Friendship Though the Ages and Stages

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“Well, you can’t make old friends.” – Zadie Smith

Have you thought back to how you survived middle school? I mean, I think it’s safe to assume anyone that is reading this is past the age of 13. I remember that age as being the start of understanding that there was a whole wide world outside of my family and it involved crushes, hopes and dreams, and weird things happening to my body that I didn’t want to talk about with my mom.

Katie. That’s how I made it through middle school. My dearest friend that I’ve known since age seven. She was over at my house yesterday spending time with me, Miss O, Mr. D and Cooper. I list us all out because we all needed time with her.

She reminds me of a line I got from Mark Nepo in the Book of Awakening. In German, the root of the word friendship means place of high-safety. With old friends, I think that might be especially so because they knew us from before we were anything. We had dreams of what we might become, but now that we’ve hit middle life, we’ve cycled through a lot of different ages and stages, and old friends, like Katie have seen it all.

Because to be friends for this long, I don’t think there’s any way to maintain any artifice. We’ve survived the ups and downs of life as well as testing out the waters of how we meet the world. We’ve had to work out whether we are friendly, trustworthy, and kind – and apologize and make amends when we’ve fallen short.

Watching Katie with my family, I realize that there’s an associative property of friendship. That my little ones trust her as much as I do. Probably because they can sense that ease that comes with old friends. Well, that and because Katie is simply amazing – present, smart, funny, kind, and encouraging.

I think back to my naivety and hopefulness in middle school. It was confusing and emotional as we worked out what came next in life. I’m less naïve now as I know that middle life also brings challenges with family, friends, aging, and loss. But I’m still quite hopeful – probably because I’ve been lucky enough to have a Katie, then and now.

(featured photo is me (left) and Katie (right) – maybe in middle school?)

61 thoughts on “Friendship Though the Ages and Stages”

  1. The middle school and high years were wonderful, because of that naïveté that you described. And the friendships were so pure and innocent. Love the photo of you and Katie and to hear that the friendship endures today.

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  3. And here’s what happened to me for the brief time I was on FB, all those middle school girls who were mean “friended” me, then proceeded to ignore me like they had in middle school. I do think some people are stuck in middle school their whole lives. 😒

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    2. So true Ally Bean, at least from my personal perspective. Those stuck have a way of passing on the legacy to their own children, perpetuating the cycle as well…

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      3. I suspect that middle school has the greatest and most pervasive amount of angst of just about any stage of life in general Wynne…

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  4. Unfortunately, I did not have that wonderful middle school/high school experience. My father was a wanderer. In 12 years of school, I went to 10 different schools. I was always the “new kid”. Thankfully as an adult I have been able to make some wonderful friends. While we don’t have that background of knowing each other as kids, we have enjoyed learning about each other from the advantage of not being in that “mean girl” stage.

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  6. I know this wasn’t the point of your post…and I’ll chime in by saying you are lucky (just as Katie is) to be in each other’s lives. But that pose you’re striking – arms folded and a little sway in your chin…defiant, I’d say? Whoa! That’s a posture! 🤣

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  7. I’m not in touch with any friends from that era of my life, but boy did friends make a difference during those incredibly confusing years. It’s wonderful you’ve been able to keep in touch with Katie for so long! An old friend is something to cherish.

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  9. I loved your description of how all of you needed some time with Katie. I got this image of you, Mr. D, Miss O and even Cooper waiting in line for your alone time with Katie. Ten minutes per person, then a deep sigh, and time for the next one. Ha, ha. And yes, I think our kids have this amazing ability to read between the lines and tell when we trust someone and when we don’t. It flows magically to them, letting them know, yup, mom loves this person, I can too. Lovely post Wynne.

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    1. I love how you read us so well, Brian. Yep, I think that was exactly the scene yesterday with Katie! You’re right – kids have such a good intuitive sense. Thanks, my dear friend! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  13. Have you hacked into my computer? I’ve done a fair bit of armchair Christmas shopping (here a click, there a click….) and some of those clicks will bring me a couple of “It takes a long time to grow old friends” Christmas ornaments and plant markers. There is just nothing better than a long-term friend that goes way back to youth. I wish I had more of them. So precious! But hey—the good news is I’m growing new ones who will one day be old! What a blessing!

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    1. ha, ha, ha – nope, no hacking here. Just on the same wave length with you which is always a good sign. Growing new ones – I love it, Julia! And you’re right – the old ones are precious. ❤ ❤

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  14. ha, ha, ha – nope, no hacking here. Just on the same wave length with you which is always a good sign. Growing new ones – I love it, Julia! And you’re right – the old ones are precious. ❤ ❤

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  17. We have some close friends, who are kids have known older lives. And, like you said, it is cool to see how quickly and fully they trust those people and how important they become in the kids lives.

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  19. First thing first is that the dog in the photo a long lost relative of Cooper . I find solace in my few childhood friendships. There is an ease of not having to explain my backstory, and they are a wonderful mirror to how far I have come, and a beautiful uncensored voice I often need to hear. They are to be cherished, respected, and loved. 

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  20. There is an ease and comfort that settles around you when you’re with longtime friends. I’ve tried to describe the feeling with words but they fall short. It’s a knowing that your heart, body and soul maintains and when you’re with them it’s like igniting a spark. Joy comes to mind. Oh to be accepted and loved right through the best and worst evolutions of the self, there is nothing else like it. Love the pic. Hugs, C

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    1. Loved right through the best and worst – such a great way to say it, Cheryl! Nothing else like it indeed. Thanks, my friend – I’m grateful for you! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  21. Aww. This post is a sweet tribute, Wynne. This kind of friendship is a genuine one that makes you feel alike deep down, where you can be real, have fun, and mutually understand each other.

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      2. That’s a great question on why that happens: perhaps as we live longer we accumulate more “baggage”? Some of it is “good baggage”, obligations that keep us from being, like you said, open to new and deep friendships. Some of it is other “baggage”: at work there are priorities that often seem more pressing and friendships may be viewed with less openness, maybe folks have ulterior motives for the friendship? Maybe it’ll backfire?

        What do you think?

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      3. Such a good question, EW. It makes me think I read something that said that after age 25, we start to close our friendship window. I think it was from the book Platonic. I’m going to have to look it up. You have the BEST questions, EW!

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      4. Thank you, Wynne, but don’t forget that it’s you who sparks these great questions!

        Now I’m extra-intrigued: what happens to us around the age of 25 that makes us less likely to form new friendships? Is it that we’re less open to it? That there are less opportunities? That our ability to form new friendships calcifies? Something else entirely?

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  22. That’s so much fun. How blessed you are to have each other! I think I was friends with a Katie in middle school too. No idea where she is now. Amazing you still have this close friend after all these years!

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