Category: Antidotetomeanness

Sunday Funnies

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“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain

I inherited my dad’s folder of quotes and jokes. He was still collecting these 13 years after he retired from being a Presbyterian pastor, probably because he still did a lot of speaking engagements. He knew there’s nothing like a belly laugh to make us fully exhale and then deeply breathe into the delight of the day.

So here’s one from his file – the results from the Washington Post 2006 Neolologism Contest where they ask readers to supply alternate meanings for common words:

  1. Coffee
    (n.) the person upon whom one coughs
  2. Flabbergasted
    (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained
  3. Abdicate
    (n.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
  4. Esplanade
    (v.) to attempt an explanation whilst drunk
  5. Willy-nilly
    (adj.) impotent
  6. Negligent
    (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown
  7. Gargoyle
    (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash
  8. Flatulence
    (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
  9. Balderdash
    (n.) a rapidly receding hairline
  10. Testicle
    (n.) a humorous question on an exam
  11. Rectitude
    (n.) the formal dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
  12. Pokemon
    (n.) A Rastafarian proctologist

Eat, Play, Love: Part III

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“The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough of is love.” – Henry Miller

Intro: I had a beloved golden retriever named Biscuit who in addition to being a goofy, energetic, enthusiastic and LOYAL friend was an old soul. In his older years I started taking his picture with signs. Although it’s my writing and initiative, these were somehow his words in a way I can’t explain. He’s been gone four years and in a tribute to him on his birthday, here’s a book we wrote. Eat, Play, Love.

Back to chapter 1: Eat

Back to chapter 2: Play

Chapter 3: Love

Eat, Play, Love: Part II

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“Creative people are curious, flexible, persistent, and independent with a tremendous spirit of adventure and a love of play.” – Henri Matisse

Intro: I had a beloved golden retriever named Biscuit who in addition to being a goofy, energetic, enthusiastic and LOYAL friend was an old soul. In his older years I started taking his picture with signs. Although it’s my writing and initiative, these were somehow his words in a way I can’t explain. He’s been gone four years and in a tribute to him on his birthday, here’s a book we wrote. Eat, Play, Love.

Back to chapter 1: Eat

Chapter 2: Play

Chapter 3 – Love

Eat, Play, Love: Part I

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“One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats.” – Iris Murdoch

Intro: I had a beloved golden retriever named Biscuit who in addition to being a goofy, energetic, enthusiastic and LOYAL friend was an old soul. In his older years I started taking his picture with signs. Although it’s my writing and initiative, these were somehow his words in a way I can’t explain. He’s been gone four years and in a tribute to him on his birthday, here’s a book we wrote. Eat, Play, Love.

Chapter 1:

Chapter 2: Eat

Changing Accomodations

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A friend suggested that I jump off a platform into a lake this summer. Logically speaking it seemed like a fine thing to do — the platform was higher than 10 feet but lower than 20 feet, the lake was deep, my friend has done it many times and I’ve jumped off higher things although not for a long time. It wasn’t until I stood at the edge of it and felt my gorge rise and my pulse race that I realized I very rarely feel visceral fear these days.

The times I feel something in the fear spectrum, when I’m tired and hungry or in the middle of the night when I can’t go back to sleep, it often is disguised as fear’s gentler cousins – dread, disappointment, doubt or disillusionment. It wasn’t until I tasted that full-on experience again that I realized how closely related they are and how they must be guarded against just as carefully.
I stood on that platform for a long time, unable to jump or back down. Then a nice young man volunteered to do it first and that broke fear’s hold so that I could as well. Sometimes I just need someone to show me that there is nothing other than my own reluctance holding me in that cheapest room of the house.

The Future is Here

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I think time travel is possible in a way. Looking at this picture, I can see all the future pictures of Miss O posing in her prom dress, her graduation gown, her wedding dress. I can see how her natural empathy will build into deep friendships, her curiosity will drive passions and interests and her laughter and enthusiasm will infuse everything with fun. It makes me so hopeful and proud!