’s what it is will help to salve the sting.

Other people’s emotions can be hard to handle.
That circular relationship of handling my emotions about their emotions is instrumental to growing up… for me and for them.

Learning is almost always messy.

This is clearly a personal call but maybe clean less than you think you should and play more than you think you should.

The amount of time you spend playing with your kids when they are young and you are old and busy has a relationship to how much time they spend with you when you are old and they are grown and busy.

When kids are parked in their big spaces, proud and confident, they act better.
Being someone who helps move the mindset from small and whiny to big and empowered is tricky…and powerful!

Dreams are precious. Just listen.

(featured photo is my kids and me after biking in the rain. Thanks to Dave Williams for his edits to take the names off the helmets).

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

79 thoughts on “Things About Parenting I Think I’ve Learned So Far, Part 2”

  2. Pingback: Things About Parenting I Think I’ve Learned So Far, Part 2 | Pinwheel in a Hurricane

  5. So many gems here, Wynne…I especially like this: “Motivation is touchy – too much pressure and they zing out of control. Too little pressure and they don’t move.” Good relationship wisdom right there! 🥰

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Thanks Wynne for this wealth of insightful snippets of the joy children bring to parenthood if we but take the time to stop – look – listen – and participate with them.

    “The amount of time you spend playing with your kids when they are young and you are old and busy has a relationship to how much time they spend with you when you are old and they are grown and busy.” . . . and it infectiously keeps us young vicariously participating in their childhood 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The sock problem will stay in the years to come. Would you believe that also for my son who is 24 and lives on his own, I keep finding socks when he comes to pay a visit to us and sleeps over 🤣

    Liked by 3 people

  9. All good points. Why do we always realize these things after the fact? (at least that’s how it was with me). The upside is that we can use these things with the grandchildren. Perhaps that’s why we are often better grandparents than parents. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  10. These are all such wonderful insights and lessons learned, Wynne. I particularly appreciate the reminder that just cuz they can speak like an adult doesn’t mean they’ve matured into one just yet. A kind reminder today!

    I so wish I could get our cooking club with T started. I bet you are right that he will be more willing to eat what he partook in making!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It works magically with Miss O — which isn’t to say that I get her to do it very often. But when she makes scrambled eggs, I swear she eats twice as much as when I make them the exact same way…

      So here’s to cooking club and parents supporting each other. Thank you, Ab!

      Liked by 2 people

  11. “Dreams are precious.” Just listen. Love this!

    Honey Wynne, I simply love your lessons learned and many of them are comical! Bless you my friend. Talk about patience and understanding, sprinkled with a little love! 🥰💖😍

    Liked by 1 person

  14. My mom once said a messy home is the sign of a good mom. Goes with your clean less-play more lesson! Keep in mind my mom was always a fastidious cleaner. She later regretted that.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. What a wise list, Wynne. I love this one, “Some issues will solve themselves without parental involvement. Learn to hang back.” There’s nothing worse than a helicopter parent. My daughter Laura tells me of university students whose parents intervene in roommate and residence issues rather than letting their adult children figure things out for themselves. I shake my head!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Love the advice, Wynne! Especially this—“Be gentle. Be calm. Be kind. And that includes to yourself.”

    I would also add grace. One thing that helped me when my kids were growing up, and still today, I have to remember that I was once their age. This is where extending grace comes in, especially when we don’t agree.☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Parenting involves that tricky balance between wanting to teach your kids independence but allowing them to struggle a bit while still supporting them. One of the messages parents sometimes need to hear is, “Quit doing everything for him.” (Said in a tactful manner.) Children always feel proud of themselves when they master something, and it gives them confidence the next time to push forward when they get stuck. Perseverance is a life skill.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. This is so awesome to witness – “Listening to what a child observes is one of the most rewarding parts”. The fantastic thing is this list will continue to evolve for all the rest of your life. Once a mom, always a mom. 💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Fabulous wisdom!! I’ll never forget when I learned to invite my son to tell me about something he made instead of assuming I knew all about it. The breadth of his imagination always surprised me.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I’m impressed with the entire thoughful list, Wynne. This one spoke to me: Confidence and independence go hand-in-hand. But both start from the heart. When we believe they can, they do too. Yes! And this one is relevent past elementary, even high school. Basically, being a supportive parent never stops. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Lots of gems here, Wynne 🙂 I smiled and nodded while reading your post. The two listening items — dreams and what children observe — hit me especially. Goodness, yes. The enthusiasm that our kids feel and share with us 🌞

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Soooo many great points! Love these. Don’t worry about the socks! My daughter and the girls wear mismatched socks all the time because it’s impossible to match them when the mate is stuffed in the sofa or under it. Mr. D buys bags of black socks, so he doesn’t have to worry about matching. Keep doing what you’ve been doing, it’s all amazing!!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Less cleaning, more playing is a philosophy I can get behind.

    Also, I hate to tell you this, but the sock problem doesn’t magically go away once your kids are older. I still pick Tara’s off the floor from time to time!

    Like

  27. Less cleaning, more playing is a philosophy I can get behind.

    Also, I hate to tell you this, but the sock problem doesn’t magically go away once your kids are older. I still pick Tara’s off the floor from time to time!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. A rich and delightful share! Thank you, Wynne. Making this mom with a grownup girl, smile. “Once they talk like adults… ” hold on to those early words, that were uniquely theirs on the way to adult speak. 😊🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

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  36. This is a solid relatable list. Number two really strikes a chord with me, as we often forget kids truly say, the darndest things without any real understanding.  Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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