Our Gratefuls

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“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” – Rumi

At bedtime after we’ve read books and told stories, I’ve been asking the kids what they are grateful for and how they helped that day. The latter is a question I got from Vicki early on in our blog buddy relationship. If I remember correctly, it was a question that her mom asked her sister Lisa on a regular basis.

The other night Mr. D answered that he was grateful for being grateful. It could be a three-year-old’s version of passing on the question, but he seemed to mean it.

While I sometimes envy the simplicity and directness of the animal life around, I wonder if there’s any other creature that feels gratitude. This started me down the rabbit hole of doing research on the Internet and as I encountered AI along the way, delved into Scientific American, and hopped over to the Greater Good Lab at UC Berkeley. My summary:

  1. There are a lot of cute animal article and videos on the Internet that can eat all your free time.
  2. No one knows if animals feel gratitude.
  3. Gratitude is a complex emotion that has components of reminiscence and reflection.

In her book, Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown quotes Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at University of California, Davis and one of the world’s leading gratitude experts:

I think gratitude allows us to participate more in life. We notice the positives more, and that magnifies the pleasure you get from life. Instead of adapting to goodness, we celebrate goodness. We spend so much time watching things – movies, computer screens, sports – but with gratitude we become greater participants in our lives as opposed to spectators.

Roberts Emmons

Now who doesn’t want to become a greater participant in life? I’m grateful for my kid’s answers the other night. Mr. D. who’s grateful for being grateful and Miss O who added, “I’m grateful for family and that we are a unit, even though we sometimes fight.” Right – ditto what they said!

For a snapshot of a small moment of gratitude, I’ve written about one that I particularly enjoyed on the Heart of the Matter blog, A Brief Moment in Time.

64 thoughts on “Our Gratefuls”

  1. Pingback: A Brief Moment in Time – The Heart of the Matter

  3. You’ve established a lovely practice for your family, Wynne. I may begin to ask the question of my grandkids on occasion as a result of your example. Thank you!

    Another thought. Is there a follow-up question, perhaps for children and adults? How can you show gratitude in the world this week? Just an idea, but (especially for adults) it raises the question of responsibility and, as I see it, we need more people to take ownership of the state of the world to make it a better place.

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    1. You reminded me of Dr. Seligman’s gratitude practice. In addition to writing three things each evening that you’re grateful for, he asks why those things happened. That’s the responsibility factor.

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    2. I love this second question you raised, Dr. Stein. We touch on it with our second question of how did you help today? But I like the expansiveness of the “world” view in your question.

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  4. Thanks Wynne. Apart from all the good stuff about gratitude that I wholeheartedly endorse, I also see it as my response to the overwhelming desire in society – and specific people I encounter – to criticise, find fault, blame and engage in self-pity. It’s my intentional rejection of a negative approach to life, replacing it with the constructive and hope-full.

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  5. I love everything about this post: the gorgeous picture of your family, the Rumi quote the questions regarding gratitude and helping, and the summary of your rabbit hole research. Whenever I find myself in a funk, I resort to gratitude as the sure-fire antidote to whatever ails me. It works every time! One of my gratefuls is this lovely, supportive blogging community. Thanks Wynne, thanks Vicki, and thanks everyone!

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  6. You are forming intent in their lives with a simple question and I think that creates habit. Gratitude becomes normal and purposeful when it’s introduced in childhood. That allows us as adults to live, celebrate and participate as the Emmons quote so aptly states 🙂

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    1. I love this comment, Deb. Yes, it’s a practice isn’t it? I’m hoping you are right that it creates a foundation just with this little focus every day! Thank you for a wonderful comment. I’m grateful for you!

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  8. I think being grateful for feeling grateful really nails the question. For some people, gratefulness is elusive. Yes, it’s something that can be worked for, but for some, either due to their background or their natural mindset, it comes far more easily. I’m not in that category, and I’d be grateful if I was.

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    1. Such an interesting point about being inclined to gratitude. I wonder if it’s like optimism/pessimism? Either way, I’m grateful we can practice it! Thanks for a thought-provoking comment, Jeff!

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      2. Hmmm, there’s always tomorrow. I have to say, it doesn’t work every day here either. Some days we’re just too unfocused. But I get good answers 3-4 out of 7 times, I think.

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  11. I imagine you are talking about Martin Seligman. Does he recommend taking action? It seems to me that tangible effort to take responsibility via action has to be the ultimate goal. An expression of gratitude, to me, implies some need to reciprocate.

    Without that, we wait for others to act and can only hope they do so in the best interest of our world and its living inhabitants. Thank you, E.A. and Wynne.

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    1. Wow – “Without that, we wait for others to act and can only hope they do so in the best interest of our world and its living inhabitants.” Right – the difference between active and passive. Yes, we need actors! ❤

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  13. Like so many here, I have discovered that I love gratitude and being grateful, for previously my brain was wired so negatively I had a hard time feeling gratitude, mostly out of fear that if I expressed happiness for something, the universe would take it away.

    Gratitude requires a more trusting mindset, that it is okay to feel gratitude!

    On the question if animals feel gratitude? I’d say yes. When you look at photos of animals who have been rescued, and look at their eyes, they seem to project gratitude, for they have know far worse.

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      1. Interesting isn’t it? Gratitude has been listed as a requirement to feel happy, but when we struggle with trusting God and the universe have our back, because we have been told repeatedly that we aren’t pleasing to them, it’s difficult for people to trust a God who keeps punishing us in spite of our best efforts. That means happiness is also elusive, for we don’t see our own self worth or worthiness to deserve it!

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  14. If only we could read the minds of our animal friends and to know what they are thinking and feeling. That would be quite something, wouldn’t it?

    I look at my cats sometimes and I’d like to think that as they brush up against me and cuddle with me, it’s a sign of love and gratitude – or maybe they’re just hinting for me to feed them. I’ll prefer to think of the former than the latter. 😆

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  15. I once read that there is much hidden wisdom to be discovered by listening to the unadorned sayings of young children. Mr. D’s truth-revealing statement is profound and worthy of much reflection. Imagine what the world would look like if we couldn’t feel gratitude? I’m hugely impressed by him and you!

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    1. I love this astute comment, EW. “Unadorned” is right. Sometimes it takes me really leaning in to hear what they are saying but when I do, it’s usually amazing! Thank you for adding this wonderful comment to the discussion!

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  16. Great that you’re writing these thoughts down Wynne. I think I’ve written this before, but sign me up to buy Mr. D’s first philosophy book. I’m in. He’s got me hooked. “Grateful for being grateful” . . . I love the wisdom. So deep and so spot on. Yes, when I’m grateful there’s a soft comfortable feeling I get inside. I get Mr. D’s comment completely. You want that feeling to always be there. Smart kid. Move over Brene Brown, Susan Cain and others, Mr. D is coming. Ha, ha.

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    1. Oh, I love “a soft comfortable feeling I get inside.” Yes – that’s it! Okay, I’ll get Mr. D to sign his book for you. Right now he’s pretty sure his name is spelled D I P H J so it’s a signature still in process… 🙂

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  20. Your kiddo is “grateful for being grateful”! I love that so much. There’s truth in it too. Understanding what gratitude means intellectually and on a soul level and appreciating that you “get” to be grateful is how I see it, if that makes sense. I also love Brene Brown and “Atlas of the Heart”. It’s a keeper, that book. One to go back and peruse again and again!

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    1. Ooooh, Rhonda – what a wonderful truth you’ve pinpointed. When we understand it intellectually and on the soul level, we can appreciate it. Yes!!

      And you are so right about Atlas of the Heart! A great reference point!

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  22. Pingback: Our Gratefuls – Research, Education & HR News

  24. What a great question to wrap up the day. I often ask “What was the highlight of your day” or ‘What stood out and/or stuck with you through the day? I’ve learned the first one leans toward an answer of gratitude, while the second two often lean toward areas of growth.

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