Love ‘Em Anyway

Posted in meditationTagged , , , , , ,

“I’ve often kidded folks that when you start working with people, the first rule that you live with is, ‘People are weird.’ We are ALL weird, we are all funny combinations of funny stuff. So, what’s that mean for us? How do you love people that are different in a weird sort of way? Well, you just try to help them, wherever they are.” – Dr. Richard H. Leon

Not long ago I was helping someone from my dad’s former church install some technology so that she could do some volunteering. It was the first time that I met this person but she let me know that she knew both my parents. Then she ran down the list of all that she did for the church.

As I nodded while trying to keep focus on the technology at hand, she proceeded to make fun of the people that she would help as a volunteer, in a “I know more and am more way.”

This is something I saw a fair amount of as a pastor’s kid. The desire of a few people to use scripture and participation to prove they were better. Usually, my dad was the intended recipient of these claims, but in a pinch, the pastor’s family would do. To be clear, there were many incredibly lovely people in the churches my dad led that didn’t have anything to prove. More it was that the small minority who wanted to use righteousness as a measure of their worth were often very vocal.

I don’t believe this is limited to Presbyterians specifically, or religion in general, because I’ve seen this across belief systems and in other healing therapies. The subtle yet important shift between using a teaching as a shield and measuring stick versus actually learning from it.

To me, it’s the difference between me claiming that I don’t have any problems because I meditate versus saying I meditate to better handle my problems and faults.

In the end, this has made me reluctant to state that I’ve achieved any level of enlightenment. First, because I think life is going to remind me that I always have more to learn. Second, because I’m wary that hubris blocks growth.

And lastly, because as my dad said in the quote I used for this post, we are all weird. I’m including me and my beloved dad in that “all.” The trick is to try to love everyone, including ourselves, anyway.

(featured photo is my dear dad)

My book about the conversations and my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith

Related posts:

The Longer I Live, The Less I Know

Holding Out for a Hero

Deep Knowing

53 thoughts on “Love ‘Em Anyway”

  1. A very important post, Wynne. “Weird” sounds like it overlooks egoism, but you covered that nicely. The “I” is often a problem, as is the exclusionary “We.” Weil and Plato saw them as the root of evil.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. I think that aspect of your dad’s legacy, Wynne – the “help them wherever they are” solidified my admiration for him when you and I first met because it struck such a note of recognition about my work in the therapeutic/counseling world. Receiving and accepting people and trying…hard as we can…to reserve judgment. Not just in helper roles but as humans…being human with each other. Flaws and all. xo! 💕

    Liked by 7 people

    1. Oh, Vicki, I just adore this part of your comment, ” Receiving and accepting people and trying…hard as we can…to reserve judgment. Not just in helper roles but as humans…being human with each other.”

      It’s darn hard work, isn’t it? So much easier to judge and dismiss but when I try my best, I usually find such gratification. Thank you, my dear friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I had the good fortune of studying with Bernie Siegel many moons ago and the one take away that stays with me is that there is something to love about everyone – start there.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I agree with Dr Stein, Wynne, I think this is a very important post. Your description of the woman who was quick to point out how much church work she did, and then proceed to belittle others, tells the tale. Thank you for a thoughtful contemplation of our human failings and how we might deal with them as individuals. Reading this right after Kathy Garland’s post this morning on white privilege leaves me with a sense of sadness wrt lack of empathy and self-awareness in so many of us humans.

    Liked by 6 people

    2. I fully understand the challenge, Dana – and Wynne. I think that’s why I hang in there at church. Wynne’s right, there are folk who use faith to their own ends and discredit Jesus and the church. There are also good people, who I don’t necessarily agree with, but who are seeking humbly, compassionately, with integrity, to love God and their neighbour. I want to align myself with them and walk with them on our journey.

      Liked by 3 people

  8. I enjoyed reading your posts with your dad’s jokes, and this quote from him feels like it fits nicely with those jokes. What a great piece of wisdom about the people around us. We sure do have our weirdnesses!

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Great post, Wynne, and very important as others have mentioned. There are a few areas in life where a person can say with confidence that they are experts or that they have “arrived”; religion and faith are not among them. You can have a PhD in Theology, attend church every day, and volunteer all day long, and that doesn’t guarantee that you have arrived. This point that you made, “because I think life is going to remind me that I always have more to learn,” is key. There is a reason why the Bible discusses the following in one chapter and in this order: Do Not Judge … Keep Asking, Seeking, Knocking … The Narrow Way … You Will Know Them by Their Fruits … I Never Knew You … Build on the Rock. All we can do is keep learning, improve ourselves, and help others the best we can, as your dad said, “wherever they are.”

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Such truth and insight in what you say Wynne. I especially love your words here, “First, because I think life is going to remind me that I always have more to learn. Second, because I’m wary that hubris blocks growth.” Such facts. It’s all part of learning how to love, truly love.

    Liked by 4 people

  13. Growing up, I always had a black and white view on religion, largely because of my negative experiences as a teen coming out to my church.

    But thankfully, as you noted, it’s the minority that are self righteous and the majority have open hearts and minds. Such as yourselves and your dad.

    I’m thankful my viewpoint and experience on this has changed through experiences in adulthood, because faith and belief, regardless of we think is the ultimate creator, does make life more positive and meaningful, I think. And if that makes me weird, then so be it too! 😊😆

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I’m so sorry for those experiences when you came out. That must have been tough. Your note that your viewpoint has changed over time is remarkable. I agree, faith and belief do make life more positive and meaningful. Such a profound statement. Glad to be in this weird mix with you, Ab!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. If our ‘weirds’ were all the same, life would be so boring, and we would be lacking in so many ways. Embrace your weird, celebrate other’s weird, and let’s all get along is my motto!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Oh my goodness, people really are weird, aren’t they Wynne. Of course, I include myself in that list. I love your father’s quote and I’m with you, I’ve long been reluctant to admit to any enlightenment or even spiritual belief for fear that life will remind me that I have more to learn. Oh good grief. I think that’s why I like your dad’s quote . . . just give me grace. Ha, ha.

    Liked by 3 people

  20. This is so interesting, Wynne. I see that in many areas of life where people try to build themselves up and make themselves look better than othes. I often wonder why they no do do that, and love your dad’s “just help them” attitude. We need more of that.

    Liked by 3 people

  22. Weird is wonderful—the weirder, the better, I say. It is indeed humbling to realize that there is so much more to learn. My current learning involves taking an inventory of the fears that create the hubris that stand in the way of personal growth and inner peace. Wouldn’t it be delightful to live in a world where all fears were vanished in the face of love?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh, Julia, you are so amazing! Wouldn’t it be delightful to live in a world where all fears were vanished in the face of love?? That is so good! Yes, it would be completely delightful! Thank you, dear friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  24. I would have loved your dad. We’re all weird. So true. Sometimes my sister and I tell each other that we are the only two weirdly normal people in the world. It’s our thing and we laugh every time. I do believe it’s our weirdness that makes the world so enticing. Hugs, C

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.