Resilience and The Right Team

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“Children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care that they get.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I know it’s bad form to brag about your kids. So I’ll ask for your apology in advance. I want to set the expectations appropriately, and then still do exactly what I want to do. Because I was so inspired by my four-year-old that it seems worth passing along.

Two days ago, I saw my son, Mr. D, pull off an incredible feat of resilience. He went to an Aikido class expecting that he could test for his yellow belt. Not only did he expect this, but he’d told his teachers at school, and we’d gotten my mom to come to the class to watch. Plus his favorite person on the planet, his darling older sister, would be there.

But when he did his practice test, he screwed up the forward rolls. The Sensei is a very good teacher and won’t let anyone take the test until they’ve got it down. So, she let him know before his class started that he wouldn’t be able to test that day.

He lined up for class with his bottom lip quivering and he kept glancing at me to commiserate his disappointment. The crestfallen look on his face was enough that I felt like crying myself. But about halfway through the 50-minute class, he took a deep breath in, squared his shoulders, and visibly moved on from the disappointment.

By the end of class, he was fully participating and laughing. When we went home, he kept practicing the move he messed up. He was still only landing on the correct foot about fifty percent of the time.

Then yesterday morning, he popped up out of bed and wanted to show me his rolls. He thought hard about it, and nailed it. After about a half dozen correct ones, he announced he was ready to test. When we went to Aikido class yesterday afternoon, he stepped up and nailed the test.

Expectation, disappointment, then coming back to earn it – kids do these things in such quick succession that they make it look easy. It makes me wonder if as grown-ups we remember these are part of a cycle. We just have to keep rolling to get through it.

One other thing strikes me. Kids have a whole network of people cheering them on. Teachers, coaches, parents, grandparents, and often even random bystanders will jump in to tell them they’re doing great.

Which makes me wonder if adults have the same. Are we cultivating the friends, partners, colleagues, and mentors that help us continue to be resilient? Are we being those people for others? It might make all the difference.

63 thoughts on “Resilience and The Right Team”

  3. Bravo, Mr. D! He does have the support you describe, partly thanks to you, Wynne. Having evaluated or treated about 3000 people, I know not everyone has this. He is a lucky boy, on more levels than one can count. And also a stalwart one.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Goosebumps here, Mama Wynne! I’m so proud of Mr. D and continually inspired by you.
    This is going to be part of a discussion later here in Portugal: “Are we cultivating the friends, partners, colleagues, and mentors that help us continue to be resilient? Are we being those people for others? It might make all the difference.” Thank you! ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  5. So true Wynne!

    I’ve learned that encouraging others that failure isn’t permanent, and transparently sharing the failures I’ve weathered, encourages others to keep-on-keeping-on in the midst of their failure. Paradoxically, it subtly strengthens my resilience to conquer the next failure I will inevitably face.

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  6. It is always okay to brag on your kids! They are the center of our universe. You are so right that we adults need to be cheerleaders for our friends, encouraging one another. Every week in church I look for someone in the congregation to send a card to. A “thank you” or a “you did a great job” or “Praying for you” Something to encourage.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Great post. You should be very proud of Mr D, Wynne. And your questions at the end are so important. Yes, we need friends, supporters, mentors at every phase of life – and to play those roles for others.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Wow! Such a great story Wynne. Your little man is the epitome of resilience. And true enough, having cheerleaders is great, but his attitude came from within himself and that’s to be applauded. You are such a great mom for letting him find that within himself.
    As adults, yes we definitely need to cultivate those supportive relationships. Though by then we should have it fully embedded within ourselves and be able to lift up others as well.
    Yeh to Mr. D and his amazing mama. 💕

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Good job, Mr. D! He’s literally and figuratively showing us that he can learn to roll with the punches.

    Are we cultivating the friends, partners, colleagues, and mentors that help us continue to be resilient? I want to believe that I am, but even if I’m not I know I’ll continue to do my best.

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  12. That’s certainly something to brag about, and we can all learn a thing or two from Mr. D’s determination, persistence, and willingness to shake off failure and keep trying. Also, having a network of support makes such a difference, doesn’t it? It’s so much easier to keep trying when you’re got encouragement coming form all sides when our inner voice tries to persuade us otherwise. Brilliant lesson this morning! 😊

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  13. I am proud of your son, too! That is some persistence at a young age. I wanted to brag about my daughter today, but I asked her if I could write about a recent accomplishment and she said, “I”m a person not content!” Anyway, I’ll share that she is taking comedy writing and stand up classes and did two stand up acts live in San Fran this past week!

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      1. I was ready to make a post out of it, including very funny writing she did for a website when she was charge of social media for a swim manufacturing company. At least I got to share with you!

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  14. Great attitude Mr. D! I think his transformation during the class when he had not earned his yellow belt shows that he has internalized the lesson of growth mindset. Bravo for this winning mindset earning him the belt soon after. On the road to achieving what he sets his mind to.

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  15. This is wonderful- by working through this on his own, with adults behind him, he worked it out in his own way. This is what we all strive and hope for in our children. Bravo!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Wow! What a great example of resilience and success Mr. D! You leave us all with a smile and some one to emulate when we are frustrated with the progress of our developing skills. Outstanding post Wynne. Hugs, C

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  17. I’m in awe of your son’s resilience and so glad he passed is test. You also ask some thought provoking questions.. yes we need that support network but we also need to learn to let go, as your son did, and to have more self-belief. We need to.stop doubting ourselves. We can achieve so much if we don’t let ourselves interfere

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  18. Way to go, Mr D. I love that he processed his disappointment, moved on and came back stronger with a win. And you allowed him that space to do so, so congrats to you too.

    I so agree that these cheering squads, as Vicki said, can make such a difference and we should encourage this in our adult lives too!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s hard to give them the space but you’re right – we need to allow our kids that opportunity to process! And yes to cheering squads. Thank you for always being here to cheer me on, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Oh my goodness Wynne, what a proud mama I know you are. This kid does not lack confidence does he? 🥋🥋🥋 Must get that from you! 😜 Congratulations Mr. D! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m smiling, Kym! Maybe he gets a base from my encouragement – but it’s so fun to see them work hard to keep earning that confidence. Thanks, my dear for a great comment complete with little white gi’s. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Awesome! Congratulations to Mr. D for his yellow belt. The first of many. I told you his push-up form was excellent, so of course, he is going to do well. Resilient and strong.

    Liked by 3 people

  22. Your little dude’s resilience is seriously inspiring ❤️ Setbacks are just a part of life, and it’s how we respond that matters.

    Love how you’re relating this to adults too – it’s so important to have a support squad cheering us on and helping us stay resilient.

    (and don’t worry, it’s not bragging – just a proud mom moment) 😀

    Liked by 3 people

  23. If only we could have the confidence and resilience of a child… as a middle school teacher I have watched eighth graders be guarded about everything, worried what others think while sixth graders are willing to take risks and be wrong and learn…. growing takes being willing to be bold and sometimes fail, but learn and move on….

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  26. “We just have to keep rolling to get through it.” Wise and perfect advice, Wynne! 💞💞💞 Life would be so much easier if we were cheerleaders and encouragers for each other.

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  28. Wow! His resilience is awesome! But then, you have modeled that for him in so many ways! Plus you’re all a wonderful support system for his success!.

    You brought up a great point for adults, to develop a support system to help us succeed.

    Even if we don’t have a strong support system, we can still develop it within ourselves so we cheer ourselves onwards. This is if course more challenging, but it is possible to do so. It just requires practice.

    When I try something new, I don’t always say anything to my friends or family, I’d rather screw up quietly if I don’t succeed. However, if I even do it a little bit, I’ll keep trying and practicing, telling myself “what have I got to lose?” and “even an expert was once a beginner”. Keeps me going to learn more!

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