Celebrating Connection with Others

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“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” – Jimi Hendrix

It feels like Valentine’s Day is the holiday that it’s safe to hate. It’s not tied to any major religion so it doesn’t feel like it would be offensive to not like it, it’s overly commercialized and has sappy ads, and eating establishments have taken advantage of the hype to sometimes make it exclusive and expensive.

I would definitely fall in-line with those who poo-poo Valentine’s Day. I have a couple of friends whose birthday is Valentine’s Day and it made it so complicated when they were dating someone new. Do you or do you not go out to celebrate without being inundated by the assumptions and hype?

But helping my kids getting ready for it, especially my 2nd grader, has given me a new appreciation for it. At this age, it’s the only holiday for which they prepare cards for their classmates. For elementary school kids, the imagery is simple so they can easily make heartfelt cards for teachers and adults in their lives. In fact, because it’s such an uncomplicated celebration it makes it pretty accessible.

I understand that it gets more fraught as we grow up. When I was 14-years-old, I burnt the cookies I made for the first guy I “went” with and still delivered them anyway. He, on the other hand, had chocolate and roses for me, which made me feel both great and terrible.

So it seems like Valentine’s Day gets more complicated as we grow up. It becomes wrapped up with what romance is and isn’t, tied up with love languages, and whatever else makes it feel forced and unauthentic. As adults we can add our expectations, and our wonderings about how to navigate the wine and roses appropriately. We over-complicate it with our baggage and memories of how we underperformed (or at least I do).

But working with Miss O as she carefully picked a card from the pile that was what she thought each person in her class would like the best, I reconnected to Valentine’s Day as a simple holiday that celebrates our connection to each other. And well, I love that.

As the quote for this post from Jimi Hendrix says, maybe if we spent a little more time celebrating love, we could collectively move the needle on our divisiveness. I mean that generally speaking, not to add another burden on the expectations of Valentine’s Day.

Happy Valentine’s Day, all!

52 thoughts on “Celebrating Connection with Others”

  1. It is impossible to over tell the people you love that you love them. I never get tired of hearing it anyway. And even though I agree that v-day may have been invented by Hallmark, any event that gives me the excuse to say it again is welcome. You are awesome Wynne, happy Valentines and I love you!

    Also, I love it that you couldn’t throw away the burnt cookies. Waste not!

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    1. Oh, I love you too, my dear brother!! And your ever-present attitude that we can’t over say it. So grateful to be traveling through this life with you!! ❤

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  2. Happy Valentine’s Day to you, Wynne. I think those that enjoy it the most are the little ones…like Miss O…when love/life are less complicated. Love everyone! 💕💕💕

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    1. I think you are absolutely right that the little ones love it most. And it’s so endearing the care that she took preparing something just right for everyone! May we all work ourselves back to that uncomplicated state! 🙂 ❤ Love you, my friend!

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  4. What a lovely realization–it’s a simple holiday that celebrates our connection to each other. I’m not a big fan of the holiday, but I may adopt this perspective and use the day as a reminder to reach out to the people I care about and let them know they’re on my mind.

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  6. What interesting observations about Valentine’s Day. I clearly have led a sheltered life in that regard myself, completely angst-free, although I can see how fraught it must be in many instances. On the other hand, I remember Valentine’s Day as being quite capable of causing hurt in school, because some kids didn’t get as many cards as others. Or names were spelled wrong, or whatever. I think most teachers go to great length to ensure that doesn’t happen these days, but I can imagine that issues arise. I had an interesting experience with school valentines several years ago. I was visiting a young Syrian family (now proud and productive Canadians) once a week, helping with English and general acclimatization. Fortunately the young mother just happened to mention that her son, in kindergarten and the first one to be in a Canadian school, had brought home a list of the names of everyone in the class and she couldn’t understand the letter attached to it. It hit me – after all those years – it was to help with preparing each kid’s valentines! Even after I explained it the young mom looked confused. I said I’d be right back, went to Walmart and bought a box of cards “helpfully” displayed at the front entrance, went back to their apartment and we got to work. There will always be some kids left out somewhere, for lack of money or parental support maybe, and there will be hurt. My guess is that the most understanding teachers have extra cards to insert in the boxes so that the experience is positive for everyone. Those teachers aren’t around for us later in life. ❤️

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    1. Wow, Jane – what a great story! I love that you were there to help that young mom and family figure out Valentine’s Day. Yes, I think teachers do help make it inclusive, especially at this young age. And may we all remember as we get older to include as many as possible in our definition of love to spread the love! Grateful to be connected to you, Jane!

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  7. I’m a person who is [hopefully] impervious to assumptions and hype. Therefore I celebrate Valentine’s Day in my own way, which is to pretty much to ignore it as a once a year thing, instead choosing to being loving every day of the year. But for people who need one particular day to be loving, it’s a good reminder, a place to start.

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  8. Like you, Wynne, the commercialism that has grown around Valentine’s Day has lessened its impact for me. Your post has made me consider perhaps the day provides an opportunity to think about the people who are precious in our lives. Did you know there around a dozen St. Valentines and each has a different feast day and celebration around the world. Plenty of days to continue to share the love. Enjoy your day.

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  9. I agree with all the comments so far. This is really not a day that I acknowledge anymore but I like the idea of highlighting at least one day as a day of kindness and genuine friendship towards others. Of course we want to do that more often than one day, make those connections over and over, but it doesn’t hurt to pick a day and maybe do a little bit more- without the hype and commercialism for sure.

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    1. What an interesting comment – “our job to step out of our customary roles and make it so.” It seems you’ve put your finger on something we can do to help make it so! Thanks, Dr. Stein.

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  11. I’m from the generation where teachers didn’t force us to give cards to everyone, so the popular kids got a ton of cards while us shy ones or the very unpopular got only a coue from our real friends. The Charlie Brown cartoon about Valentines Day was something we lived in real life! I’m sure that’s why the teachers now do this gs differently!

    Happy Valentines Day!

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    1. Oh yes – that’s hard! I don’t think it was an all class thing when I was young either. But these days I think the teachers are doing a way better job at all things social/emotional! Happy Valentine’s Day, Tamara!

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  12. I’m all for not complicating it and looking for ways to reach out to friends and family in the simplest of ways. I think having kids and grandkids make it a special day and I love seeing it through their eyes. I’ll be bringing treats to my grandkids today as a reminder of how much I love them. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your sweet kids, Wynne!

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  13. Are you a Jimi Hendrix fan, or is this just a quote (albeit a really good one that I’m bound to use in the future). I’m not a fan, but my 17 yo son is a huge one. When he isn’t listening to Hendrix, he’s playing Hendrix on his guitar. I’m really tired of Jimi Hendrix. Valentines day has almost no meaning in my house. None of us celebrate it at all, although tonight as I popped out to buy almonds because we ran out today, my wife asked if I’d buy some candy for our son. She felt like he was getting ripped off by our ignoring the holiday. I honestly think it’s a perfect holiday for kids. At that age, everyone is celebrated equally. Wish we could hold onto that.

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    1. I agree – it is a great quote. No, I’m not a particular fan of Jimi Hendrix but these words seemed perfect for today. How funny to have a 17-year-old playing Jimi Hendrix.

      Yes, I wish we could hold on to the celebration of all that little kids have on this day too. Thanks for the comment, Jeff!

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  14. I’ve reached an age and stage in life where Valentine’s Day is a non-event. What a relief! In decades past, I remember it brought up up expectations. What might be expected of me? What am I expecting of others? Am I disappointed when my expectations are not met? Oh good grief—oh the pressure! How much nicer it is to simply sit around and love the people that I love. There is certainly a lot to be said for reaching the stage of being able to give oneself permission to sit this one out. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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    1. “How much nicer it is to simply sit around and love the people that I love.” I love that, Julia! And I love that you do an amazing job of it, I’m sure!! Sending you tons of love on this day and every other! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  16. Valentines Day is an interesting holiday and as you noted, it has gotten quite commercialized over the years.

    But I do like that kids make cards for each other and it’s so sweet to give and to receive them. If only every other holiday does that too, including the ones celebrated by other cultures.

    It definitely gets trickier as we get older too as you said. But maybe if we reframe it as friendships and not just romantic relationships, it opens up the possibilities to celebrate. And on that note, a happy belated Valentines, Wynne! 😊💕

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  17. We always had fun celebrating Valentine’s Day in elementary school. In middle school, the stakes got higher, but by high school, only those with a boyfriend/girlfriend really seemed to care. As an adult, I agree with the lyrics in my friend Leo’s recently recorded song (not available yet) called Valentine’s Day-

    Valentine’s Day
    Who gives a shit about Valentine’s Day?
    I was going to love you anyway

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  19. I think it’s become almost trendy to dis V-Day, to adopt a holier-than-thou approach to it and refer to it as a fake holiday created by greeting card companies and chocolate conglomerates in order to sell more product. Capitalism at its finest! I know for a fact I took this approach myself and I’m certain I blogged about it in those terms before.

    When I was single, of course.

    Then, when I met and married Tara, I did a complete 180 and swung too far to the opposite extreme. I love V-Day! I love love! Love is the greatest, and V-Day is the greatest, too!

    Nowadays, I’m much more grounded. Neither Tara nor I bother with V-Day. We don’t exchange cards or gifts and the last place we want to be on Feb. 14 is in an overcrowded restaurant. At one point last night, I said to Tara, “Oh – happy Valentine’s Day!” She just sort of shrugged and said, “Same to you.”

    My current stance is, while I don’t personally care about V-Day, I don’t begrudge anybody who does. I neither hate it nor love it. I just let those who do enjoy it have their fun, and ignore those who bash it. I understand they’re mostly just bitter and jaded (and more than likely uncoupled). I was there once myself, so I get it.

    Holy crap. I think I just set a personal record for longest blog comment…

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    1. Bitter, jaded and likely uncoupled – that’s a great description, Mark! I think you’re right that it is trendy to dis V-day. And I agree – it’s a day to avoid restaurants if possible (for all concerned including the overworked staff).

      I love your full-circle, let love be love philosophy on Valentine’s Day. Seems just right to me!

      239 words in your blog comment – that’s impressive… 🙂

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  20. I appreciate the sweet way that preschoolers in my classroom look forward to Valentine’s Day. They are so excited to sign cards and give them to their friends. That’s enough for me, lol – I’m not big on all the hype.

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  21. It’s one of those holidays that transforms as we age. Think elementary schools and class valentines, hoping the person we like writes a special note (never happens), high school romances with chocolate and flowers, college relationships with wine and roses, marriage with orchids and perfume, divorce, aging, then grand parenting where I find myself back in elementary school, passing out candy and hearts. Love the ones you’re with! Hugs, C

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  22. So many holidays come with enormous expectations. Christmas is also such a time. So then it’s up to us to find the balance in it and sway away from the commercial aspects. Easier said than done certainly. But we can all take a lesson from Miss O and keep it beautifully simple. Celebrating love is always a good thing. Great thought as always Wynne. 💕

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    1. Such a great point you make about expectations – and how they go beyond just Valentine’s to Christmas and beyond. Yes, let’s keep it simple!! Thank you so much for this lovely comment, Alegria!

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