“We’re all different. Don’t judge. Understand instead.” – Roy T. Bennett
I have this illogical tic that drives me crazy. When I walk Cooper the dog in the pre-dawn hours, I like to wear my white coat that is puffy with a hood. The problem is that it is not water resistant.
When I hear that it’s raining, I know that I should wear a different coat that is water resistant. The two coats sit on hooks side by side so it’s just as easy to grab the other coat. But most of the time, I still pick the puffy white one. Then I return home with a wet shirt underneath.
I’m a Seattleite and I’ve climbed mountains. I know that the gear you wear makes all the difference in your experience. Granted, the morning walk is only about 15 minutes long so it’s not life or death. It’s not even long enough to be truly uncomfortable.
But it is long enough to think about why I keep making the choice. I finally put my finger on it. It’s because the pockets on the white coat are soft and comfortable. In the morning when I’ve launched myself out of bed and into the cold before I’ve had a cup of tea or done my meditation, it’s dark (and raining), I just want a little bit of cozy.
When I read Anne Beall’s book, The Compassionate Writer, it made me think of this illogical coat choice. Because when I see others acting in a way that will get them soaked, metaphorically speaking, I think they should make different choices.
“Another common bias is what psychologists call the actor-observer effect. Research by Nisbett and colleagues shows that tend to explain our own behavior based on external circumstances – ‘I didn’t have a choice,’ or ‘The situation made me do it.’ However we attribute other people’s behavior to their personality or character. This can skew how we interpret both our actions and theirs.” – Anne Beall, The Compassionate Writer
Anne makes an excellent point that when we write with the understanding of this bias, it’s more relatable. It probably makes us better humans as well. Case in point, I worry when my six-year-old son would prefer to wear a sweatshirt on rainy days instead of a rain jacket. [Apple doesn’t fall far them the tree.]
P.S. If you haven’t heard the How to Share podcast with Anne yet, it’s worth a listen. She’s got so much wisdom about compassionate for ourselves and others!
(featured photo is mine)
You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon
Please check out the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing!
Surprised By Joy 
About a month ago, we got a rainstorm that dropped over two inches in the late afternoon. I volunteer at a food pantry and it was my night. I have rain gear – pants and a top, but I chose to wear only the top. I was drenched at the end of the shift; my shoes were squeaky, and my pants were literally painted on. I should’ve worn the pants, but I didn’t. It’s funny how we make these choices. Fortunately, the temps were in the 50s not the 30s so being wet though uncomfortable wasn’t that unpleasant. A couple of weeks later it was close to zero for our shift. Congrats to your Seahawks – that surely put a kick in your step this morning.
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This post is eye-opening. The quote from the book about the common bias called the actor-observer effect resonates a lot to me. Thank you Wynne!
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Excellent podcast, grabbed a copy of Beall’s book, and looking forward to the read. Thanks, Wynne!
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We all have these illogical moments, don’t we? I do the same with my light coat from Uniqlo and yes, th sweater in the rain. Comfort over Logic. 🤭
I didn’t watch the game but just looked up who won. Congrats! You just must be so proud. It’s going to be a part in your city today!
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This is such a great, thought-provoking post, Wynne. I think we all have some automatic habits that don’t make much sense until we really start paying attention and being honest with ourselves. Maybe you need to find a waterproof rain coat with cozy pockets when it’s time for a replacement. 🙃
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I agree in part with the idea that we hold others to a different standard than we do ourselves. As a therapist I recognized this as a possibility, but only that. Some people are more self-reflective than that and take a look into the mirror. Indeed, Wynne, you puzzled out your behavior and recognized why you chose the coat you did. It just took a bit of time. Self-knowledge is like that. Somewhere Socrates is giving you a round of applause. Until you find him, listen to mine.
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Good on you for being able to pinpoint the motivator, Wynne.
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You said early morning, pre-dawn hours. I was sure you took the white coat to ensure you are visible. But comfy pockets can be a good reason, too 😉
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Cosy is good Wynne 🤗
Great post my friend!
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Thought-provoking post. Understanding what motivates each of us is so valuable, if for no other reason than it helps us understand ourselves!
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it is interesting how we tend to naturally judge others by different standards than we judge ourselves. I’m always freezing so I assume that everyone else is and as a mom and on the playground it took me a long while to understand that some kids/people just run hot and don’t want to wear lots of layers, scarves and coats and are happy that way and not being defiant. if they are cold they will put on more. mind blowing, who knew? ) as for myself, I love to wear sandals from April through Halloween which makes some people crazy but I just hate wearing shoes and socks, so why did I not get this? I’d be barefoot all the time if I could be
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I like your reasons for wearing the puffy white coat in the morning Wynne! 😀
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Wow, you have given me so much to think about! Interpreting behaviors by internal and external influences is so interesting, thank you, Wynne.
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Whaaat? Choosing perceived comfort over practicality? Pffft, I have NO idea what you’re talking about! Hehehe! I chose cute footwear over actually warm boots on a very cold day, got hypothermia, and it took a few hours to thaw out. Did that twice. Might happen again today, as I’m wearing those same shoes today, on a cold day. -o/- maybe one day I’ll do it right!
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