Try, Try, and Try Again

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“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

I’m sure I’m not the first parent to say that my kids are making me insane. I don’t mean that in a pull-my-hair out kind of way though. I mean it according to the phrase, “insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.”

Because it feels to me that letting my kids do the same thing over and over again, often comes with the different result.

Last week, Mr. D wanted to ride his bike home from pre-school. We couldn’t do it on Monday or Tuesday. But when Wednesday rolled around, I dropped him at school with his bike, that he proudly rolled in to park next to his teacher’s bike, so that we could ride home.

I had Miss O and her friend with me that afternoon so the three of us rode to Mr. D’s school to pick him up. It took us about 10 minutes to get there. Mr. D sagely choose to walk his bike down the hill to the bike path to begin the mile-and-a-half home. Which is a long way on a bike with training wheels, but he, as our leader, bravely started out.

And then 50 yards later stopped and said he couldn’t do it. Uh-oh. We were a long way from home. So I suggested we take a snack break. After a nice snack break in the shade, we were back on the bikes. Mr. D again set off as the leader and this time went about 100 yards before stopping and declaring he couldn’t do it. That time we stopped to look at ants.

In that fashion, we slowly made our way home with a great deal of tension between the two girls who were antsy to race ahead and Mr. D taking breaks. It took us almost an hour-and-a-half.

The next day, Thursday, when we got in the car to take Mr. D to school, he said, “I want to ride my bike home from school.”

Oh boy. I might have rolled my eyes when no one was looking. But here’s the thing – I know he can do it. He’s done it before, just not at the end of the day. So I loaded his bike in the car and dropped him at school. This time when I picked him up, Miss O wasn’t with me and I attached a third wheel seat to the back of my bike so that if he chose not to ride his own, he could sit back there.

For that attempt, he made it about halfway round the lake before he decided to try out the third wheel. I chained his bike to a tree and we rode home that way, even though he’d never wanted to try that “trail-a-bike” before. Then I had to pack up both kids into the car, drive back around the lake to pick up his bike chained to the tree. The result – another hour-and-a-half expedition to pick up Mr. D from school a mile and a half away.

So then Friday rolled around. When we got in the car to take Mr. D to school, he said, “I want to ride my bike home from school.”

This is where the insanity comes in — I said “Okay” and loaded the bike into the car. On the way home, he made it half way round, I chained the bike to the tree and he rode the rest of the way on the third wheel. But it was easier this time and I popped by the tree to pick up his bike when I went to get Thai food after my friend Eric arrived for dinner.

And each time? Well, there were moments of tension but we also had a good time, and had fun trying. My kids constantly remind me that life is insane – in the best way. That the boundaries of what I previously thought I could do are just mental barriers to blow through. That there is joy in trying the same thing over and over again – and getting a different result.

I’ve written a companion piece about kids and joy: Bundle of Whose Joy? on the Heart of the Matter blog. Please pop over there if you have a minute.

68 thoughts on “Try, Try, and Try Again”

  1. Pingback: Bundle of Whose Joy? – The Heart of the Matter

  2. At least he keeps trying! Can you make parts of it a game? I’ll race you to ‘X’, and the winner gets a prize?

    When he poops out, ask him if he can ride to the next ‘X’ and then he can quit?

    Give him a special super power rock to carry in his pocket that gives him super speed as he gets tired? (You need it to be strong for tge first half, but you can lend it to him on the second half)

    Just some ideas 🙂 Keep trying 💞💞💞

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  3. I love all of this…your patience, most of all. And the fact that you stopped both for a snack break…and an ‘ant break’…at which point the girls became ANT-sy made me chuckle and smile. Good stuff, all around. Mr. D really loves observing those ants, doesn’t he? 🤣

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  4. I am astonished by your ability to do what you do, Wynne. Working for a living, bringing up two active children, writing for your blog, managing (with Vicki) “The Heart of the Matter,” doing and editing podcasts, seeing friends, keeping house, feeding the kids, chaining and unchaining bikes to trees, etc. Amazing!

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    1. Thank you, Dr. Stein. Your comments gets to the rub of why spending 1.5 hrs on a bike ride was feeling painful. However, I’m an inveterate try-er myself so I suppose that gives me extra energy for it. 🙂

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  7. I love his determination. And yours! I’d gladly take determination over what we consider success any day. With success you win once, with determination he won all week long!

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  9. You’re such a great parent, Wynne. Many parents, I suspect, would grow frustrated and their child would never have a second (or third, ot fourth) opportunity to try something exciting, but right on the boundary of what they can and can’t do. My parents allowed me to spent a lot of time them, trying new things and gaining confidence–and I’m truly grateful for that, and I’m certain you kids will be, as well. 🥰🥰

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    1. Thank you, Erin. It’s amazing what love does to increase my tolerance for just about everything. 🙂 ❤ Love that your parents gave you that allowance as well – and clearly it worked!! ❤

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  10. I remember when my daughter was very little and would give up easily when she was tired, and then suddenly it seemed she had grown up so much and we were taking long rides together. One of our favorite rides was going to an ice-cream shack destination, which was near the river so we could sit and relax before returning home. Some yummy motivation made it all work!

    I love how you are building confidence in your kids by allowing them to keep trying until they succeed! He has to build those little leg muscles!

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      1. Mr. D is still a little guy, so building those muscles takes time! I remember my grandson was always upset that his twin sister was always a bit taller and stronger than him, but then he hit puberty and that changed. I don’t think it will take that long for Mr. D to get stronger biking muscles though!

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  11. You are fricking amazing Wynne! Really, truly a saint. And your kids will benefit profusely from your try, try, and try again attitude, because you really never know what the result will be. Ants, in your case. Loved the post, hugs, C

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    1. I’m laughing that you picked up on the ants, Cheryl. Apparently that is my destination. 🙂 Thank you for the nice compliment – coming from you, I’m extra tickled. But I’m no saint – just an inveterate try-er myself. 🙂

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  12. You’re a great mom Wynne. Never doubt that. I love your patience. It’s not insanity, it’s called listening to your child and helping them learn about themselves, helping them to understand their feelings and use their words. Here’s what I probably would’ve done. On a good day, I might have followed through to Day Two. After that, I would’ve been the mean father that says, “no, nope, you’ve got me twice, you’re not going to get me a third time.” Ugh. And look what my kids would have missed out on.

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    1. Oh, thanks, Brian. I was thinking of you on one of those days wondering if I could put them all on my back and just run them to the finish line but I couldn’t figure out where to put the bikes. 🙂 Thank you for your kind interpretation. Really, it’s about me knowing how many things I’ve persisted on that have worked out for me so I’m just grateful for all the chances I’ve had. 🙂 ❤

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    1. Thank you, Elizabeth. I’m definitely neither but I’m an inveterate try-er so I suppose that gives me extra energy for this particular challenge. 🙂 And you’re right – he’ll have it in no time.

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      2. Yes, I left the bike chained up at Greenlake. I was a little worried about it getting stolen but it’s so small perhaps no one wants it. 🙂 I’m sorry, but not surprised, you had one stolen there.

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    1. And it would be perfectly reasonable to say no after the second time. I think this particular pursuit just hit my tolerance for how many times I’ve taken to learn things. 🙂 Thank you, Susan!

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      1. I’ve been told I have incredible tenacity (with some things). That’s a good thing, and sometimes it’s not. The trick is knowing the difference (for one’s self). Lol I love your stories about your children.

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  17. Like others Wynne, I had a very different outlook when parenting my kids. It was becoming a grandma that the shift in focus changed- slowly. I so admire your commitment to growing these two humans to be curious, kind, patient and loving individuals by simply being your best self for them.

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    1. Thank you, Deb. I’m not always my best but I’m glad when I can show up. I have to say, if I was still in that crabby marriage I was in, it would have drained me, and I would have never been able to be present like I am, if that makes any sense.

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      1. It makes perfect sense and I empathize totally. The longer I stayed in mine the more I lost of myself. I’m very glad I know this Wynne 🙂

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  18. You have a lot of patience as does Mr D has perseverance. Life with kids is sheer insanity indeed but we find a way to keep going, because through those moments of insanity are moments of joy too. At least you have the sanity to reward yourself with Thai food after a long week.

    And are they back to school now?! Seems like an early start to the year.

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    1. I love that you caught the Thai food – yes, that was a great reward! I bet your bike rides with T are much more successful these days.

      No, we aren’t in school until after Sept 7 or something but Mr. D’s preschool goes year-round. When does T start back up?

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  20. That is insane. But in the best way!

    I was rather impatient with my kids about stuff like this when they were young. Good on you for having the fortitude and grace to see it through rather than come up with ways to shortchange your son’s personal growth! And in so doing, also expanding your own – no doubt!

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    1. Well, I think it’s one of the benefits for me of being an older parent. I’m quite sure that had I had my kids in my 30’s or maybe even my 40’s, I wouldn’t have been so willing to roll with it. But thank you for the nice comment. Expanding my own growth too, for sure!

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  21. Clearly you were not hiding behind the door in the Pre-Natal Gift Store when they were passing out patience. What a wonderful example of parenthood you are. I second everything that Dr. Stein said. Impressive. Wow!

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    1. The pre-natal gift store – what a hoot! I love it. Really, I haven’t historically been all that patient but I swear being a parent in my 50’s has helped a lot. I swear God saw that I was doing this in my later years and gave me a patience transplant to help me along. 🙂 Thank you for your delightful comment, as always, dear Julia!

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      1. I confess—I cannot take credit for the pre-natal gift store. That came from my creative friend, Nancy Wait, but I couldn’t help myself from adopting it. Volunteering as a single parent in your fifties would most certainly entitle you to an extra heaping helping of patience, I should think!

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  22. “…the boundaries of what I previously thought I could do are just mental barriers to blow through. That there is joy in trying the same thing over and over again – and getting a different result.” Reminder of the day…no, week…no, year! Thank you, Wynne ❤️

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  23. I know it’s difficult to part with an hour and a half out of the day just for getting home from school- but how many other parents were lucky enough (or wise enough) to spend time hanging out with their kids, experiencing life at their pace, and even appreciating ants? Sounds like parenting in general- a endlessly trying yet deeply satisfying experience! 😂

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    1. Oh Todd, there is so much to love about your comment. But “an endlessly trying yet deeply satisfying experience!” is so right on. Yep, you nailed it. Thanks, my friend! ❤

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  24. Love your parenting skills! But I am curious as to what Mr. D thinks when he can’t make it all the way home on his bike. And what is his fascination in completing this journey on his bike at this time?
    Love, Ms Curious from Texas!

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  27. I love Mr. D spirit. I know mornings are often rough and busy for most of us, but maybe switching it up, and asking him if he wants to ride his bike to school. This will give him something to talk about with his peers, and teachers who might have some tips of what to do when he is exhausted.

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    1. This is such a good idea! I saw your comment pop up in my email last night — and we tried it this morning. It was really fun – and as you said, it changed up the energy. Thanks for a great suggestion!

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