Too Mad To Listen

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“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain

I saw this gas station sign and it reminded me of a story from many years ago.

The house next door to mine used to be a duplex. On the main floor lived a 40-something year old opera singer and music teacher who had lived there for nearly twenty years. She gardened and was friendly with all the neighbors so it was easy to get to know her.

One summer, a new renter moved into the top floor. She was younger than the opera singer – maybe in her early 30’s. I frequently saw her roller skating around the little lake we live near wearing bright red lipstick. She was noticeable but harder to get to know beyond a wave here and there.

The roller skater frequently walked loudly in high heels when she was home and slammed her kitchen cupboards late at night. This was keeping the opera singer in the apartment below her awake past her bedtime. She tried to ask her to stop. The roller skater didn’t want to talk about it. So, the opera singer tried sending her an email. The roller skater’s dad who lived in Florida called her to tell her to stop bothering his daughter.

Then one night the roller skater came home, parked her car in the driveway and left her car lights on. The opera singer noticed and tried to call out to her but the roller skater slammed the door. The opera singer tried to call her on the phone but the roller skater hung up on her. So the opera singer sent her an email.

The next morning, the roller skater’s car battery was dead. The opera singer watched as she slammed the door crying, eventually getting AAA to come help. The roller skater moved out shortly after.

I heard this story from the opera singer so I only have that perspective. I think the roller skater was a sensitive soul that felt every comment deeply. But even so, it’s always reminded me that not listening to others can come at a cost.

I searched my memory banks for a story of when I was too mad to listen. Funny thing is that I came up empty. I take that as a sign that someone out there is right now telling a story about me not listening. I’m just not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse that we often are oblivious to the help never taken.

What do you think?

(featured photo from Pexels)

54 thoughts on “Too Mad To Listen”

  1. I do think some people live in their own bubble and are oblivious to the impact of their actions on others. When someone tries to gently guide them, it’s always the other person who has the problem. I’ve seen that pattern repeated by one of my family members so many times. It’s not in my nature to give up on someone but how long do you beat your head against the wall before you stop?

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    1. Ah, that’s such a good question. I’ve seen it in my family — and also in the workplace too. For me, I don’t think it’s a giving in – I think it’s a stepping back until they’ve experienced some sort of a-ha that they want input or help. And a recognition that may never happen but we can still hold out some hopefulness that it will for them. Does that resonate for you at all?

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  3. What I found interesting about this post, is this morning I was just having a conversation with myself about why I don’t listen to me. My body, brain, emotions, all of me knows what is healthy and wise to do, but sometimes I don’t listen. Why would I not listen to myself and my best advice? Why do I keep going to bed later than I planned? What keeps me choosing sugar over vegetables? (I blamed my taste buds.) What keeps me from following through on the things I want to do? (I blamed not enough good health, time, and money.) However, I know there are little life-style alterations I can make to be healthier and do more of the things I want to do. I just need to pay better attention and listen to myself, instead of mindlessly following the same old ruts… Thank-you for pointing out the possible consequences of not listening.

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    1. Oh Rose, you’re singing my song! I’ve spent much of much of my lengthy life asking myself the same questions. I finally figured that the best way to deal with my self-perceived shortcomings is to forgive myself and let go of the grievances I hold against myself for my lack of self-discipline. Oddly I’ve discovered that doing so helps turn my attention from a coveted sugar fix into a desire for something healthier. Love it when that happens! Now if I can just remember . . . Best wishes to you!

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    2. Oh, I hear you, Rose!! Especially about the self-judgment and the sugar. I love Julia’s note about forgiving ourselves. I have this favorite meditation where I take off the metaphorical backpack I carry, take everything out, look at it, and then only put back what I need. It helps me to remember that I can only do so much and it’s one step (or change) at a time.

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      1. I love your analogy. Yes! We need to learn to step back and take a wider view of the whole situation. Sometimes anger can simply be disappointment that we don’t know how to handle, other times it is much deeper.

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  7. I think that roller skater girl lived above us a for a few years with her four great danes. Oof!

    I think recognizing when we’re too mad to listen is an important skill to foster. It’s something I’m actively working on–politely disengaged and promise to return to a conversation when I’ve cooled off. Easier said that done, but it’s a practice.

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    1. Four great danes! Oof indeed!!

      You have such a good point about knowing when to disengage. A hard practice – but if it helps to keep the channels open then it seems worth the work.

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  8. Great story. Illustrates how important it is to see and acknowledge one another, especially when living in close quarters. I had an explosive temper as a younger person (something I inherited from my father). Not proud to admit it. Having children was my incentive for finding another way of expressing myself.

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  9. The opera singer looks like a kind person. I try to understand and accommodate everyone’s needs but when it too much it’s too much. I think we can learn a lot from this story Wynne, thank you for sharing!

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  10. We’ve all had those neighbors and hopefully are not perceived to be that neighbour by others! 😆

    My temper gets the best of me at times too and I agree that pride and ego keep us from moving on productively from these moments of disconnect.

    I wanna know what happened to that roller skater girl now!

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    1. Hopefully not perceived to be that neighbor – yes! Good question about roller skater girl. Did she ever grow up? Hmm, I suppose we’ll never know but we can make up the ending. Perhaps her sensitive nature led her to act in an opera?

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  11. Perhaps a guy named James defined the best way to handle anger some 2,000 years ago Wynne . . .

    “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19

    Easier to said than done in our hectic world where the all too natural response to an annoying person is to be quick to anger, quick to speak and vent our anger, and unwilling to slow down and listen to their perspective on the situation.

    I once had a plaque over my fireplace which read . . .

    “Never answer an angry word with an angry word. It’s the second that starts the argument.”

    Even after 8+ decades I still occasionally encounter an annoying individual who has me biting down hard on my tongue to keep that second word from coming out 😊

    Keep Looking Up ^ . . . His Best is Yet to Come!

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    1. I love that wisdom from James about slowing down…such a great way to keep from the immediate reaction. Yes!

      Love the plaque. Here’s to eating those second words. So hard to do!

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  12. Well, I can’t say it isn’t possible. If one considers the state of the world, it is hard to imagine we haven’t offended some number of other people who never told us of the offense and who hold onto a grudge to the end of their days. I treated or evaluated something around 3000 folks. Being direct is not something everyone can do.

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  13. Well, I can’t say it isn’t possible. If one considers the state of the world, it is hard to imagine we haven’t offended some number of other people who never told us of the offense and who hold onto a grudge to the end of their days. I treated or evaluated something around 3000 folks. Being direct is not something everyone can do.

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    1. What a great note about being direct. Yes, I come from a long line of people who are non confrontational so I know exactly about the work needed to be direct. I struggle with it to this day!

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  14. I love it when we do this…my next post is about apologies, so closely aligned with dealing with one’s pride. Your story makes me think, think, think about the importance of listening. xo! 🥰

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  15. This was such an interesting post. What about another side of this? Say a person makes such choices in their life and shares it freely, and then maybe something in their life goes wrong or something else and then they shut you out. No contact, no return calls, maybe just some stares as they leave their place when you’re outside. So taking no listening to others. Or someone shutting you out making you think you did something to cause it. Chalk it up to some people who are such strange specimens. 😊

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  16. Maybe that’s more of a reflection that you don’t find yourself in confrontations and let a lot of stuff roll off your back instead of getting furious. I’m sure you know people, as I do, who constantly seem to seek out chaos. When everything is calm in their lives, they choose to feed into drama.

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    1. I know exactly the type you mean. It’s interesting isn’t it? The need to stir things up. You’re right – I come from a long line of non-confrontational people. I’m guessing that you give people a lot of grace, Pete! Actually, I know that to be true.

      Completely off the subject – how far are you from Galt, CA?

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  18. The line about the skater’s dad calling the singer to tell her to stop bothering his daughter, reminded me of my days as a teacher (the skater as student, the opera singer as teacher & the parent as Dad). 🤦🏼‍♂️

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  19. I know f I don’t for me as I have aged I don’t get angry often. First a series of serious life events has taught me that 99% percent of the time it simply isn’t worth the energy. I do think that when we do have those times we do get angry about things it has nothing to do with what just took place. Of course there is this thing called Satan who just loves it when we behave in anger.

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  20. There are those who sabotage themselves and have a hard time listening. These are often people who need approval and take constructive criticism harshly. The problem is, if our ears and minds aren’t open, how can our hearts be.
    Lovely story Wynne. Thank you for sharing.

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  21. Great quote and spot on. Well, sometimes I don’t listen, and I’m not even mad about it. Doctors and others told me not to eat fatty foods, but I didn’t listen. I was pretty happy eating my delicious beef hotdog on August 2nd, and by the 3rd, I was without a gallbladder. I guess the consequences of not listening are a little pain—or surgery, in my case.

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  22. That quote of Mark Twain’s is so right on. I watched my Dad become a bitter, hateful man as he hung on to things that had made him angry, refusing to forgive – or at least to let it go.

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  27. What a perfect and crazy story! And the dad gets involved! The roller skater sounds like an angry person, and what a sad life that would be, very isolating. Great reminder to all of us…hugs, C

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  28. I certainly hope the skater found herself a place without any close neighbors, and that the opera singer received one open to being neighborly. That’s quite the tale, Wynne! 💞

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