Category: humor

Sunday Funnies: Jan 15

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A rerun of my dad’s humor cards. I laughed all over again when I found this one – the very first one I posted on 11/21/2021

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Things I Learned as a Child

  1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
  2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let your mom brush your hair.
  3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
  4. Never asks a three-year-old to hold a tomato.
  5. Whether she’s real or not, you should believe in the tooth fairy if you like money.
  6. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
  7. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
  8. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  9. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
  10. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

Sunday Funnies: Jan 8

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The last installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Life Summed Up

At Presbytery yesterday, one of my colleagues passed along this definition of the eight decades of man:

Spills, Drills, Thrills, Bills, Frills, Ills, Pills and Wills.

(Parables, etc. Vol. 3, #3, May 1983)

___________________________________________________

And that is the very last card in the stack. Somehow it seems so fitting because it reminds me that there is an end to everything. And we get to sum it up in whatever way we want. It might not always rhyme or be prettily tied up on a bow – but we will all leave something behind. Hopefully, like was true with my wonderful father, it’s a lot of laughter, inspiration, and the memory of a life well-lived.

I’d define his life and decades as this: Good-willed, eloquently quilled and peace, joy and love filled.

Sunday Funnies: Jan 1

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Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

New Beginnings

The young preacher had just announced to his congregation that he was requesting the dissolution of the pastoral relationship in order to accept another call. he was standing at the door after the service and greeting people, as preachers are wont to do, when one of the elderly saints approached him, her eyes swimming with tears.

She sobbed, “Oh pastor, I’m so sorry you’ve decided to leave, things will never be the same again.”

The young man was flattered by was equal to the situation and took her hands in his and most benevolently replied, “Bless you, dear lady, but I’m sure that God will send you a new pastor even better than I.”

She choked back a sob and was heard to say, “That’s what they all say, but they keep getting worse and worse.”

(Parables, etc. Vol. 3 #3, May 1983)

Happy New Year, everyone! Hope your new beginnings get better and better!

Sunday Funnies: Dec 25

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Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Inside Work

Marjorie Camper and her six-year-old son were working in the garden one spring day. Mrs. Camper was absorbed in her work while the little boy explored the miracle of growing things exploding everywhere. All at once, he picked a daffodil bud, sat down on the ground and studied it.

Then with his two little hands he tried to force it open into full blossom. Frustrated, her cried out, “Mommy, why is it that when I try to open the bud, it just falls to pieces and dies? How does God open it into a beautiful flower?”

And before his mother could give an answer, he made his own “A-ha!” discovery and said, “Oh, I know! God always works from the inside.”

from Don Maddox, Covenant United Presbyterian, Corona, CA

Sunday Funnies: Dec. 18

Posted in humorTagged , 34 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Signs That You’re Over the Hill

<continued from last week>

You look both ways before crossing a room

You keep repeating yourself.

You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

You realize a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

Many of your co-workers were born in the same year that you got your last promotion.

The clothes that you’ve put away until they come back in style – come back in style.

All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

You keep repeating yourself.

You find this list tasteless and insensitive.

Sunday Funnies: Dec 11th

Posted in humorTagged , 39 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Signs That You’re Over the Hill

You’re sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

You keep repeating yourself.

You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing, “Kumbaya.”

You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

Your insurance company has started sending you their free calendar – a month at a time.

You keep repeating yourself.

At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into “dueling ailments.”

It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

You begin every other sentence with “Nowadays…”

You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

You keep repeating yourself.

Sunday Funnies: Dec 4th

Posted in humorTagged , 47 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Persistence

A duck enters a bar and asks for duck food. The bartender says, “We don’t have any and we don’t serve ducks, now get out of here!”

The next day the ducks returns and asks for duck food. The bartender replies hotly, “I told you ‘no.’ Now get out and if you come back I’ll nail those web feet to the floor.”

The following day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any nails?” The bartender answers, “No.” Then the duck asks, “Then do you have any duck food?”

Sunday Funnies: Nov 27

Posted in humorTagged , 31 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Expectations

It was Aunt Sarah’s birthday. Aunt Sarah was ninety-nine years old — the oldest resident in a small town. Among the guests at her birthday party was her thirty-nine-year-old pastor. As the pastor was preparing to leave, he said, “Now, Aunt Sarah, I hope that one year from this very day, I will be able to come and celebrate your one-hundredth birthday with you.” Aunt Sarah looked at him for a moment, then said, “I don’t see why not! You look fairly healthy to me!”

Sunday Funnies: Nov 20

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Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Magically Appearing

A rabbi goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber, and asks how much he owes him. The barber says, “Rabbi, you’re a learned man, a wise man, I couldn’t charge you. It’s on the house. The rabbi says, “Thank you very much, Shalom” and leaves. The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold coins.

A few days later, a Buddhist monk goes in for a shave and a shine, and when the time comes the pay, the barber says, “No money, please, you’re a spiritual leader, a man of the people. It’s on the house. The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 rubies.

The following week a Presbyterian minister comes in, gets a haircut, goes to pay, and the barber says, “No, Reverend, you are a holy man, a man of the cloth. I can’t take any money from you, go in peace and serve the Lord. The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 Presbyterian ministers.

Sunday Funnies: Nov 13

Posted in humorTagged , 28 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Short Shots

Same Starting Date... It may be true that life begins at 40, but so does rheumatism. (submitted by Byron Erixon)

Advice From an Old Carpenter….Measure twice and saw once.

Friendship…Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your back yard, in which to bury the faults of your friends. (Henry Ward Beecher)

Why Mothers Cry…Many girls marry men just like their fathers, which may explain why many mothers cry at weddings. (From “Prokope” Warren Wiersbe, Ed.)

Youth Vs. Maturity...We are only young once, be we can be immaturely indefinitely. (Bits and Pieces)

Love and Truth…The man who will not admit he’s wrong loves himself more than he loves the truth. (Bits and Pieces)

They’re Not Permanent...Success is not permanent, but neither is failure. (Bits and Pieces)