“Nothing is more painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” – Mary Shelley
“What are you going to be when you grow up?” must be the most frequent question my young kids are asked. For adults that don’t really know them, it’s a good conversation starter. But I think it also indicates how attached our identities are to our work.
It’s what Vicki Atkinson and I talk about in this week’s episode of the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast. Identity at the unemployment office.
One of the fascinating positions that Vicki has held is as a career counselor at the unemployment office. She gives us a glimpse into how the jobs we do become our identity by telling us the stories of some of the people who she coached.
We talk about how being a helper or a boss manifests even when someone is no longer doing that job.
I love Vicki’s powers of observation and ability to draw thru lines – talents that show up when she writes, tells stories, and in the many professional roles she has played.
Here’s a snippet of the podcast where Vicki tells me about the people she met at the unemployment office (with captions so you don’t even have to have the sound on):
Vicki Atkinson and I are big believers in the power of story – to connect us, to create intergenerational healing, and to make meaning out of the events of our lives. Each episode of our podcast starts with someone telling a story in each episode.
Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor Episode 72: Smiles from the Unemployment Office
Or subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.
Links for this Episode:
Episode 72: Smiles from the Unemployment Office on Anchor
Vicki’s personal blog: Victoria Ponders
Vicki’s post: Different is Good
Vicki’s book: Surviving Sue
Wynne’s book about her beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith
Related podcast episodes:
Episode 71: Catching an Edge with Wynne and Vicki
Surprised By Joy 
I look forward to listening to this one. I got interested in retirement coaching because I see how many people reap their identity from their work and struggle in retirement.
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I love how you are leaning into that in your “retirement.” It makes so much sense, Michelle!
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I remember when I was a stay-at-home mom, how difficult it was to go to parties where the first question was “What do you do for a living?”
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Right! I heard a funny story about Brene Brown when she was trying to move away from that question. She tried something like, “What is your passion?” to someone sitting next to her on plane. He replied, “Quiet.”
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Hahahaha! Good one.
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I’ve been unemployed for some time now, and it has been fascinating to notice how “untethered” I’ve felt at times because of this. It has brought me to a point of feeling more secure in who I am rather than what I do, or even can do. But that journey was certainly bumpy along the way. I may have more to share post listening to your podcast.
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Oooh, I love your note about forcing you to be more comfortable in who you are. That’s so insightful, David!
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Can’t wait to listen! Love you two and your fabulous podcast. I always marvel at where you get your ideas? They are always interesting. Talk on..hugs, C
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Oh, Cheryl – what a lovely comment. I think our best ideas come when talking with inspiring and like-minded writers — like you!! ❤ ❤ ❤
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It’s interesting that the question to young people is “what do you want to BE when you grow up”, when what we really mean is “what will you DO for a living”. Being and doing are two quite different things. Perhaps if there wasn’t so much societal pressure to perform at “doing” for our whole lives, retirement would be an easier transition. We also might be a whole lot happier all the way along in this process we call life. Great post. 🙂
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What an insightful comment, Susan! It reminds me of a quote from John Lennon, “When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
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Conversations in the retired lane of a senior community do not include “What do you do for a living?” Instead, it’s “How are you feeling today, where shall we have lunch , are you going to Martha’s 75th birthday party, and how old are your grandchildren?” Identity with things of the past is a thing of the past. Retirement is an equalizer of the highest order and the reward for the struggles encountered along the way. Definitely something to look forward to—at least in my lane! Kudos to all who are making their way toward the land of lazy living—and gratitude for doing all of the work that the retired have left behind.
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Oh, that is so interesting, Julia. But it makes so much sense. Love that you bring so much light to every conversation – and that’s not a job, that’s just your marvelous presence!! Hope you enjoy wherever you pick for lunch today!! 🙂 ❤ ❤
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Bringing light to conversations—i.e., to life itself—now that’s a call worth answering regardless of whatever phase of life one may happen to be living through at the moment, right? Thanks to you and Vicki for being examples of light-in-action for the rest of us along the way!
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We are more than what we “do.” Sorry, I haven’t gotten into podcasts. I need silence to write and I spend a lot of time listening to family. That’s my priority at this juncture.
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One of the swimmers who made the Olympic team last time, came in third this week in her best event. They take the top two, not three. She told the media, “Swimming is something I do, it’s not who I am.” I think that exactly what Rebecca is saying. Also, when I would do our club swimming newsletter, each month I’d interview a swimmer. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” was one of my standard questions. A kindergartner answered, “A vegetarian.” I said, “Don’t you mean veterinarian?” She said, “No I mean vegetarian.” Her mom and I kept straight faces until she walked away.
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I dig your podcast 👍
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I really enjoyed listening to this conversation. Who would ever think of the depth of interesting stories and people you meet in an unemployment centre? The CEO lady seemed like an eccentric kook and the music composer’s story really tugged at me. It sounds like a tv series in the making with a rotating cast each episode.
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Will have to set aside Krakauer to give this a listen at getting ready for bed time! Sounds great. I love people’s unique and diverse stories. How wonderful that someone as great as Vicki was able to help these people. I look forward to listening!
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Years ago I worked as an illustrator and graphic artist. I was interesting to people. After I had to make a transition to working as an Executive Assistant, suddenly I lost my “cachet” with people, and they became very dismissive, even condescending. I was fascinated how people’s perceptions of me shifted when my job title did, yet I was the same person. I adjusted mentally when I learned to feel comfortable with keeping my creative life outside of work hours, and it helped my personal art and writing because I was no longer drained creatively from work!
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