Meaningful Interaction

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“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

I was reading an article written by a single mom with kids who was bemoaning her situation in life. And there were many things I could relate to even though her kids are a lot older than mine (maybe in their 20’s). Because it’s hard to live in a house where you are loved dearly but not really cared for.

But there was a lonely note in her writing that I couldn’t place. So I looked up loneliness in Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart. Brené includes the definition of loneliness as defined by social neuroscientist, John Cacioppo and his colleague William Patrick as “perceived social isolation.” And Brené expands on this with “At the heart of loneliness is the absence of meaningful social interaction – an intimate relationship, friendships, family gatherings, or even community or work group connections.”

It brings to mind two times in recent years that I’ve felt lonely and had to adjust my social interactions to make them meaningful. The first was when I first became a mother. I remember one night I courageously left my daughter with a babysitter and went to a restaurant to drink wine and watch a Seahawks game with a good friend. I had fun – but the next morning got up and felt empty because what used to be fun for me longer met my needs. I longed for more meaningful interaction.

And the second was when the pandemic started. All of a sudden my meaningful interactions with other parents were eliminated or reduced to online. I had to find another way — and that eventually led me to blogging.

Thinking about Brené’s comment – it isn’t about how many friends we have or whether we are in a partnership, it’s about whether we are meeting our needs for depth. In fact, I think the loneliest place I’ve ever been is inside a committed relationship. I send a wish to the author of that article and for us all to have the focus on cultivating friendships where we are seen.

What makes you feel less lonely? What counts as meaningful interaction for you?

(featured photo from Pexels)

37 thoughts on “Meaningful Interaction”

  1. In my parents’ generation, couples meeting with other couples was common, if not expected.

    While I enjoy the laughter and pleasure of such get-togethers, I usually prefer meeting with one other person at a time.

    There is more depth and intimacy, less publicly consumable discussion, and a greater possibility of forming or increasing bonds.

    I recommend it to those who wish to be seen, as you do, Wynne.

    Liked by 5 people

    2. This is such an insightful observation you’ve made, Wynne! And I like Gerald’s point on the types of interactions one can have in larger events vs. smaller ones. One positive that was often highlighted in open-space offices was the ease-of-communication. But as I read more on that topic, additional research showed that it was mainly superficial conversations that happened in those environments. When employees wanted to have an in-depth discussion, they invariably went to a conference room where they could close the door and be in a small setting that fostered a more meaningful interaction.

      I really like how you pointed this in our every day relationships as well. It’s going to have me thinking for a while. Thank you for that!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. EW, I love how you can expand my thinking on any topic. I can totally see the point about open-space offices. And now with people working remotely – what does that do? Are people scheduling one-on-one time with their close office colleagues to catch up?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. It’s all in the wonderfully thought-provoking topics you bring up and in how well you expose them!

        That’s a great question. I think we’ve seen the issue pop up long before the pandemic, with globally dispersed teams needing to work together, sometimes without ever getting the chance to meet in person. Yes, there’s video, but that’s not the same. What do you think are those “intangibles” that are lost when working remotely?

        Liked by 2 people

      3. You are so good at keeping a meaningful conversation going, EW! I think one thing I learned from a podcast was that our neurosception – the ability of our nervous systems to connect and to resonate calm is harder to do remotely.

        What do you think?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I guess keeping in touch with those people who have left a footprint on my heart is the most meaningful interaction, and that can be done by an email, a text, a call, or just by recalling a particularly impactful conversation. The important thing is to have made some true friendships as described by Eleanor Roosevelt, and to continue to be on the lookout for new ones, being open to feeling a strong connection.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Cheers to Dr. Stein’s mention of ‘depth’. Feeling the same. I sometimes think of the people who’ve passed through my life as ‘surface dwellers’ because I also appreciate/require more depth to build a sustainable relationship. In 2014, I was in the weeds wrapping up my dissertation. So many voices and short-term relationships during that time. I remember I kept tripping over Brene Brown’s work – especially “Daring Greatly” and her ideas about cultivating love…being vulnerable in order to build trust…solidified my feelings about what’s ‘meaningful’ in a relationship and offered encouragement to be choosy. ❤ Thanks for your post, Wynne!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love your phrase “encouragement to be choosy.” Yes! And “surface dwellers” also resonates with me. It feels as if your willingness to be vulnerable in your writing reflects that you have taken that vulnerability/trust dynamic and used it to foster great depth. I’m grateful to have met you in this blogging context, Vicki!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I think meaningful interactions are often passed by these days, with so many people burned out and overwhelmed still from the past couple of years. For those of us who need those meaningful moments, online discussions and conversations can fill in a void. I too felt the most lonely when my marriages didn’t work out; to be isolated from the very person with whom a life-long commitment has been made is very hurtful and feels like a betrayal of emotions. I’m grateful to now be able to have deep conversations with my grandson, who seeks me out when we visit together, to discuss various things he has on his heart. He bemoans the lack of people in his life he can discuss meaningfully deep topics. My youngest granddaughter is developing short little bursts of deeper discussion abilities, but my older granddaughter doesn’t seem interested, so I don’t push it. My daughter and I will also have had many deep discussions, so I’m grateful to have family around me with those capabilities!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What lovely descriptions you have of your family! It’s so wonderful how tenderly and deeply you are there for your daughter and her kids. How lucky for you all! And you know how much I appreciate your depth and thinking!!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I’ve had my share of superficial interactions over the years, including a husband that would avoid anything meaningful at all costs. I’m cultivating meaning and true honesty now with my adult children, in places on my blog, and with a few select individuals. I don’t feel that I need a wide swath of people in my life. Maturation (hopefully) allows us to learn who we are and who we truly want to surround ourselves with in meaningful ways.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh, how trying that relationship with your ex must have been. I feel you with that one. I remember thinking that I felt both suffocated and starved with my ex since his needs had such supreme importance and mine not at all.

      And I love what you say about our mature relationships. Yes to that authenticity and meaning!

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I haven’t felt lonely in a long time (thankfully). The only times I can really remember experiencing that emotion were in the months immediately following my separation and divorce from my ex. Having said that, loneliness by that point was a thousand times better than what passed for our marriage before, so there’s a silver lining for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Wow this is so true and beautiful. And this struck me: In fact, I think the loneliest place I’ve ever been is inside a committed relationship. I agree there’s nothing lonelier than being with someone (even for an hour) with whom you can’t connect with or who is closed off. I had a date like that recently and never went out with him again bc I never want to feel that way around someone. I’m so glad you were able to sort of pivot during those dark times, and thanks so much for sharing about those. Because I don’t know about you, but I always feel closer to people and less alone when I hear someone has struggled like I have. That’s why blogging is so healing and amazing. So glad you started this! 💖

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are so right about blogging as so healing and amazing. And I appreciate you saying you’ve felt the same about relationships too! And I love love love that you said no to that date – because isn’t it great to be of an age that we know that?!

      I’m grateful to be getting to know you, Libby! I sense we have many meaningful interactions to come!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. “I think the loneliest place I’ve ever been is inside a committed relationship.” Amen to that, Wynne! For me, less is more when it comes to deep and meaningful relationships. I much prefer a circle of fewer friends and deeper connections. I love Brown’s writing about loneliness and the stigma that can be attached to it. Kristen Radtke’s graphic nonfiction book Seek You is another thought-provoking dive into loneliness in America. Love this post 💜

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Fewer friends and deeper connections – yes! And I can’t wait to check out Seek You. Sounds so wonderfully worthwhile.

      And I’m grateful for all the meaningful interactions I have with you, Natalie!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Thank you for sharing this definition of loneliness and for the two times you felt this. It rings true to me as well.

    I love my T dearly but it has absolutely uprooted and revamped my social life and interactions. How I miss adult conversation and that’s why I enjoy them so much when I get together with friends.

    And let’s not get started about the pandemic too!

    As your kids get older, I hope and anticipate that this dynamic will change for you. Hang in there. 😊🙏

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love your sentence – “let’s not get started about the pandemic.” Laughing — and exactly!!

      Yes, I think the dynamic changes as our kids get older but I’m glad that you affirm how isolating young kids can be. So grateful for all our meaningful interactions, Ab!

      Liked by 2 people

  11. Oh wow, I can totally relate to being lonely in a relationship. I’d even moved countries for one, then realising that I’d made such a huge mistake. Loneliness can also come in crowds for me, most notably when I’m among extroverts who don’t understand my desire to be alone. This typically happens in office settings, lol.

    I’m not great with relationships, so I haven’t figured out what works for me yet, but I’ll let you know when I do!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m glad I’m not the only one that hasn’t figured out what works for me yet, Stuart! Yes, I want to know when you figure it out – and I’ll do the same!

      So interesting what you say about being lonely among extroverts. It makes sense.

      Liked by 2 people

  12. Social isolation is brutal, even for those of us who mostly seek it out. The pandemic has definitely changed things for us.

    I like the comment about depth. I think perhaps that’s why it’s possible to feel lonely in crowds and at parties. No real connection. I enjoyed this post. It really made me think.

    As for what makes me feel less lonely, usually reaching out.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I’d say what counts for me as meaningful is feeling deeply understood with whatever it is at the moment I am feeling. I want someone that we match in our energies. Sometimes it’s deep but often it’s more shallow like we both love/hate running, want to go for a run but also don’t want to take it too seriously. And also I have to accept at times that there might not be someone else who will match my energy and that solitude doesn’t have to be lonely.

    Your statement “the loneliest place I’ve ever been is inside a committed relationship” struck a chord with me. And based on the comments, looks like that struck a chord with many. I have been in relationships where I have definitely felt incredibly lonely and it was terrible! While those were bad relationships, I also have learned not to rely on my partner to fulfill all my needs. I have a lot of friends into polyamory, and while that is not my thing, this is their central tenet and it’s so true! While I know I can always share with my partner and they will always empathize, some things are just harder to empathize when you’re on the outside! Or sometimes it is just bad timing. And that goes both ways. For example, my sister is the one I connect with the most to worry or complain about my parents. I have friends who better understand academic joys and BS than my partner who isn’t in academia. This doesn’t mean I don’t share it with him, I just accept that it doesn’t mean the same to him and it can’t which is no moral failing of him.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I love your point about not relying on our partners to fulfill all our needs. Yes! What you describe is such a healthy network of touch points and connections. I picture a delightful web of support as you detail what works for you!

      And your sentence – solitude doesn’t have to be lonely. Right! That points to some deep inner peace! Love it. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Your blog sent me on a trip down memory lane from my youth and what was meaningful then, to my current senior years and what is important to me now. The gift of a long life is the ability to see the difference between the then and the now, and to appreciate where I’ve been and where I am today. I am fortunate to have cultivated a sense of contentment with my own company, and am at peace with being alone but not lonely. It’s a blessing that I wish for all.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wow, Julia – what a thought-provoking perspective that you provide. So beautiful! And I love the wish for everyone to have the blessing of being alone but not lonely. Wouldn’t that solve so many of our self-inflicted ills?

      Liked by 2 people

  15. Pingback: Meaningful Interaction – Stay Healthy Weekly

  16. Yes, I’m behind with reading blogs again – your post has bought to the surface many memories – not just ancient ones but the recent ones.
    Thanks for sharing, and all the comments posted by others

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Falling in love is great. But staying in love is difficult. When you meet someone who sweeps you off your feet, makes your skin tingle, and ignites deep feelings, the next logical step is to get into a committed relationship with them. After all, isn’t cementing your bond and planning your life ahead the most beautiful part of being in love?

    Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. Relationships have become rather complex these days with many factors impacting their success or failure.

    In some relationships (most people will say), commitment means being exclusive. Not seeing anyone else romantically. However, the opposite isn’t necessarily true: agreeing to be exclusive doesn’t automatically mean that you’re committed to a relationship. You’re simply only going to date one another for the time being. But a commitment takes things to the next level: you’re ready to dedicate yourself to being a good partner and seeing where this relationship can go.
    https://uwagood.com/2022/11/08/committed-relationship-meaning-what-are-signs-of-a-committed-relationship/

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