Take Me To Your Leader

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“The best leader is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and the self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Can you picture the best leader you’ve ever worked for or witnessed? If your experience is anything like mine, I’m guessing that’s a quick question to answer because I think good leaders are fairly rare. People that can competently manage are more common and it seems, at least in the tech industry, the field in which I’ve always worked, that they are often given leadership positions because they can bridge the divide between technology and vision. Against that field, the folks that can really lead shine like stars in a dark sky.

Years ago I was part of a team putting on an event for which Jeff Raikes was the keynote speaker. At the time, Jeff was a senior VP at Microsoft and he’d later go on to be president of Microsoft and then CEO of the Bill & Melinda Gates foundation. I was a consultant responsible for the technology of the event so not directly or indirectly part of Jeff’s team but we all worked long hours getting the show polished.

Jeff had come in for a rehearsal late one afternoon and then was back the next morning for another practice. At that second practice, someone handed him his script and it didn’t include the edits from the evening before. Jeff exploded, throwing the script, screaming at the person who handed it to him, and then marching off the stage. As immature as it seemed – this was reportedly par for the course for Microsoft whose top management team was filled with people GREAT at speaking to vision but often tantrum-driven managers.

In contrast to that, I’m thinking of my friend, Dave, as the best leader I’ve ever worked for. I’m going by Brené Brown’s definition of a leader, “anyone who holds him or herself accountable for finding potential in people or processes.” Here are some of the things that made Dave stand out for me:

  • He rarely spent any time at his desk. His absences had two benefits. First, they allowed his people to solve their own problems instead of running to him. Those solutions were often better because they were engineered from the inside instead of dictated from the outside.
    Secondly, Dave wasn’t in his office because he spent the majority of his time managing up. Instead of waiting for meetings to deliver news about progress, good and bad, he used regular and informal conversations so nothing was surprising to his management.
  • Dave cared about the growth of his people. So, if someone wanted to try something outside their normal lane, he was all for it. He’d ask how he could help – and not just at the beginning but on an ongoing basis.
  • The most remarkable thing about him was that Dave wasn’t scared. When we encountered setbacks or side discoveries, Dave led from a place of courage. One of his favorite books was Rules for Revolutionaries by Guy Kawasaki. Mixing things up to see what boundaries or mindsets could be torn down seemed to be Dave’s favorite role – and he exceled at it.

As a bonus, Dave is funny and has some of the best aphorisms I’ve ever heard. People or solutions who don’t deliver were “all sizzle and no steak.” And when talking about how to find customers is “looking for someone who had pain and the checkbook in the same pocket.” Dysfunctional teams are “goat rodeos.” And I learned from Dave, goat rodeos are a real thing for young kids to practice their rodeo skills before they graduate to horses. He says, “Once you’ve seen one, they are the perfect analogy for a disastrous team or situation. The goats always win. 🙂 “

It’s been more than 20 years since I’ve worked for Dave but I still think of him fondly and often as the example what we can do when we work from courage instead of fear. And maybe that’s the mark of a true leader – they leave a lasting impression!

I was inspired to write this post after a recent encounter with someone who wasn’t demonstrating leadership skills. It pushed me to wonder – was this person doing his best? I’ve written about that on my Heart of the Matter post today: Doing the Best I Can.

(featured photo from Pexels)

52 thoughts on “Take Me To Your Leader”

  1. Pingback: Doing the Best I Can – The Heart of the Matter

  2. I was privileged enough to work with several worthy leaders (and to witness several who weren’t). Like with pretty well everything in life, the strengths of former bosses/colleagues who demonstrated effective leadership skills drew on their natural empathy, ability to listen, abilities empower others to do their jobs, ability to offer encouragement and advice, and to match the job assignments with each person’s abilities and potential. Personally, I always thought that the best training I had for being in a leadership role was having been a mother! 😏

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    1. I love your list of attributes – empathy, listening, empowerment, encouragement and ability to spot potential. And when you put it like that, yes, being a mother is great training!! Thanks, Jane!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hmm…leading from a place of courage…and compassion. That’s a winning two-fer, for sure! 😊 And just as Jane just said, a combo found in magnificent mamas everywhere! 😘

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  5. Spot on leadership post Wynne. Thanks.
    Reminds me of Henry Ford. When asked the secret of his success, Henry responded . . .
    “l always hire people smarter than myself.”
    Leadership cloaked in honest humility so sadly lacking in today’s corporate and political arenas.

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  6. I’ve met a couple very awesome leaders, in places I wasn’t expecting to find them, but they were excelling under trying situations. I continue to hold them in the highest regard even though I no longer work for them.

    Then there are the leaders we run from given the first opportunity to do so…!!

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  8. I’m still chuckling imagining the goat rodeo. 😂 I think my current boss is the best I’ve encountered–kind, trusting, allowing for autonomy, but also supportive and encouraging as needed.

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  9. I am pondering a lot of thoughts about this post Wynne, such as:

    Do, or should leadership styles be different based on industry? I have only worked in healthcare where leaders are often viewed as demi-gods in their own eyes.

    Can you teach leadership skills, like the ones Dave exemplified, or are they an innate trait?

    How do true leaders, such as Dave, overcome their own frustrations and seem to be focused solely on making the employees better and aware of their strengths before all else—although I think your HoTM post gave good insight into this one! I wish that I could have experienced even 1/2 of a Dave during my working years 😉

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    1. I love your line “I wish I could have experienced even 1/2 of a Dave.” Yes, that’s a good one. I’ve been a fly on the wall in a lot of different groups and not many are 1/2 a Dave.

      Your comment about demi-gods in their own eyes in healthcare is so interesting!

      And I love your questions. I don’t know. But I bet it takes a bit of both. People who are self-aware to work on their stuff so that they can lead? And I love Jane’s comment that a lot of what we learn as mothers is good practice to lead. That resonates too!

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      1. Yes, Jane’s comment was great and of course I believe very appropriate 😉 It’s long been clear to me that leadership is not a part of any curriculum folks in med school or any healthcare related field have exposure to. Of course some get it on their own, some want to learn leadership concepts, but so many are just asshats of the highest level.

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      2. Right – perhaps the conclusion that we can draw is that someone who thinks they are a great leader without putting in any thought or training is probably wrong… 🙂

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  10. The best leader I ever worked with was actually more of what I think would be considered an anti-leader by some. He demanded an awful lot from his department and didn’t hesitate to call you out when you made an error, but he also always had our backs when it came to interdepartmental relationships. And, those relationships were key within the organization because the departments weren’t exactly fond of one another. It does sound like he shares a couple of traits with your Dave, and it certainly sounds like you enjoyed the time you worked with Dave.

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    1. What an interesting example you’ve provided, Bruce. High expectations and high protection. I did enjoy my time working with Dave. Did you enjoy your time working for that leader? Sounds like an environment with great potential for growth.

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  11. Not everyone gets the distinction between being a leader and being a manager. I have encountered many managers, some good and some not so good, but have encountered fewer true leaders. It’s one thing to delegate tasks and evaluate performance based on how well the task was completed, which is often consistent with what is expected of managers. It is another thing altogether to inspire others, to do great things, through one’s vision, passion and behavior, which I find to be more consistent with what should be expected of a leader.

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    1. Wow, well said, onyx. Yes, I think you make the distinction between managers and leaders so well. And when you list out those list of a leader as you do, it’s no wonder they are relatively rare! Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  12. You’re so fortunate to have worked for Dave. I can’t believe how awful the Microsoft guy acted. My husband had one boss who was a great leader. He often said it’s easy to point out the problems, but he was encouraged by people who offered solutions. I worked for him in a small way, preparing his power points, internal marketing materials, etc. He always made me feel appreciated.

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  13. Excellent post Wynne! My ideal leader would be competent (they need to know that they are talking about); manage their own stress (don’t put it over their team); empathic ( show compassion and understanding for people and situations). I met only one like that, my current manager. And it’s not because I don’t remember the others.

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    1. Cristiana – I love your list – competent, calm, and empathetic. Right! I love that your one example is your current manager. That’s great!

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  14. Dave sounds like he was/is a good Leader and he led by example too, from what you’re saying, which is important. You’re right, they’re really few and far between and its easy to recognise the poor leaders. The real concern for me is when someone who’s poor thinks they’re the bees knees.

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  15. Excellent assessment of what it takes to be a leader, Wynne. One capacity I’ve also observed is to brush off criticism when it is unwarranted. That is, not to take it too personally. It comes with the territory of being the person who will necessarily be a potential target when things fail.

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  16. This brings to mind a blog post I wrote a few years back about the difference between a boss and a leader. I’ve worked for several of both in my career. The most inspiring leaders I ever worked for were those who cared about the people as much as the work. They just made me want to do more every day. Sadly, many bosses miss that point.

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  17. What a lovely post, Wynne. Your former manager and friend Dave sounds wonderful and the kind of leader was can hope to work for and we aspire to be.

    I often think about my own leadership style when leading my team. I’m blessed to have really great people on my team but I agree with your points around not just being a competent task completer but it’s important to manage upwards and to also coach and mentor staff.

    We all know and have worked with those tantrum thrower types and definitely steer clear of that kind of toxic behaviour!

    Happy Monday and hope you have a great rest of your week!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ab, I bet you are a great leader! As Jane pointed out in her comment, parenting is fantastic preparation for leadership and I bet your parenting journey has deepened your skills.

      Hope you all are doing great with the gentle and kind reentry!

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  18. Leadership is tough. Everyone thinks they know what it’s all about until they’re in the seat. It comes with enormous responsibility. And yes, I too have seen both sides of it. Great topic Wynne.
    And I can certainly see why you admire Dave.

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    1. It’s so interesting to get views from different industries. What a bummer that public education lacked leadership – it might be where we need it the most! Thanks, Todd!

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  20. I do so wish that I had experienced a leader such as Roosevelt describes. Good leaders inspire, coax the best out of the team. Support, applaud, appreciate, empower, and perhaps most importantly—flunk micromanagement. I want one. Maybe in the next lifetime. Sigh.

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  21. I like Dave’s aphorism, but I’d make one minor change. “All sizzle and no fajita” has a better ring to it. Or, similarly, “All salt and no margarita.” Maybe “All salsa and no chips.”

    I just realized I’m craving Mexican food in a bad way…

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  22. “The best leader is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and the self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” – Theodore Roosevelt. I have been blessed to be mentored by two leaders with the qualities mentioned above in the quote –
    a simply wonderful experience!

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  23. Pingback: Take Me To Your Leader – Shoreline HR Group

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