Automatic Rules

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“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.” – Aristotle

I’ve been thinking about my rules for life. Inspired by a Ten Percent Happier podcast where host Dan Harris interviews blogger and author, Shane Parrish, about making good decisions, I’ve been reviewing the rules that serve me and the ones I need.

Shane described these automatic rules as the ones that can help us overcome a particular inertia or tendency. His example came from a time he was hanging out with Daniel Kahneman (author of Thinking Fast and Slow) and heard Daniel say to someone on the phone, “My rule is to never say ‘yes’ on the phone.”

When Daniel ended the call, Shane asked him to say more about the rule. He explained that his inclination to want to be a nice guy was leading him to say “yes” to things that he really didn’t want to do. So he implemented a rule.

Isn’t that a fascinating example? It made me think of turn-around time on mountains. When we head for the summit knowing that we will turn around at 2pm (or whatever the cut-off is), it helps to curb the bad decisions that come with fatigue and ambition (e.g. but we’re so close, how about a half an hour more?). It brings to mind the story of Rob Hall, a guide on Mt. Everest, who died trying to get a client to the top after they ignored the turn-around time.

I have some rules that were instilled from growing up, they are way less dramatic:

  • Do your chores first thing before you go out to play
  • If something needs to be done, start right away
  • Say what you’ll do and do what you say

And the rules that I’ve added over time:

  • I get up early every morning to meditate and write (this keeps me from wondering if I should sleep in or get up)
  • I don’t read emails after 9pm (this makes for way better sleep)
  • I turn off all phone notifications after 9:30pm (so I actually get to bed)
  • Say “yes” when my kids ask me to play with them anytime I can

And the ones that I need:

  • Don’t buy Halloween candy before the day of or at the very most the couple of days before (the train has left the station this year but I’m going to try to remember it for next)
  • Have a hard cut-off of my writing time at 6:40am, even if I’m mid-sentence, so I can wake the kids on time. (I have been fudging this and then we all end up late)

Shane got his start as a blogger when he was working for an US intelligence agency in the wake of 9/11. Not only do I like his suggestions for reviewing the automatic rules to curb impulses, but I also like to believe that people like him are making good decisions behind the scenes in the country.

Oh, and one more rule I have for Fridays – listening to the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Pocket Casts. This week’s episode is Episode 41: Enter if you Dare with Mark Petruska

(featured photo from Pexels)

48 thoughts on “Automatic Rules”

  1. Hard cut-off times are challenging when you want to keep going! I do think having an automatic rule that kicks in helps with that and so many other things. Thank you for the reminder to be intentional about setting those internal rules.☀️

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  3. Good rules, Wynne. One of the challenges therapists observe in some patients, is that they know the rules but lack the will to enforce them, or fear the consequences if the do, such as losing a relationship. The answer to this dilemma is important and too long to cover, but suffice to say that one is best advised to create only those rules you that are realistic for you to enforce.

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    1. An excellent point, Dr. Stein. Maybe there is a distinction between the rules we can adopt for internal readiness and general social situations to have an automatic answer and boundaries with the people closest to us? I would think the latter would be harder to discern and maintain in most cases.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. The rule of never saying yes on the phone is a good one. It gives you time to think and you can always go back and say yes. My mom was stickler for your rule of getting chores done before play. Also, your advice of starting something that needs to be done right away is so good to end procrastination. Thanks for your list!

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  6. How about No candy of any kind will enter my house unless someone else brings it in… 🙂

    Life right now is pretty open and I like that. The rule that I want and am pretty successful at right now though is: Say what needs to be said with kindness and love no matter how hard it may be.

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  7. I think Aristotle was on to something here – “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.” – Aristotle.” And be careful of what that inner voice keeps chattering about as it is very powerful to what we become!

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Love the post and, as seems often to be the case with your posts, its timing. I began the week knowing I needed a couple new rules but not sure how to get in the ballpark of discerning them. As luck would have it, I also began the week with an opportunity to get very, very granular data. While the rules aren’t ready-for-words clear yet, this post has me grateful to see them taking form (and curious to see the specific rules on the other side of seeing the fuller form!). 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love your description of the opportunity to get very, very granular data. That sounds like it could be either a very good or somewhat painful experience. But I’m glad that the timing of this post was a good coincidence. There isn’t any rule that our rules can be refined over time, right? 🙂 ❤

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  10. I love the idea of not only setting and also enforcing those rules for ourselves. I know that’s made a huge difference in my life, and I can only imagine what a difference it makes when adding kids and pets into the mix!

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  11. Little rules of life are so useful for certain things! Bedtime routines are something I like to stick with, same as morning routines. Not really rules per se, but they help keep me on track.
    Other times I tend to just flow with it.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Right?! It’s good to identify the areas we could use some rules and allow ourselves freedom in other areas. No need to regiment everything, right?!

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    1. That’s funny, Michelle, because I was thinking of your one piece of candy rule when I wrote this. Dang, the Halloween candy – it’s so accessible! 🙂 Hope you are enjoying your trip!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Thank you for sharing your rules and some of your memories!.. the only rule I have is “follow my heart”, I rarely go wrong… 🙂

    Hope all is well in your part of the universe and until we meet again..
    May the sun shine all day long
    Everything go right, nothing go wrong
    May those you love bring love back to you
    And may all the wishes you wish come true
    May your troubles be less
    Your blessings be more
    And nothing but happiness
    Come through your door
    (Irish Saying)

    Liked by 1 person

  15. These automatic rules are wonderful and I can see how they can be especially vital when you are busy professional and parent. It’s a survival mechanism.

    I’m with you on the no emails after I certain time and turning off notifications. I go a step further and put my phone on airplane mode.

    Learning to say No is something I need to do more of. Helps set healthy boundaries and maintain our energy and sanity.

    Wishing you all a nice weekend ahead!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I like this hard cut-off idea and I love the rules you have for yourself (especially playing with the kids). I think I could benefit from giving this a try- I tend to stay on a task or project until it’s either done, or I’m hopelessly behind on other things. Thanks for the good idea!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I have a few automatic rules. One is if it takes less than two minutes to do something, do it now. Another is I only attend to social media when I can sit down; no walking or standing in lines while looking at my phone. A third is never eat anything sweet without knowing exactly how this thing is sweetened: I’m allergic to chemical sweeteners and some preservatives. Great topic, and now you’ve got me thinking.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. While I do have some rules, I haven’t really thought of them in list form. I think I will pay a little more attention to the rules/habits that I use to function daily, because I’m pretty sure there is room for improvement!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Love how childhood rules, now make way more sense and seem less dramatic. A few of mine were to make my bed before I leave my bedroom, clean my face, and brush my teeth before I started my day. I still implement those rules now and I always feel like I have a head start on my day. One of the best adult rules I have implemented is no electronics on my nightstand. Thanks for sharing your rules!

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