Using It All Up

Posted in inspirationTagged , , , , , , ,

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.” – Erma Bombeck

My dad had a motto, especially in his retirement years. “I just want to be useful.” And as a retired pastor, that translated to serving on boards, guest preaching, teaching classes, and family stuff like helping me with my house and yard on Saturdays.

And he was very useful. But his usefulness required a lot of flexibility on my mom’s part.

A month or so ago, my 85-year-old mom asked, “Did you see Eleanor Coppola’s obituary in the paper?”

I hadn’t, so we found it and she read me this part, “ ‘There is part of me that has been waiting for Francis to leave me, or die, so that I can get my life the way I want it,’ Eleanor wrote. ‘I wonder if I have the guts to get it the way I want with him in it.’ “

I have a theory – that a lot of women don’t use up all their talent as the quote for this post by Erma Bombeck so beautifully says. That isn’t to say that it doesn’t apply to men, too.

But when it comes to women, it seems that after a lifetime of being flexible for others (relationships, kids, pets), women don’t often get ASKED in the same way that men do. So then it becomes a doubly-hard question about creating life the way as envisioned because it involves crafting the persona, network, and possibly upsetting the status quo at home.

In the case of Eleanor Coppola, it turns out that she died at age 87 before Francis. But she directed her first feature film at age 80. I hope that means she was able to get life the way she wanted it with him in it. In fact, one more quote from her obituary makes me think he was nudging her along:

“ ‘One morning at the breakfast table my husband said, “Well, you should direct it.” I was totally startled,’ Eleanor told The AP. ‘But I said, “Well, I never wrote a script before, and I’ve never directed, why not?” I was kind of saying “why not” to everything.”

As we tune in the deep whisper urging us to be useful and share all our talents with the world, I think we should remember to ask, “Why not?“

(featured photo from Pexels)

74 thoughts on “Using It All Up”

  1. I love this and it is so incredibly important. Based on the her obituary, I’m guessing that Eleanor did so and was clearly supported in this. I’ve always been a bit of a what not person, but with each increasing year, I’ve become more so. My daughters have all told me at various times and circumstances, that it was a good way to be and helped them to live out their own why nots.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Oh, I love that you’ve gotten that feedback from your daughters. What an incredibly powerful “why not?” gift to give to kids!! And thanks for saying, “why not?” to us about the podcast!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Why not, indeed, Wynne. I t must have been especially hard for her being in the shadow of a “great” man. Thank you.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. “Why not” to everything…I can’t say those words exactly populate my thoughts but darn near sometimes when I think, “I can’t…I shouldn’t” about anything new. Getting comfortable with vulnerability, for me, has been one of the gifts of aging. So much to love in this post, Wynne. Including the fact that your own mother pointed you to Eleanor’s obit. Powerful. xo! 💕

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Love love love this Wynne! It’s so true, often we wait to appear in our own calling as we nurture and guide others in our lives. Perhaps your mother felt as Eleanor, it’s difficult walking in the shadow of a great man. Though it appears Eleanor did succeed in her ‘Why Not’. I mean directing a movie at 80, that’s amazing. It’s never too late for living your purpose.
    Thanks for sharing this uplifting story. 💕

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Thanks for sharing this Wynne! These things show me I am not too old for anything!
    Behind every man’s success there is a woman. But it can be the other way around too!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. What a beautiful post, Wynne, that moved me in ways I can’t yet articulate. As women, we are often left with the wistful refrains of “What if I had…” or “If only I had…” I’m trying hard to replace those with more “Why not?” while I can. Thank you for this! ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  7. What a fabulous post, Wynne. I agree with your observation that many women put their own wishes and desires on hold in order to not disrupt the status quo at home. Despite what the world tells us, it’s very difficult to “have it all” and at some point sacrifices have to be made. I love the notion of using it all up…that’s one of my aims as a launch my second life. I have much left in the tank to use up.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, what an insightful comment, Michelle. Right, we can’t have it all – or as Jane Fritz has taught me, we can have it all but not all at the same time. I love that your “second life” is for using it all up!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. And we should try hard to share our lives with partners who say that to us, right from the word go. I was one of the fortunate women who has had such a partner for 57 years. An important message, Wynne.

    Liked by 6 people

  9. What a lovely essay. This reminds me of the idea behind Shonda Rhimes’ “The Year of Yes.” Too many of us, women especially, put things off. ‘Why not’ becomes later. ‘Yes’ becomes no. We forget that the time we have isn’t infinite. We don’t have unlimited days to get what we’d like to do done.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, what a great comment, Michelle. I love “The Year of Yes” – thank you for reminding me of that. And you are so right – we put it off until it becomes too late. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I love the message that we should still be trying new things until our life is finished. Yes! I intend to follow that model (and I see myself living until at least 90). Of course, it is easier when you are a creative person, but, there are many ways to be useful and productive in one’s life.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I didn’t realize that Eleanor Coppola made a film at age 80. That’s so inspiring. I had a connection sort of to Francis. He was hospitalized at the medical center where I worked for a PR/Ad firm, with all the celebrities. My boss gave out my phone number to the press to give updates on Francis’s health. I’d speak to the doctor and then answered calls over the weekend. I got calls years later about him and never met him or knew anything else.

    Liked by 3 people

      2. I’m embarrassed to say I was wrong about Francis Coppola. It was Frank Capra! Another director, but one who died in our Coachella Valley a few years after he was in the hospital I did PR for.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. What an interesting tidbit about famous Francis’ wife. At age 80! Cuz why not!

    We should ask ourselves this question more often, especially as we get older, Wynne.

    In the colleagues that I see who’ve retired, the ones that have thrived have found new careers, part time jobs, volunteering etc that continue to make them feel purpose and useful. And I think that’s the key. To use up our potential and gifts while we are here on this planet.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. It’s such a sad thought to think that people sacrifice their talent and dreams to support those of their spouse, but I love Jane’s retort about finding a partner with whom you both feel supported, and are both able to live up to your full potential. Beautiful.

    Liked by 3 people

  17. ‘Why not’ Wynne? This post is a clear reminder not to sit on our laurels and think retirement, according to what “they” say it is. Growing up I heard a man say if he ever become completely satisfied, then it’s time for him to die. “Understanding Your Potential” is an excellent book I read by Myles Munroe years ago before he died in that plane crash. It reflects a lot on what you have said here girlfriend. Thanks so much for sharing this wisdom! 🥰🙏🏼🤗

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, what a fascinating comment, Kym. I love all you’ve added here. The man saying if you’re satisfied, it’s time to die — wow!! An interesting way to capture motivation! Thank you, my friend!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. And thank you Wynne for helping to stir up that memory for me. Your message is truly powerful and penetrates our spirit. A much needed reminder today especially when we start to feel sorry for ourselves. I appreciate ya! 🥰🙏🏼😊💐🥰

        Liked by 2 people

  19. A great and tough post, Wynne. Tough because your theory is correct, and there are too many facts supporting it. I can only speak from my military experience because that is all I know. My wife was very flexible for over 20 years as we moved every 2 or 3 years while I was serving in the Army. She is a chemist and she halted her career several times throughout the years to support me, for which I’m forever grateful. This is one of the reasons I retired at 50: it’s my turn to be flexible and give her the time and space for her “Why Not?” She is now working again as a chemist and is a Zumba instructor. Heck, she even got certified as a forklift operator, because “Why Not?” There are so many men in the military who stay until they reach their mandatory retirement and then transition to another career, typically as Army civilians, constantly traveling and moving to different parts of the country pursuing promotions without giving their wives the chance to do their “Why Not?” I remember the day when I was stationed in Atlanta, Georgia, and a civilian died at work. He was a retired colonel who had served close to 30 years and then transitioned to an Army civilian role, where he was in his 15th year working for the department. He had suffered a couple of heart attacks and a stroke, yet he continued to work even with a large scar on his head. I told my team the day he died that it was a sad day not only for our organization but for his wife, children, and grandchildren because they never had the chance to fully enjoy him. Thank you for writing this important post. It serves as a reminder that I need to stay flexible for her.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Wow, Edward, I love all that you bring with this comment. Your military families are such good examples. Love the leadership example you bring with your retirement so your wife can pursue her why not!! Chemist and Zumba instructor – that’s awesome!!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Wonderful question and reminder, Wynne, “Why not?” 💞💞💞
    I wonder how many others struggle to identify what they envision for themselves, as they are still stuck in who they are for other people.

    Liked by 4 people

  22. This is an enlightening post Wynne, you describe a problem that especially us women have. Sometimes it’s difficult to say “why not” because we put something else before ourselves. We should try to find a balance between ourselves and the others, or other things.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Suppose that hasn’t changed, even though she is no longer sharing her wit and wisdom with the world. I love her writing and enjoyed reading her column when I was a kid. Thank you for the gracious reply.

        Liked by 1 person

  24. Pingback: Using It All Up – ADVERTISING OPERATIONS

  28. Great blog post Wynne. It is very important and so deep as well as inspiring💯💯. Also, I love that quote at the start of this blog post and it is just great and it does enable us to ask ourselves “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?” , Every person wants to be successful and useful in life but what derails other people from going forward, it is what they fear people will say. Fear is an emotion that holds many back such that other people may say “What a waste of talent and potential”

    Luckily, for me, I am using my talents that God gave me and they are not that vast or big but I appreciate the little God has given me such as writing interesting blog posts and sharing my skill as a Blogger, Creative Person, Illustrator/Designer and Event Planner. I am capable of executing those skills because I have been using them often.

    Lastly, thanks Wynne for writing such great blog post. I learnt a lot and my God your Mom has lived a long life, she is 85 and wow not many people reach that age. My father turns 70 in August💖💖😀🙏

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Love that you are using all your skills, Mthobisi! I can see how your enthusiasm ripples through every part of it. Happy birthday to your dad!

      Like

      1. Yes, I had this idea that maybe I should just build the portfolio. It is all process. I can always use it for progress. I love going through my work. I simply want to enjoy myself.

        Like

  32. This is a question I have been asking myself more and more recently.

    My youngest brother, I would say, is the wisest and most mature person for his age. He is always up for a challenge and always down for anything and always says “Why not?”.

    There have been risks and ventures I have been wanting to take on in the past and I always talked to him about it and he always said to me “Why not? What’s stopping you? You only have 1 chance”. This is only one of the few important pieces of information I remember more than anything else anyone has said to me.

    My goal is to have my own fully functioning business and he knows this and I envy his attitude towards complicated situations because he would always stand there in the face of adversity and say “Why not?”

    He and his courage always sticks with me and inspires me each and everyday. Now in the face of adversity I try to say “Why not?” more and more.

    It’s a good feeling that is at first hard to obtain for someone like myself.

    Like

  33. Why not, indeed! A very good motto! My dad always had a project going, and before his death he was working on recording a new album with the choir he wrote music for and conducted. We can find many ways to create a wonderful life, if we follow our joy!

    Like

  35. Pingback: Using It All Up – gyaanpaapi

Comments are closed.