Without Leaving Where He Was

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“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.” – Sandi Lynn

I’ve written so much about my dad that it’s surprising that I still have something more to say about him. Except that even eight years after his death he’s still teaching me things.

There’s a phrase that my brother used for my father at his funeral, “He met you where you were without leaving where he was.” When Vicki graciously interviewed me about the book I wrote about my dad on this week’s Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, she asked me about it. In the same way that my Presbyterian pastor dad said that every time he wrote a sermon about a topic it made him more focused on that topic, her asking me about it has made me so much more aware of what an awesome trait it is.

I’ve been thinking about the part of the phrase “without leaving where he was.” Because it’s a lesson that I am learning all the time. I get around my climbing friends and have an enormous urge to work out, my emotive friends and I want to prove I can match their disclosure, or spend time with my children and my creativity explodes. I think that urge to blend in to our current environment is strong for humans – or at least for me.

Here are some of the things I noticed about how my dad, who was also a people pleaser handled this. I’ve spent some time reverse engineering it and come up with five examples:

If he was around someone grieving or sad, he’d definitely dial his energy down. If they were secular, he wouldn’t say anything particularly faith based to them. But he still radiated his love that was based on the belief there was something bigger than this moment, this life, and this pain. He never left his faith behind even when he wasn’t talking about it.

If he was on the golf course with foul-mouthed partners, he didn’t start swearing. But neither did he seem to mind if someone else did. He knew what his values were and was confident in them that he didn’t trade them to fit in. But he was certain enough of who he was so that he seem to understand that others’ behavior didn’t diminish him and therefore freed him from judgment.

If my dad walked into a room or you crossed paths with him in the store, on a hiking trail, waiting for a table at a restaurant, or anywhere else, his presence was palpable. He exuded well-intended welcoming. It wasn’t about him, as it can be sometimes when someone charismatic enters the room, but instead was about a curiosity and interest in others. He didn’t need to tell you who he was but instead was excited to find out who you were.

In that same way, he assumed a lot about the capabilities of others. He was the quintessential “I see things in you that you don’t see in yourself” guy. He would extend himself to help get others to the starting line – but had faith that you could continue on from there. He could help on an effort without needing to own it or control it.

My dad worried over relationships and conflict. It was palpable when something worried him – but then he’d move to do whatever he felt would restore his part of the balance. He definitely followed the advice of one of his favorite quips, “If you have to eat crow, eat it early while its tender.” Then he seemed to be able to let it go so that time and faith could do their parts.

When I break down that phrase that my brother used for my dad, I realize how much magic there was in not leaving where he was. It’s one of the reasons he accomplished so much in his life – because he didn’t waste any time or energy being someone else.

If you are a podcast person, I’d love for you to listen to the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast (and subscribe). It’s now on Spotify, Apple podcasts, Amazon podcasts, and Pocket Casts as Sharing the Heart of the Matter. And here’s a link to the shownotes to this episode about Finding My Father’s Faith.

57 thoughts on “Without Leaving Where He Was”

  2. Wynne, your father sounds like an absolute gem of a human being. How fortunate you are that he was your father. ❤️ I love the idea of meeting someone where they are, without leaving where you are. The acceptance without judgement, and the being comfortable enough in your own skin to not feel compelled to conform to behaviors that violate your values. Wow. That’s something I think we should all strive for. Thank you for this, Wynne! What a wonderful start to my morning. 💕

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Thank you, Erin. You are right – I was so lucky to have him as a dad. It doesn’t mean I’m any closer to achieving any of these things but at least I know what’s possible. 🙂 Thank you for the lovely comment!

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Lovely picture you painted of your father Wynne, leading up to the Podcast. I imagine he touched so many lives and made a memorable difference everywhere he went. What a legacy he has left- that ability to be exactly who he was while accepting everyone around him for who they were.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ah…yes…that may have been my favorite part of the book — the beautiful statement from your brother, describing your dad — such an undercurrent/theme for the whole of his story.
    xo, Wynne! ❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

      2. Wow wow wow. Thank you, VJ! I really appreciate you subscribing! And maybe you’d be willing one of these days to come on the podcast to talk about the amazing heart stories with the Ukranians you’ve hosted?

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  8. A beautiful tribute. I would have loved the opportunity to meet your dad but in a way I am meeting through your writing. I enjoyed the podcasts too and plan to purchase your book.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Your Dad was clearly a very special person. The world needs far more people like him, especially those who find themselves in a position of leadership, to lead by his kind of example.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. “He never left his faith behind even when he wasn’t talking about it.” . . . a ‘walk it like you talk it’ legacy we all can endeavor to aspire to.

    You, as undoubtedly countless others Wynne, were truly blessed with a dad who walked hand-in-hand with his Dad. Although he’s no longer sharing this life with you, he will someday share Eternity with you, I, and all the other lives he touched on his all too brief journey here.

    Thanks for sharing this encouraging post.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. “He knew what his values were and was confident in them that he didn’t trade them to fit in. But he was certain enough of who he was so that he seem to understand that others’ behavior didn’t diminish him and therefore freed him from judgment.” – What great advice! Your Dad was a one-in-a-kind champ!

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  12. Thank you for sharing these personal and hope inspiring thoughts, Wynne. Your description of your father paints a wonderful man. He has left many lessons which you still share in your writing. His sermon notes you post each Sunday brighten up the week.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. “If you have to eat crow, eat it while it’s tender”: I love that quote! You are blessed to have been his daughter and double blessed to possess the capability to write well, using his wisdom as your guide.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Your dad sounds like a wonderful guy, Wynne. I always enjoy reading your stories about him and your Sunday funnies. I think it’s wonderful how someone like your dad could meet people where they were without leaving where he was. We really need more of that and more people with his values and character in this world today. Good for you for carrying forward this tradition.

    Podcast episode is bookmarked to enjoy later this weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Your dad sounds like such a warm and caring person. But also someone who could see the potential in others and support them in their journey to be their best selves. Your anecdotes are such a tribute of love for your dad. Thanks for sharing these! Also, what a great picture of you both!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. This is such a nice reflection on your father. He sounds like a wonderful person. There are so few who teach by example. It must have been wonderful to grow up next to one of these people.

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    1. Thank you for the lovely comment, Jeff! You are right – I was fortunate to have him as a father. You’ve reminded me of your comment about your wife – nice when we get lucky with the people in our lives!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. This is a beautiful reflection on the life. ❤

    It’s amazing how he was able to balance being himself and connecting with those around him, regardless of the situation or environment. Your father’s confidence in his values and his ability to make others feel welcome and seen is truly admirable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Ritish. You’ve summed him up beautifully which makes me feel like I accomplished my mission in describing him. I am so grateful to you for that! Wishing you all the best!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome Wynne! It’s always a great feeling to see someone’s thoughts and feelings accurately reflected. I’m grateful for your kind words and wish you all the best too! 🌟

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  18. In my experience it’s been rare for a faith-based individual to bite their tongue when confronting those with secular beliefs, so truly, hats off to your dad for his compassion and confidence. He sounds like a great man.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’d totally agree with you there, Mark. And I would say from watching my dad, that his method was far more effective because he could bring his expansive self into a situation without raising the guard of those around thinking they’d have to be defensive about their beliefs.

      Thanks for your generous comment!

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  19. I love how you write about your dad and the lesso s you learned from him. I’ve written a lot about my mother and the life lessons I learned the hard way from her behavior, yet I haven’t written about my father. I think it’s time to change that!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I felt I missed a beat at “without leaving where he was.” What an amazing human being.

    What a beautiful and touching tribute to your father.

    What an amazing tribute he gifted to the world by giving us you.

    Thank you, both.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. This was eloquent as it was powerful. Not to mention very personal and timely for me. This week I had an individual come up to me after a panel I was on and informed me that I am always “so genuine”. I have heard the statement before, and it always makes me pause and silently think who/what else am I supposed to be beside my authentic self. However, now I have a new perspective and phrase to capture such statements “He met you where you were without leaving where he was.” Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow – I love that comment you got after your panel experience. What a compliment! And your reaction shows how intuitively/confidently you in habit that space.

      Thanks for reading and this great comment, MSW!

      Liked by 1 person

  25. He sounds like such a great man. I look forward to reading this book!

    This quote: “At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.” – Sandi Lynn
    Gosh, that speaks to me. It’s so true. :/ I’m already preparing myself for the day Sensei will go the way of the CMG. I should probably enjoy the ride and stop thinking about the end, but, I like to think I’ll be prepared this time.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Come to think of it, I suppose even my preparation didn’t help much. You reminded me of a conversation with CMG years ago where I said, “You’re going to eventually transfer to a new store, and I’ll never see you again.” See, I prepped. Then he looked at me and said, “Or you drive farther.” Those were the days. I’m glad I managed that one last visit. Who knows how things will end with Sensei.

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