The Most Important Work

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“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” – C. S. Lewis

Sometimes I think Hallmark has it backwards. Take Mother’s Day for example. My kids didn’t do anything to choose me. I, on the other hand, took a very intentional path to become a mom.

From the realization that I wanted to have kids later in life because I cried whenever I saw Princess Kate pregnant with her oldest child nine years ago, to deciding to do it without a partner (for now), then through IVF three times (I had one miscarriage), I made very deliberate choices to parenthood. I couldn’t be more grateful that I’m a mom.

Here’s the top three reasons why:

I’m so much healthier

You didn’t know me before I had kids. I didn’t write in the period of life when I was numbing my feelings with wine every night. Meditation changed that pattern so that I had a different way to irrigate my irritations.

But having kids has given me so much more practice. That’s a funny sentence. I didn’t mean that they give me many more irritations to irrigate but on some days that’s true too.

Mostly I meant that these beautiful and honest beings have shown me what emotional honesty is. By helping them name their emotions, I’ve learned how to name and feel mine too.

Every day is an adventure

I’m a creature of habit. Without kids, I’d have likely continued my pattern – hike every Saturday, do a big trip every two years. Like my trips to Everest Base Camp, climbing the Via Ferrata routes in the Dolomites, or biking from Vermont to Canada to New York – great trips that totaled about two weeks out of every 104.

But with kids – every day is an adventure of curiosity and learning. We rescue bunnies, dig in the dirt, ride bikes, or sell lemonade. I’m learning to be flexible and adventurous on a daily basis instead of a bi-annual one.

Big messy love

Parenting is the messiest form of love I’ve known. Not just sticky hands and faces but so much laundry, picking up detritus, territorial incursions because of changing boundaries, and spilled over spats between siblings.

But it seems to me, that the messiness that makes it stick like Velcro instead of slide off like a glossy surface. It’s proof that nobody is perfect any we love each other anyway. The repetitiveness reminds me how many chances we have to get it right. Over and over we make a mess. And over and over we get to come together and make it right.

The news has all sorts of stories about what isn’t working in this world. But then a day like Mother’s Day comes around and I look at all the people who are trying their best to love wholeheartedly – with young kids, and old kids, and/or other people’s kids. For me it’s a celebration that love wins.

56 thoughts on “The Most Important Work”

  1. You have benefited from having a family for sure, Wynne. But with respect to having children via IVF, love only wins if those who support the ability to give birth via that procedure are permitted by law to do so. All who support it have an obligation to take political action to make sure they and others have the freedom to launch kids like Miss O and Mr. D into the world.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. For those of us who become parents, surely there can be no more important job you do. It comes with responsibilities, frustrations, and so many moments of joy. And, hopefully, with lots and lots of love.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. A lovely ode to Mothers Day, motherhood and your children. I don’t recall knowing about the Princess Kate connection but how nice to learn about it more recently. And I agree that while life and love can be messy, we are so much better, and healthier!, because of being parents. Hope you had a good Mothers Day!

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  7. An absolutely beautiful summary of every parents ‘Most Important Work’ Wynne. Thank you.

    Sadly, many children have suffered from parents who were not their parent’s ‘Most Important Work’.

    Amy Charmicael once said, “Love to live, live to love”

    As parents, we have an all too brief window of time for our children to share their childhood”s ‘messy, healthy adventure’ that gives us a genuine joy of living, and to love ourselves and others.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. That quote! 🥰 What a beautiful capturing of motherhood and family, and I especially love “every day is an adventure of curiosity and learning”. I suspect being deliberate in parenting–taking Lewis’ “the most important work” to heart–is what leads to all good stuff you’ve listed. Happy Mother’s Day, Wynne!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Love this post! I chose to become a mother though by more ‘traditional’ methods. Now I have grandchildren which is a whole new kind of love.

    Bravo to you for choosing motherhood on your own. My sister did the same and has raised two very capable and loved individuals. Motherhood isn’t easy regardless of how you do it. But it is a wonderful choice and one that doesn’t stop when they turn 18. Thanks for sharing!

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  16. Good stuff: “But it seems to me, that the messiness that makes it stick like Velcro instead of slide off like a glossy surface. It’s proof that nobody is perfect and we love each other anyway.” I had a rough two days with my daughter because she was up for 24 hours coming to our home to pick up Waffles from Europe. She was not her best self, but after sleep and food she was able to apologize and “we love each other anyway.”

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  17. I love hearing about your family. I don’t know what part I love more the intentionality of becoming a parent or the marvelous ways you are raising them! They are blessed, and in turn your family and community!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Great post, Wynne. You are an example for so many. I pulled this from Wikipedia: “Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring the mother of the family or individual, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society.” The last part, “the influence of mothers in society,” needs to be celebrated every day, not just on Mother’s Day. So bravo to you and all the mothers who are positively influencing this world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that description, Edward. Thank you! I think you are right about celebrating the mother’s influence. let’s embrace the warmth and advocacy for love, peace, and milk and cookies! 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  19. What lovely insight on the blessings motherhood can bring! Thank you for embracing and sharing your journey with all of us, Wynne! 💞💞💞

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I love this post in so many ways Wynne. But this, “By helping them name their emotions, I’ve learned how to name and feel mine too.” So true. Parenting, grandparenting, and being an aunt to dozens of nieces and nephews has taught be a lot about love, humility, and how “the messiness that makes it stick like Velcro instead of slide off like a glossy surface.” Damn, you’re good. I appreciate how you gift us with your experience, it’s exquisite and always uplifting. Hugs, C

    Liked by 1 person

  21. You were so meant to be a mom Your heart of gold Your beautiful radiant personality. As you are blessed to have your kids they are blessed to have you as there mom. I believe my biggest accomplishment in my life and the most precious is being a mom and my children.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. There’s nothing better than big messy love with your kids. Gosh, you’re right, parenting is the most rewarding and also the most challenging work I’ve ever done. And I’d choose it every time. I love how conscious you were in your choices Wynne. It shines through in your parenting style and through your lovely kids.

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