Showing Up and Telling Stories

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“I do not understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.” – Anne Lamott

One of the books I read in my morning meditation time is Listening to Your Life by author and pastor Frederick Buechner. My mom and I were talking about it a little while back. She mentioned that some find his writing to not be doctrinal enough. Funny because I read him and find at times that I think he’s too doctrinal.  

When I was trying to understand how my view of faith differed from that of my dad (and mom) as I was writing my book Finding My Father’s Faith, I read Dr. M. Scott Peck’s book Further Along the Road Less Traveled. In it he describes four stages of faith.

The first stage, chaotic/antisocial, he reserves for people with anti-social tendencies; his second stage is formal/institutional in which faith is governed by an outside body, typically the church.

Dr. Peck calls stage three people “skeptic/individual.” Often stage three people are children of stage two people who have been raised with the values of the church but fall away from the formality and governance of it.

He then describes these stage-three people as usually scientific, truth-seeking people who often begin to see patterns in the big picture that tie them back to the beliefs of their parents and when they do, they transition to stage four, mystical/communal, “people who have seen a kind of cohesion beneath the surface of things.”

Those stages rang true to me and I found comfort in the classification of it all. Regardless of the theory behind it, I suspect that whatever our ideologies are, it’s a narrow band trying to find others who are align exactly or even fairly closely.

But I think we transcend that when we tell our stories. For me, authentic storytelling skips the doctrinal distinctions in the head and goes right to the heart. Here’s one that recently struck me, Buechner tells the story of a friend showing up when Buechner’s daughter was sick. He’d come from 800 miles away without any advance notice and then spent a couple of nights hanging out.

Buechner said they didn’t do anything particularly religious – went for walks, smoked some pipes, took a drive. “I believe that for a little time we both of us touched the hem of Christ’s garment, were both of us, for a little time anyway, healed.”

For me, it hits me right in what I believe is sacred: showing up, being present, holding space for one another to tell our stories.

67 thoughts on “Showing Up and Telling Stories”

  3. Beautifully written, Wynne. I read more than one of Buechner’ books years ago. I found them very human, vulnerable, and accepting of the fragility and shakiness of his own faith. I am glad he touched you.

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  5. “For me, it hits me right in what I believe is sacred: showing up, being present, holding space for one another to tell our stories.” There’s a lot of wisdom in your closing thought Wynne. When I struggle with my faith, I find grace, showing up for others, and basic kindness have helped light up the way back home.

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  7. That’s helpful – thank you Wynne. The stage 2 putting God in a box or reducing him to a formula is for me very limiting. The human experiential story-telling is one side; the mystery of the transcendent divine that we seek to understand, who chooses to reveal to our limited brains, is the other.

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  9. Love your last sentence, and I love that your blog opens up bandwidth to find people who may align a bit more closely with ideologies . I find myself bouncing back and forth between faith stages 3 (scientific, truth-seeking) and 4 (have seen a kind of cohesion beneath the surface of things). However my parents were not religious, formally or otherwise, I was baptized at 9 years old, only because strangers came to our house, poured water on our heads, and gave us a bible. Currently, I’m trying to nail down my own universal truths with a little more accuracy. And I’m trying to learn how to find peace with others in their demanding divisiveness.

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    1. Oh, your story about being baptized makes me smile, Rose. And I love your statement, “Currently, I’m trying to nail down my own universal truths with a little more accuracy. And I’m trying to learn how to find peace with others in their demanding divisiveness.” Yes – me too!! Thank you for this insightful comment!

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  10. I’m not interested in doctrine if I see large discrepancies between what a person tells me I need to believe and their behavior. I’ve seen too many hypocrites who preach strongly, yet who are altogether hurtful to others. It is only when we get to know people that we can see who they really are.

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    1. Oh yes – completely agree about words and behavior. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, “If what you believe in does not impact how you behave then what you believe in is not important.” – Shaykh Yassir Fazaga Thank you, Tamara!

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  11. ” . . . showing up, being present, holding space for one another to tell our stories.” Yes, I believe in the sacredness of these things too. You mention two of my—can I call them?—mentors. The words and wisdom of Peck and Buechner have, and continue to, influence my life.

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    1. How wonderful that Peck and Buechner are your mentors – I think that’s a lovely way to put it. They’ve influenced me a great deal as well so I’m glad to know I’m in good company! Thank you, Linda!

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  12. I recognize themes of all stages in my lived experience. No doubt, stage two dominated a significant portion of it. I’m probably somewhere in stage 3 or 4 more now, but still I notice some parts of me clinging to stage 2 ways.

    I’ve become such a “fanboy” of showing up and sharing stories – and what it does – that I’ve decided narrative therapy will be at core of my philosophical approach to counseling, provided I make it through the next chapter of learning.

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    1. Love your description as a “fanboy” – yep, me too. Well, fangirl but you know what you mean. It totally fits with your therapeutic direction. That’s so cool!

      Maybe we all cling to stage 2 in traditions? Thanks for the deep and insightful comments – as always. You are a great listener and friend!

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  13. Showing up and being present is more valuable than most people realize. It doesn’t always have to be showing up physically. A quick text saying, “You’re on my mind,” does wonders.☺️

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  14. Very fascinating to read about the theory of the four stages of faith. I can see myself through those different stages in life, someone’s going back and forth, depending on the life circumstances.

    A word I learned through my brief time in church is testimony and I see now the power in showing up and telling stories. They can be healing for that that hear them as well as those that share them. 🙏

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  16. We will always connect better through authentic storytelling. For some reason, Wynne, the American Native culture came through here for me. Their storytelling is a perfect blend of discussing spiritual beliefs and passing down a deep faith in nature and how everything is so interconnected as well as cultural knowledge. They literally speak from the heart everyday; often communally. I may be very wrong, but I feel there is little formal doctrine there. I respect that so much. As you know, I am a true believer in the art of storytelling.

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    2. What an insightful comment, Melanie. I think you are right that there isn’t much doctrine! And I love your storytelling! Thanks for this wonderful addition to the conversation.

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  18. Wonderful insight, Wynne. I’m struggling with the “doctrinal” part of faith, which I don’t see when I read about Jesus in the New Testament. The more I read it, the more I see it like Buechner’s story—and that it’s a good thing. The story is simple, but we make it so hard sometimes. Your last line made the point super clear.

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    1. Ah, I love your insight, Edward. We do make it so hard sometimes! Have you ever read anything from Nadia Bolz-Weber? She’s a Lutheran pastor that’s so good at turning the stories of the Bible inside out.

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  19. Many things to appreciate in this piece, including book suggestions. It is interesting how people have different perspectives about things, isn’t it, like you and your mom. Thank you, Wynne.

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  20. I love this, Wynne! I am a big fan of LaMott and a newcomer to Buechner. I recently read A Crazy Holy Grace, and find myself returning to the place he calls “Remember.” A place where “the power of remembering becomes ours and all the emotions are caught up in and transcended by an extraordinary sense of well being.” Perhaps that is the healing power of telling our own story.

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  24. You’re so right…showing up and being present for others is sacred…and I wonder why in such a connected world it is still such a big challenge for so many…physically or virtually… (Came to your blog from John’s poem- glad I found it).

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  26. This is religion to the umpteenth degree: “He’d come from 800 miles away without any advance notice and then spent a couple of nights hanging out.”
    Love the your heart in all of your stories, Wynne💓

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  29. Thought-provoking post, Wynne. There are so many different perspectives on faith. I’ve heard too many people call themselves Christians but their actions are totally opposite. Your last line sums it up perfectly, and I love Anne’s quote. She lives in my town, so I run into her now and then at the store or post office. 🙂 🥰

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