It’ll Be Alright In the End

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“Everything will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, it is not the end.” – The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Months ago, when I signed Mr. D up for his very first summer camp (rock climbing, in case it matters), I assumed that it would start at the same time as Miss O’s. For his age group 3-5, the camp ends at noon. Miss O’s older group goes until 3pm. But certainly they’d start all the groups at 9am, right?

When I took a closer look before the camp started this week, I discovered Mr. D’s doesn’t start until 9:30am. When I realized that detail, I started inwardly groaning about the inconvenience.

But just briefly. Because in the last dozen years, I adopted a shift that has made an immense difference to my happiness. I started assuming that “it” is for the best. That whatever is irritating me is just an opportunity opening that I can’t yet see. Or that I may never totally understand because it’s above my pay grade.

This has a Biblical basis (Romans 8:28), and a Buddhist basis, but I don’t think it requires a particular spiritual tradition. It’s just an act of staying open to the possibility that there’s a perspective that I can’t yet see.

For anyone that is thinking this sounds Pollyana-ish, I get it. But this change came from the darkest days of my life when I was stuck in all the feelings of failure after my divorce and clueless about what I was going to do next.

So many things came from that vulnerable time in the dark: my meditation practice and faith, the conversations with my father, my two beautiful children, my writing. And also this idea that I should stop doubling-down on irritation and instead stay present for whatever is unfolding.

It’s easier to do this for things like camp drop-offs. In this case, the payoff came almost instantly. Of course, it was beneficial to have Mr. D’s camp start a half hour later. He got to see his sister get dropped off, and then have some time warming up on his own.

 It gets harder when the kids are sick and I have to cancel my hair appointment. Or the babysitter cancels and I can’t go out with my friends.

So, I practice with the small irritations – believing that it’ll be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

66 thoughts on “It’ll Be Alright In the End”

  3. If this pertains to small things or the kind of events that one adapts to over time, I might agree with you, Wynne. That said, I have treated people who encountered horrors beyond imagining.

    There are over 100 wars going on in the world now and the numbers of children and adults starving to break our hearts in and out of war.

    I wish their pain were otherwise, as I know you do, Wynne. If they survive, few would tell us that their suffering was for the best, in part because their lives continue in precarious circumstances. And if they don’t survive, they have no voice to rate the value of their suffering.

    I know you only wish the best for everyone and try to be encouraging. Unfortunately, not every misfortune can be overcome.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. First, I am talking about how I react to what I can’t control. I can’t control when the classes start but I can control what I do with it.

      Secondly, I certainly can’t speak for people who have experienced life differently than I have. And you’re right – that are so many current and past horrors. But I’ve read about people like Miram Elkes who survived the Holocaust always carrying a piece of bread in case someone needed in more than her has informed me that finding kindness among horror is possible.

      The Stoic philosophy also holds it’s possible.

      So, yes, I’m talking about little things in this post. But in the case that what has helped me through some really tough moments can help someone else, I think it’s worth writing about.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Dr. Stein makes an excellent point, and as you said, we can only control our own responses to what’s going on. My father and aunt were in a German slave labor camp in the second World War, and from the stories Dad told, each prisoner focused on what they could do to survive. People who didn’t do this succumbed to the terrors and lost hope, often dying. The people who focused on what they could do, while they were terribly scarred, had more chances of surviving. Dad didn’t say things like “Just keep positive”, but he always said to keep busy doing what could be done.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. I am sorry about your father and aunt, Tamara. To add to your comment, those of us who have seen or heard the testimony of Holocaust victims, hear them say how large the role of luck was in their survival. Attitude could be helpful, but attitude didn’t matter for the 6,000,000 who died.

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      3. You’re very right. The death camps didn’t allow people opportunities to survive when the purpose was the opposite. The people who were in the slave labor camps often risked being shot for some minor infraction, but they still had a chance at life. Terrible things were done, by humans to humans.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. I was thinking the same thing as Michael (woe to him!). I LOVE that quote from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and I love how you made use of it in your post, Wynne. 🥰

    Liked by 2 people

  6. “Everything will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, it is not the end.” – The closer I get to the end the more this becomes a joyous reality Wynne knowing the “end” is just the beginning of a troubleless forever with my Creator.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. A positive mindset makes such a difference and I agree that practicing on the small irritations first help.

    I must say again you’re an inspiration for doing it all on your own and with 2 kids. I struggle with just 1! 😆

    I may have mentioned this before, but the Marigold Hotel is an excellent movie. So endearing. The sequel wasn’t bad either!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I’m not sure I’ve seen the sequel. Better put that on my list. You’re right – it’s a great movie!

      Thanks for the compliment. I think 2 on 1 make time seem to go even faster so perhaps that helps keep me grounded to do as much as I can with them now. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Thanks, Wynne. The danger here is blaming the victim, not by you but in general, and there is much blame of this kind in the world.

    I am well read in Stoic philosophy. The idea of the popular version of “overcoming” leaves some of those who can’t overcome, even in that which they are thought to be capable of controlling, to take on the further burden of believing they have failed.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My dad studied faith healing for his doctorate. His conclusion was much the same – that we don’t want people to feel like they are sick because their faith is somehow poor or lacking.

      But that doesn’t mean not offering faith (or specific to this post, a possible way to regard the adversity) as an option to help. If we do that because we are fearful that it may come across blaming the victim, it seems we are undermining their ability to glean something from it if they want.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well said, Wynne. I agree that we all do should do what we think is possible and doesn’t harm others to turn a disadvantage into something positive.

        Some, however, assume that if they can triumph over adversity, then all should be able to.

        I would add that it is a way many of us reduce the anxiety and fear that we will come upon a challenge that we are not up to. One more step and the one who couldn’t triumph will be blamed. I am not surprised that your admirable father recognized the dilemma. Thanks, Wynne.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I love that quote and that movie! And though it may sound pollyannish to some, I’d say that in many cases adopting this mindset creates a beautiful and calm shift in our outlook. However we still have to fight the good fight when it comes to injustice and the bigger things that create havoc in our world. Like everything, it’s a balance. 💕

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  11. Booyah Wynne! 🤜🏽🤛🏽 I am so on the same page as you with this: “stay present for whatever is unfolding.” Don’t sweat the small stuff because honey as you noted, in the end, it’s gonna be alright for sure! 🥰🙏🏼🤗

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  12. Interesting shift in perspective on your part. I learned a prayer back in the day that ends with asking for everything to be in the best interest of all concerned. That line seems to keep me balanced, most days.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Great insight, Wynne. We can only control what is within our sphere of influence, whether big or small. Sometimes the world throws curves at us, and all we can do is make a quick assessment: Is this something significant enough to fight, or is it a minor issue that I should let go and see what happens (based of course on our knowledge at the time)? We are tested daily, and it’s a good resiliency check to ensure we can handle the significant challenges in our lives. Well done.👍🏼

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    1. Thank you, Edward. I love your insight about that quick assessment about whether we need to push back. There is that step of determining whether or not action is necessary. Thank you for the great comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Every year or so (no real time frame) I organically and intuitively come up with a word or two to help me through the next few months or so. In the past they’ve been: Let Go, Breathe, and Peace among others.

    Whatever I’m experiencing or facing naturally conjures these messages I believe out of pure necessity.

    Your post definitely resonates.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I love this idea, Brad, and your examples are so good. Your insight that your experiences conjure these messages is fascinating. If I’m reading it right, it’s almost like tuning in to the meta lesson you are learning. That’s great growth!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Molly, I totally resonate with your description of that initial negativity. That’s exactly what I feel. And then it’s just a question of whether I stay with it or shift. Thank you for the insightful comment!

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  18. Wisdom. Good stuff Wynne Thanks for the reminder. I need regular reminders like this. I profess to know stuff like this, until I don’t. Wife is currently dealing with medical stuff. (may have contracted Lyme disease from a tick bite) or….or… who knows. that irritation you mentioned about is trying to raise it’s ugly head in my life..so yea, thank you for the gentle nudge to trust the big picture.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. DM, I’m so sorry to hear that M is wrangling medical mysteries. That’s so hard! I think it’s easier to shift that irritation for ourselves – and harder when we are worried for others. May you both have fruitful discoveries.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. This is such a great mindset to adopt. We can’t change what is, so the best shot we have at contentment is being open to whatever may unfold before us. And just as you anticipated, there was a gift–Mr. D seeing Miss O run off to her camp gave him the confidence to do the same. I remember rock climbing pictures awhile back, so hopefully that means that both had a blast at camp!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “Being open to whatever may unfold before us.” Such a great way to put it, Erin. And you’re right, the gift of rock climbing camp has been great. They’ve loved it!

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  21. I love this philosophy! I stumbled on it a while back (during a dark time) and every now and then I actually remember, there could be an opportunity in the no, the cancelation, the rejection that I just can’t see yet. Sometimes the realization takes years and sometimes I see it immediately like you did with Mr. D having time to acclimate and warm up. Such a great reminder Wynne. Hugs, C

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I love your insight about how long the realization takes. Yes! It varies widely, doesn’t it? As does my ability to shift gears. I’m glad to know you resonate with this shift too, my friend! XOXO!

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  22. I’ve received that very same message from spirit so many times. If things are not alright, it’s not the end… because all our suffering is what I lovingly refer to as “human created”. Spirit always feels like joy and love. You put it so well when you said, “That whatever is irritating me is just an opportunity opening that I can’t yet see.” Perfect!

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  25. “I started assuming that “it” is for the best. That whatever is irritating me is just an opportunity opening that I can’t yet see. Or that I may never totally understand because it’s above my pay grade.” Oh who is the wise one now Wynne? Ha, ha, this is pure gold. Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this. Thanks.

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