With Me Everywhere

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“There is no where you could go that I won’t be with you.” – Moana

In a tradition suggested by a Jewish friend, I burn a Yahrzeit candle every year on the anniversary of my dad’s death. The ritual, as I understand it, is supposed to celebrate our loved ones and bring them close as the candle burns for 24 hours.

I’ve had to modify the tradition slightly since I’ve had kids since Mr. D in particular is fond of blowing out candles. So I light the candle and then hide it around the house until the kids leave. [“Sorry if the candle brings you to the laundry room, Dad.”]

With or without the candle ritual, my dad seems to be especially close at this time of year. The anniversary of his death is November 7th. On November 6th of last year, I received an incredible email from my soon to be dear friend, the amazing, talented, and incredibly wise Vicki Atkinson, with notes from a wonderfully deep read of my book about my dad, Finding My Father’s Faith.

The conversation then went on to be the beginning of our close friendship, even though we’ve never met in person, as well as our partnership in creating the Sharing the Heart of the Matter blog and podcast. But it started with my dad. And Vicki’s incredibly open heart, of course.

And then on November 4th of this year, I got a delightful email from another wonderful blogging friend, Jane Fritz of the Robby Robin’s Journey blog with some great humor. In our email exchange, Jane said, “They made me think of your father, and I never even knew him!”

Two things that strike me about this. [I’d like to make it three because my dad loved having three points in his sermons but I’ll just leave it at two for now.]  

The power of writing is amazing. In these examples provided by Vicki and Jane, they have a sense of my dad because I write about him so often. Putting words around the people we love creates connection to know us and them. Writing about my dad has not only helped me to clarify and cement what I learned from him, but it has also allowed others to meet him, even after his death.

Which is my segue to the next point – death isn’t as final as it seems. Of course I don’t know what happens when our loved ones are beyond the veil, but I can feel times when they are tantalizingly close. I’ll forget it’s the anniversary of my beloved dog Biscuit’s death until I see the golden patch of sunlight on his favorite place to lie that oddly shows up on January 13th, even though sunshine that time of year is not a given.

Or the touch of my dad in these emails from others, bringing him close and making me comprehend that there is no where that I can go that he won’t be with me.

For a post about a way that I found to move through my grief, please see Gratitude versus Greed on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter blog.

55 thoughts on “With Me Everywhere”

  1. Pingback: Gratitude versus Greed – The Heart of the Matter

  2. The posts about your dad are always wonderful to read – you bring his warmth and wisdom to life with such grace and good humour. Wishing you and the kids a wonderful week ahead, as you include his anniversary into your thoughts and plans.

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  3. What a lovely blog, Wynne. I was captured by the gorgeous photo of the two of you and it reminded me of a similar photo of my own father holding me when I was a a few months old—and then he passed away not long thereafter. How blessed you were to have had your dad with you for so long! So many moments to savor! 💕

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  4. You always write beautifully and lovingly of your Dad, Wynne. You are right that death is not as final as it may seem to people who haven’t experienced the loss of loved ones and close friends. They don’t leave you, not at all. And that’s a gift to embrace.

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  9. I cannot get enough of the joy that I feel when I look at this photo of you and your dad. Could you pop it into a post at least once a week? 🥰Just because? It speaks to me!
    Thank you for being the dearest of dear ones…and for acknowledging me as you have. I felt so compelled to send you that email…the long…detailed email – just a year ago – about your book. The story about you and your dad…the loss and yet the on-going retention of him in your daily life has been a gift. It’s my pleasure to know YOU, Wynne Leon, and through you, I have loving regard for your dad, too. Especially today and tomorrow as we will remember him well. Much love! 💕

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    1. I love that picture too. I’d be happy to put it at the top of all my posts. 🙂 What a beautiful life – thanks for being part of mine and for bringing my dad close again! Much love to you! ❤ ❤ ❤

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      1. Deal! Just toss that blissful black and white pic into a post now and then. Maybe without a post. Just the pic. (Joking…but not really!) 🥰🥰🥰

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  12. We share the connection to our dad’s, Wynne, in a way I didn’t know about until now. My dad was born on November 7, the calendar date that your father died. I know we will both be thinking about them with tenderness.

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  13. How lovely that you and Vicki met through the power of your book about your Dad. I love that! I also love your tradition of lighting a candle. I lost my mom January 1 this year. I’m having my Aunt (her little sister) as a guest this week and I’m so looking forward to spending time with her, because I love her and she’s my closest connection to Mom.

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  15. Blessings to you during this anniversary time, as you connect deeply with your father’s memories. You have been blessed with such a father!

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      1. I understand! My father too had an impact on his community. It is difficult to reconcile with their loss, even when it happened years ago.

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  17. I couldn’t love this more Wynne, along with you and Vicki. To start with that picture just captures me of you and your dad and I’m with Vicki, pop that one in a post every now and then. It’s amazing how Vicki was inspired to write you about her response to your book on the day before his passing. She’s really is in touch with the energy of others. I also love your ritual, I might have to add that to my own practices I do each year in honor of my parents passings. Love you much. Hugs, C

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    1. This WP community is amazing isn’t it? And you’re right, Vicki really is in touch with the energy of others! I’m so grateful that I’ve gotten to know you along this blessed path, dear Cheryl! Sending lots of love to you!

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  18. How incredible that it’s been one short year since you and Vicki connected?! And look at all that you’ve created together. It really shows the power of cracking ourselves open, sharing with open hearts, and remaining receptive to whatever gifts and opportunities might be presented. 🥰

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    1. Oh, I love your phrase, “cracking ourselves open.” That’s so good, Erin! I know – it is incredible what a year’ll bring. I think the same about meeting you. What a gift this all is – thanks for being part of my journey and experience, my friend! ❤

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  20. I really like what you said about writing: “Putting words around the people we love creates connection to know us and them.” Writing can help bring us clarity. And it’s wonderful that you feel connections with your dad, that he continues to be with you.

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  21. Aaaaaaaaah, my heart. My eyes. My soul! So, so beautiful, this post.

    I chuckled appreciatively at this: “Sorry if the candle brings you to the laundry room, Dad.” And then felt such especially deep resonance with this: “death isn’t as final as it seems.” Indeed. ❤

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  26. I love the way you keep your father alive for those who will never meet him through your words. “Death isn’t as final as it seems” is such a true statement….so many times they live on through our memories and the actions and behaviors they taught us. 💞💞💞

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