The Choices We Make: My Mom the Spy

Posted in ParenthoodTagged , , , , , ,

“Nothing has a stronger influence on their children than the unlived lives of their parents.” – Carl Jung

The post was originally published on 5/10/2023. Heads up – you may have already read this.

There’s a family joke that my mom is a CIA agent. Even now at 83-years- old, when we mention it, she just smiles and shrugs her shoulders, or says there is no point in denying it because we wouldn’t believe her.

As with most jokes, there is a kernel of truth in it. My very smart and capable mom graduated from college in the early 60’s with a degree in Far Eastern Studies and fluency in Russian. The CIA was actively recruiting from college campuses at the time and offered her a job. Her story is that she turned down the job because she met and married my father instead.

But over all the years since, she’s maintained her fluency in Russian, she went back to school when I was in college to get another degree in Russian language and literature, and she’s traveled there – when it was the Soviet Union in the 1970’s and later when it was Russia, many times. Would there be a more perfect cover for an agent than being a pastor’s wife?

It took me becoming a parent myself to understand how ridiculous this story, as fun as it is, really is. Not only because I finally understood that she didn’t have the time while raising three kids, of which I’m the youngest, but also because there is no way her heartstrings could have been in both places.

She made her choice. Instead of translating documents, she took on the work of translating the patter of baby talk into something intelligible. And then developing the sources into people who could talk the language properly.

She gave up a life of intrigue and instead instilled intriguing thoughts and ideas into her children’s lives.

Instead of secret meetings at night, she was called to hold our hair when we threw up and calm our fears when the bad dreams came.

She traded briefings about the state of affairs for parent-teacher conferences and traveling to sports events. And instead of establishing confidence in sources and colleagues, she choose to do the work of instilling confidence from the ground up in three young people.

Instead of fighting the bureaucracy at a government agency, she taught her kids that we had agency and were capable of fighting our own battles for what we believed in.

Instead of patiently nurturing a career that would challenge her brilliant mind and sense of adventure, she choose to nurture her patience with three young people who challenged her peace and equanimity.

Instead of running agents with their own backstories and motivations, she choose to help build a solid and stable backstory for us, fully present to launch our own motivations.

Instead of changing the world balance as a spy, she was the world for us.

My mom has never framed it as a sacrifice, but now that I see how much it takes to lose oneself to take care of others, I know that it was. I understand now that she had to make all these choices, from what might have been interesting and rewarding to her mind to hopefully what was interesting and rewarding to her heart.

She made her choices in life so that I could make the choices in mine.

Thank you, Mom.  

(featured photo is mind: Mom and me in 1974)

Related post: Looking In Through The Sliding Glass Door.

53 thoughts on “The Choices We Make: My Mom the Spy”

  1. Did your mom’s interest in Russian literature influence your own reading and childhood, Wynne? It seems to contrast your father’s mindset and suggests a darker world-view than I can recall you writing about.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. A very important post, Wynne. She gave up aspirations or opportunities she might have had for herself for the sake of her children. She also gave up potential opportunities for herself by putting her husband’s career/advocation first. It’s a complicated world, with competing demands and desires. Not always easy to make it work for everyone.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. She sounds wonderful! My mom was in Manhattan at the cusp of many new things, so some of her jobs included working for NBC studio, being a fashion stylist, meeting Grace Kelly, a sister who was a model for 17 magazine, and being a friend of Frank Scuvallo, the photographer. No wonder, I headed for NYC after graduation!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “I see how much it takes to lose oneself to take care of others” . . . a mother’s job description fueled by love.

    I’m grateful your Mom met your Dad and not James Bond so that we all now can vicariously participate in the Children In Action career you chose for us to enjoy the exciting adventures of your family threesome you so eloquently share.

    Thanks Wynne . . . and thank your familial clandestine CIA agent #008 😎 for remaining undercover . . . her secret’s safe with me 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I love, love, love this post and the photo of you and your mom. Every time you share tidbits about her I’m struck by the brilliance of both of your parents. What a duo they must’ve been. 💕

    Liked by 4 people

  8. What an interesting choice of study. It’s easy to see how your mother’s intelligence influenced her children…well, at least you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is a lovely tribute to your mother and her ability to use her intelligence in ways that supported her family other than financial. The photo of you and your mother is wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I remember this one. It’s really amazing the sacrifices parents make for their children, but even more amazing that said parents often don’t viewed the change in priorities as a sacrifice at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. She made the right choice in my opinion, that she’d always be grateful for. It’s fun though for you to think she was a spy! I’m sure as a pastor’s wife she had plenty of things to do and ways to use her gifts.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I love how she was there for your family and you, but at the same time, doesn’t deny it when it comes up as a joke. I think that sort of proves your point about making choices and being there for the family, but still giving up something inside. Lovely tribute Wynne. Saying all that, maybe she can tell you what really goes on at the Kremlin. Ha, ha.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. WOW, what an interesting life choice your mother made Wynne. I applaud her for making such a wise and unselfish decision. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Perhaps she can offer a suggestion about how to kick some sense in ole Vlad P? 🤔

    Liked by 1 person

  17. What a beautiful post, Wynne. So full of love and admiration for your mom. It’s interesting to think of the choices we make and the sacrifices every mom makes for her children, but it takes the wisdom of age and life experience for us to really appreciate those sacrifices.

    Oh, and that picture is evidence of how much Miss O looks like you!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. It’s amazing how much you and Miss O look alike at the same age. I thought it was her for a second!

    I remember this post and it’s still a chuckle to think that you thought she was a CIA agent. Moms are great at multitasking after all!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is funny we thought that — but also so very plausible! 🙂 You’re right about the multitasking – if only from necessity! Happy Father’s Day weekend, my friend!! I hope you celebrate big — you deserve it!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I want to comment about the ongoing family joke that my dad harbors secrets about UFOs stored in a hangar at Wright-Patterson AFB in Ohio, but I have a feeling that’s exactly what I wrote the first time you posted this!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t remember that comment – and I posted this originally on Wise and Shine the first time so I can’t check. But that’s a great story!! So much family intrigue.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. What a lovely way to honour your mother Wynne. It would have taken some courage to study the Russian culture in an American university at that time, I think. Wasn’t the Cold War on?
    I love your last line about choices. I’m sure you continue to honour your mom with the choices you are now making, because of the ones she has made. Beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right, Alegria. It was late 50’s, early 60’s so the Cold war was on. It didn’t seem to bother her much. Funny how much we stand on the shoulders of those that go before us, isn’t it?

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Beautiful tribute to your mom! Just as enjoyable reading the 2nd time!

    Like

Comments are closed.