Unstructured Flow

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“To meditate means to go home to yourself. Then you know how to take care of things that are happening inside of you, and you know how to take care of the things that happen around you.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

My kids and I on vacation this week at a beautiful spot on Whidbey Island – one of my favorite places in all the world and only a couple of hours away from home. We’ve rented a place right on the beach and it is stunning. I’m typing this on a crisp summer morning sitting at the picnic table on our patio. It’s an extremely low tide so one of the local herons is fishing in a tide pool 100 yards front of me. The morning is so calm that I can see the shadow of the heron reflected on the water. The boat just beyond it is glinting in the first light.

My 84-year-old mom joined us here for a few nights, my friend Eric is coming for another few nights, and then my kids and I have had a couple nights and days on our own. Given the proximity to Seattle, we’ve had a parade of other visitors – my meditation teacher, Deirdre, came for a few hours, a gang of Eric’s long-distance cycling friends paraded through, and a different friend is coming today.

Now the heron in front of me is chasing a seagull away from its tide pool that it must consider to be its own. I could be anthropomorphizing here but it seems to have lost its focus on its own peaceful pursuit of what it was doing and now has concerned itself with what the seagull is doing instead.

Which is a lovely allegory for how vacation feels to me. Without the regular routines and structure to key off of, it seems like vacation is a constant negotiation of what we all need and want to do. The wide openness of it makes me feel I have to maintain some definition of my own in order not to be swept away in the tide of what everyone else wants, and my own desire to please.

Like the heron, I spent the first part of the week maintaining definition of what’s mine – my sacred time, my bed, my plate, my activities – and that left me feeling like I was playing defense. Then I read this paragraph from Mark Nepo during MY sacred time and it helped me to realize that the key is permeability:

“Another paradox I continually struggle with is how to let others in without becoming them. How to open the door to compassion without the things and people we feel for overpowering us.”

The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo

For me it has come down to relaxing my boundaries so that I can feel the flow. It’s not guarding my space like the heron, but instead finding the play and playfulness in being with others. Coming closer when we are exploring on the beach, and snuggled up after time in the pool, and then moving away when I need a moment just to expand my senses and take it all in.

Which brings me to the quote from the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh that I used for this post. When I meditate, I almost always find some answer or ease that helps me to navigate life. When everything else is unstructured, as it is here on vacation, or hectic, as it is in regular life, this is the practice that helps me with both. Usually by finding that I can release whatever I’ve dammed up and find that flow and faith in the Universe again and again.

Vicki Atkinson and I talk about meditation and how self-care can make us better humans on this week’s episode of the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast. Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to on Anchor Episode 28: How Self Care Can Make Us Better Humans with Vicki Atkinson

(featured photo is mine – the beautiful beach in front of me)

52 thoughts on “Unstructured Flow”

  2. The Mark Nepo quote, “…how to let others in without becoming them,” brings up a lot, like how to respond with compassion, and feeling their energy without taking on their issues or being triggered by them. I’m glad you included that and the way you’ve dealt with it by “relaxing your barriers so that you can feel the flow.” That’s so important and such a great lesson. Thanks so much for sharing. 💕

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    1. I found this to be interesting too. I love how Wynne is able to put a name to something that we feel, but don’t necessarily know how to explain it.

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    2. Thank you, Nancy. I love that quote from Mark Nepo too. It does bring up a lot and takes a lot of work (for me) to find the right path through. Thanks for your words – how to respond with compassion without taking on their issues. So well said. Thanks for weighing in!

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  3. Love your reflective self…and the beautiful photo of the heron as inspiration. Somehow I’ve missed the Mark Nepo quote you included. This part sticks with me: …”how to let others in without becoming them.” Yes…I feel that today. xo, Wynne 💕

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    1. You are right – it has become our place. I hadn’t been here much before about 8 years ago but now it feels just right. And they have a Shakespeare troupe so we’re going to see Romeo and Juliet tonight. isn’t that fun?

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      1. An outdoor performance? Shakespeare must be popular in the summers (A Mid Summer Nights Dream perhaps). Many of the botanic gardens are doing versions of various Shakespeare plays. Enjoy 🙂

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  5. Good timing of this blog Wynne! I’ve been thinking a lot about being there for others including my family without taking in or taking ownership of the stress!!! When you figure this out, let us know the keys to success!!!! 😎😎😎

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  6. For me, Wynne, it’s all about balance… balancing useful activity with relaxation, setting boundaries with being available, taking responsibility with accepting the roles of others, commitment to today’s demands with seeing the more relaxed big picture… and sometimes the paradox is that sometimes it doesn’t have to be either/or, but can be both options simultaneously.

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  7. I have been reflecting lately how I feel so very blessed to be now living a life where I don’t need to run from it or need a break from it. I definitely used to feel that way, and it has taken years to create a life I love, and to be so very appreciative of it, and not underplay what I have by always looking for something “bigger and better”. My next goal is to create a travel budget, but the reality may take longer to do.

    Love your travel pics. So glad you get these amazing opportunities with the kiddos.

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      1. Inflation has eaten up so much of my discretionary spending. Hopefully things will improve as the prices come down!

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  8. What a perfect place to go for vacation with the benefit of it being so close. I agree that during vacation you need to define your space and boundaries. That’s a lot of visitors and busy times. We have the same in Santa Barbara, good friends, business clients, friends of friends, kids staying with us. I look forward to it, but I must carve out time for myself.

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    1. I can imagine that you know exactly the vacation experience given all the summers you all rented that cottage, Elizabeth. Yes, it’s great – but time for oneself does need to figure into the equation!

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  9. A vacation spot that inspires you to become self-reflective is a gem. Time for yourself is important lest you become a top spinning out of control. I like the idea of thinking about your life as either structured or unstructured– and the balance between the two.

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  12. A “definition of my own in order not to be swept away.” Indeed. We live in a lengthening time of high tide — some of the tides overwhelming — with each of us trying to master and survive our unnatural natural world. Thanks, Wynne. You’ve identified a dilemma facing everyone, but I trust you do much better than most in making sure you and your children are safe and happy.

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    1. You are generous with your assumptions and I appreciate it, Dr. Stein. Well said – we are all trying to master and survive our unnatural natural world. Yes!

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  13. I can so relate to the early morning thinking, meditating and writing sessions. That is my gig up at the lake and I love it. There is something magical about the time of the morning, all is quiet, sacred. The words gush out of me like an underground spring. I really like this line Wynne, “I could be anthropomorphizing here but it seems to have lost its focus on its own peaceful pursuit of what it was doing and now has concerned itself with what the seagull is doing instead.” I’m so easily distracted by whatever lands in my space so I can relate to the seagull. Have you ever read Johnathan Livingston Seagull? One of my favorite books. Maybe a good one to read while staying at the beach. Your daughter might be old enough to enjoy the story with you? Hugs, C

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    1. What a great idea about Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Cheryl! I bet O would be interested and this would be a great place. I still need to try the Cheerios in butter – I think of you every time I run out of popcorn. I love your ideas!! ❤

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    2. Your comment Cheryl about Johnathan Livingston Seagull caught my eye….I remember we having to read it in 7th grade English. I remember reading it, knowing some profound concepts were embedded in that story, but for the life of me, I did not know what they were… Any chance you can give me a thumb nail sketch of the theme? I’m guessing now as an adult, I could probably figure it out… 🙂 DM

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  14. I was just telling a friend today that I haven’t had a proper vacation in over a year…and probably won’t get one until next summer, so I’ll be living vicariously through you these next few days.

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  15. What a cool meditation, while sitting in a quiet peaceful place, on vacation. I can almost feel the calm and tranquility in that quiet morning moment. I can see why you love waking up before everyone else, especially when you’re in such an idyllic setting!

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  16. “For me it has come down to relaxing my boundaries so that I can feel the flow.” Wise words for vacation…retirement…life.
    I remember Whidbey Island as an enchanted place. Your vacation sounds wonderful 💜

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    1. I love that you extended this to retirement and life too – yes, that makes so much sense! You’re right – Whidbey Island is magical. Probably a little like the Silver Coast of Portugal!! 🙂 ❤

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  17. You have a wonderful, thoughtful and balanced way of setting boundaries, Wynne. So much to learn from you.

    Your vacation sounds amazing and I hope the kids are having fun too.

    And herons are such beautiful birds!

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  18. A beautiful post, Wynne. I think there’s always something magical about early morning when everything is calm and quiet. The scene with the heron is amazing.

    The peace, tranquility, etc. got me thinking about my mother-in-law who’s moving into a nursing home tomorrow. She’ll be sharing a room with someone else – I hope, despite sharing a room, she does get to have some personal space and time. She agreed to the room because she wanted company but hope this isn’t going too far the other way. That personal space and time is so important and sometimes so difficult to find.

    You always seem to make it look/sound so easy, my friend 😁

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    1. Personal space and time – you’ve summed it up so well, Brenda. I hope your mother-in-law finds that right balance and has an easy transition to her new place. And thanks for the wonderful compliment about making it look easy. It reminds me of my dad so thanks for the smile!

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