Healing the Micro Wounds

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“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” – Rumi

When my best friend, Katie, came over to hang out with us yesterday morning she asked three-year-old Mr. D how he slept on the night of the time change. He answered, “I slept in Mama’s bed. It was big and hot.”

I was aiming for familial warmth but it seems I’ve overshot the target. Ha, ha!

There’s a picture of me as a three-year-old sleeping with my blanket on the wood floor outside my parent’s bedroom in the Philippines. The way I heard the story is that my parents didn’t want me coming in so they locked the door. My mom said my dad was firm about no kids in their bed so he could get his sleep.

I’ve always considered that a cute little story in what I think of as a happy childhood until I had kids and then I wondered how that went down. Did I just encounter a locked door and then lie down quietly? Or was there some kicking and screaming before accepting the fate? Something tells me it wasn’t the first option.

So even though I’m not aware of as any sort of trauma, I have to consider that some things we do as adults are healing the little wounds we got as children. Maybe we all do that a little – even when it’s not conscious.

How I’ve come to choose to let my kids sleep in my bed is the subject of my Heart of the Matter post today: Beds, Boundaries and Beyond. Check it out!

(featured photo from Pexels)

48 thoughts on “Healing the Micro Wounds”

    1. Thanks, Alegria. He likes to pick out what he wears – but he’ll figure out not to wear fleece pj’s in my bed – I’ve got too warm of a comforter for that. 🙂 Happy Monday, my friend!

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  2. I will fully attest to the wounds we receive as children and the impact they have. I alluded to being raised quite differently in your HoTM post Wynne. I was of the cry it out generation, even from infancy. My sister used to sneak into my bedroom and sit on the floor outside my crib (which also served as a toddler bed) and hold my hand, talk with me, help me go to sleep. She was forbidden to do so, but that didn’t stop her. Your choices today are making your family strong and understand the power of love…exactly what a mom should do.

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    1. Oh, what a dear story about your sister. Bless her for not following the rules. I love your phrase “power of love.” Indeed – that’s the kind of power we need!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  3. This is so interesting, Wynne! Similarly, I don’t think I had any trauma as a child. The worst experience I can recall is a babysitter making me eat chop suey and then nap when I wasn’t tired, so I’m fortunate. However, I’m fascinated by the idea of micro wounds… now you have me considering any quirky things I do that may tie back to some itty bitty childhood trauma. Hmm…

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    1. That’s funny – exactly the same way I think about my childhood. And I’m laughing about your babysitter.

      So maybe “wounds” isn’t exactly the right word but I like the way you say “quirky” things that relate to old stuff. Yes!

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  5. Oh wow, that image of the locked door is so opposite of the Sunday funnies I imagined haha. But I need my sleep too and get cranky if it gets interrupted. So I hear your dad on where he’s coming from.

    Every parent will find the formula that works for them and it looks like you found the one that works for you and the kids.

    Did you have roaches in your home in the Philippines? No way you’d find me sleeping on mine back there! 😆

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    1. I know – it does seem counter to my dad’s warmth. To be fair, my mom has only announced that he was the culprit in the years since he died so he hasn’t weighed in on that. But it’s plausible that maybe you can only have energy for his trademark warmth if you sleep well… Hmm.

      Yes, we had roaches. Our bedrooms were on the 2nd floor and I don’t remember them up there as much but now that you say it, I’ve heard stories about my mom keeping snacks in her bathroom drawer up there and the roach stampede it caused. Somehow it didn’t bother me – probably good thing it was dark… 🙂

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      1. I had a pretty traumatizing moment with s roach when I was six – a roach crawling up my leg and when I shoed it off, it sprouted wings and then flew after me across the house – and I’ve been terrified of them ever since. 😂 It’s funny how these things stick with you.

        And yes, sleep makes such a difference on our moods indeed!

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  8. I admire your healing process. I allow our teen to sleep next to me as a last resort, bad dreams or insomnia. They are an active sleeper. I may dream I’m Quijote fighting windmills! I read a book about parenting in other cultures, in many co-sleeping is the norm rather than the exception.

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    1. Oh yes – active sleepers. I hear you on that, Rebecca! The good night’s sleep is important too so its hard to find a balance but I think its interesting about the other cultures. Thanks for weighing in!

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    1. Yep, I just thought of micro wounds this morning and I suspect it’s going to be a hard topic for me to let go… 🙂 Thank you for commenting, Natalie! Love being connected over so many miles and changes! ❤

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  10. I had read about co-sleeping when my daughter was younger, and even though we parents were being strongly advised to let our kids cry it out, I had different thoughts. I was too connected to my daughter’s emotions when she was young, and I felt it would be too difficult for both of us to try to do, so I did let her sleep with me when she felt she needed to. Strangely, there were times when I felt I needed her presence, and she wanted to spend the night in her own bed!

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    1. I’m so glad you followed your instinct on that one. I’ve felt Miss O’s absence when she’s been away at sleepovers. It is strange and informative in its own way, right?

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      1. It may seem strange, but we’re physically connected to our kids that science can’t really explain. When my daughter fell off her bike and broke her arm, I felt the sudden searing pain in my arm, then a few minutes later she came in the front door crying. We’re connected to our kids!

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  13. Pingback: Portioning the Parental Pie

      1. Oh, absolutely—last babies are always the cutest. I confess however, I got my curly heads mixed up—between babies and bad haircuts, your head, Maggie’s and mine I was momentarily confused about who’s head was whose.. Sometimes the strangest thoughts roll through my brain as I am drifting off to sleep—last night that was one of them. Oops! Mix-up! I knew you’d figure it out though, because you’re so clever, and you read and comment on every single blog on HotM. That’s probably the wrong acronym, but I’m not going to change it because HotM also describes you so well, Hot Mama. 🥰

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  16. Oh my, we allowed the kids in our bed, it was a rotation, because there were too many. Someone would get hot, feel crowded and move back to their own bed only to be replaced by a sibling. Eventually we had our bed back to ourselves. I love when my grandkids crawl in bed with me, early morning at the lake, and we just slip back to sleep. There is something about sleeping beside another person that is so trusting, loving, and healing. Hugs, C

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    1. Oh, I love the trademark Cheryl-ness of this comment. The trusting, loving, healing and the slipping back to sleep. Such a beautiful way to describe this closeness. Thank you, my friend! 🙂 ❤

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  17. strict boundaries when I was growing up – the house didn’t have any heating except from the coal range in the kitchen/living room. You went to “your” bed bundled up in the wintertime with bed socks and a hot water bottle – hoping you’d be asleep before the hottie was cold! In the morning you ran out to the kitchen where your undergarments were on the rail of the coal range!
    There were a lot of rules but never was I slapped in a bad way…although there were times of “time out in your room” 🙂

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    1. Wow – what an interesting nighttime and morning routine. That sounds like quite a way to get going on a cold winter morning! Thanks for sharing your family’s boundaries.

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  18. Forgot where I read that Rumi quote, but it’s one that you won’t forget. I used to sleep in my parents’ room when they had the sole air conditioner, lol. Slept on the floor though.

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    1. Oh, the air conditioning – what a good point. I think we probably did all sleep together in the screened in room of our house in the Philippines when there were brown outs. Thanks for sparking that memory, Stuart!

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