The Vibe of the Group

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“If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” – Booker T. Washington

In my job as an IT consultant, I get to be the fly on the wall of other people’s businesses and watch how organizations work (or not work together). In the twenty-five years I’ve done this, it’s become a game to figure out the personality of the leader based on the vibe of the group. Or vice versa, if I meet the leader first, and then I try to guess the vibe of the group.

In a large organization like Microsoft, I might work with a group that is harsh and quick to blame and when I meet the manager, it’s no surprise that he’s a complete jerk – and willing to wear that persona on the outside.

I’ve seen it in so many ways: if the group is loud and comical, the manager is likely the life of the party character; if the group vibe is nerdy and quiet, then the manager is often brilliant and introverted.

So I was fascinated recently to work with a small company of independent, self-starters who felt to me as if they were disconnected and uninterested. They were all doing really great work but when the language switched to what the company was doing, it felt flat.

And then I met the leader — someone who was saying all the right things about being a great group of people but frequently only used “I” language. As in, “what I’m looking to accomplish, this is what I’m good at, and here’s what I need.”

Over a few months, I’ve watched how that is reflected in meetings and their work. If the leader is doing something, he wants to know how he did and will share his metrics. But if anyone else presents or finishes a project, he rarely comments or even seems to notice.

Brené Brown defines a leader as “anyone who holds him or herself accountable for finding potential in people or processes.”  I come back to that definition again and again because I’ve seen many styles of leadership – and tried it myself. Groups seem to be more successful, no matter what the persona, as long as the leader is interested in something bigger than themselves.

As Booker T. Washington says in the quote for this post, if we lift up others, it will lift us up as well. In many ways that is self-serving – but the paradox lies in the fact that if people are truly self-serving, they can’t do it authentically.

My little game keeps me entertained and less nervous when I’m meeting a group of new people. But it has also taught me, again and again, that who we are influences the people around us in ways that we might not even know. And if who we are is someone who lifts others up, it’s rippling out in a vibe to everyone around.

(featured photo from Pexels)

58 thoughts on “The Vibe of the Group”

  1. Fascinating observations! Having worked for many of those types of bosses, I’d say your observations are spot on!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. In my sales career in the personnel business, I walked through thousands of doors and learned early on that the person who greeted me would be a mirror reflection of the person who had hired him/her. In my years of feeling my way along as a fledging leader, I learned that people respond best when included, when asked for their opinion and contributions, and when they feel valued as human beings and employees. What a wonderful education I had in those years. Very sore feet, but an equally happy heart. 💕

    Liked by 5 people

    1. And I bet you walked in heels too. Yowza – makes me feet hurt just thinking of it. I love that you saw the same thing. So interesting!

      But I love your list as a leader. Whoever worked for you was incredibly lucky!! Just as I’m lucky to be able to get a little of Julia luminescence almost every day!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Truer words were never spoken. And it’s not just about a leader “finding” that potential, it’s about encouraging the person and empowering him or her to fulfill their potential. Many people who find themselves in leadership roles don’t understand the difference between managing and leading. Some people come to these roles following in the footsteps of people who have set very poor examples to follow and they don’t understand just how empowering their role can be … for all concerned; they’ve only experienced the power-and-control version of “leadership”. So sad, it could be so different.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh, I love the differentiation you’ve pointed out between managing and leading. You are right – managers are often given very poor examples, little training, and no idea where to start. A growth area for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Love the insight…and I’m with you, Wynne. It is kinda game-y — using our powers of observation and intuition to ‘tune in’. I think Covid provided interesting opportunities to read people’s facial expressions so much so that and a former colleague and I often talked about certain people and a need for them to ‘turn down the volume on their faces’. Often reflecting fragile egos, overly self-involved and half-listening leaders who clearly didn’t support their teams very well. Sad to bear witness to…and turnover in those groups was rapid. 😏

    Liked by 2 people

    2. What an interesting insight, Vicki! And your comment – turn down the volumes on their faces – that’s hilarious and fascinating at the same time. Add the fear and isolation that Covid brought and what a volatile mix!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Makes sense. But I think it’s also interesting when workplace culture wants to promote one thing, but then encourages another. As a people manager, I like to encourage my team to do more, and I give them credit publicly for the work they do. But when it comes time for my review, how much of the team’s performance do I get to claim for my own? And if I can’t take credit, what do I write on my review?

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    1. Difficult question. I guess it’s a symbiotic relationship. I would imagine you will also worry about coming across as egotistical if you appear to be claiming the credit. But a good leader should encourage and enable their team, so you’re creating the environment for them to flourish – wouldn’t happen if you didn’t do that. You’re right, the (team) leader can make a big difference

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I agree with you. But when it comes time to write my review, does “created the environment for my team to flourish” sound impressive enough? For sure a leader makes a huge difference in how the team performs, but I struggle with how to write it appropriately

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Give examples and try to be as specific as possible. What did you do to create that environment? How did you enable your team members? Your initial objectives should have been measurable, so your evidence for your appraisal should also reflect measurables.

        Also, if you were coaching a team member or advising another colleague to prepare, what advice would you give them? I think sometimes we can be too harsh on ourselves

        I hope that helps?

        Liked by 1 person

    2. What a great comment, JYP. Yes – when the workplace promotes one thing and encourages another. And then you are in the middle because of course the people you report to are setting the tone for you!

      As much as I observe this, I’m no expert at navigating your tough situation. But I would think that at the very least, you’ve created a better environment for you to work in and in specifics, perhaps lower turnover, team ability to respond to critical situations, and individuals willing to step up to the plate might be the type of things that could go on a review?

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Observation is such a great tool isn’t it, and I think it’s often much easier being the person on the outside looking into the dynamic that’s present. I loved to do my own sociology research in my workplaces and listening was a key tool. I saw so many who were not on team lift and barely getting by themselves.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes – I love observation! And you’re right – so much easier being on the outside looking in than trying to fix it. A broken team or culture can be intractible.

      How are you feeling?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Better Wynne, thanks, but the flow of mucus seems to be non-stop still. I just appreciate that I can actually breathe through my nose now. I’m sure I’ll be just fine in time for one of those lovely girls to send something else my way 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Do you think you can influence the vibe in the time you’re with the group? I definitely think the vibe of a group can change the quality of work. The funny thing is that different people thrive within different vibes, so I think a good leader has to also learn the fine art of leaning in or leaning out depending on who they are working with. Interesting topic – thanks for excellent food for thought :)..

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What a great question! How is it possible for an “outsider” to influence the group dynamics? Is it possible for an outsider to create a lasting change?

      I love the insightful “game” you play, Wynne, and the very astute observations you’ve made. They ring true to me, and remind me of a list I once saw posted on a cubicle wall: the difference between a “manager” and a “leader.” And how often we find managers, and how seldom we find “leaders”… Sort of like this demotivator?
      https://despair.com/products/leaders

      Liked by 3 people

      1. That is a hilarious link, EW! And yes, how often we find managers and not leaders. So true.

        It is a great question. I don’t think I can affect much change as an outsider. But to be fair, I’ve never really tried. It’s not my skill set nor am I there long enough. But I do try to listen as much as I can to people as I travel through.

        Love your questions and comments – as always!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Culture eats strategy for breakfast – I love it. I agree that changing culture is tough but fundamental! Can you change culture without changing the leader? Or does that really amount the leader to change so significantly that it is unrealistic for human nature?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I think you hit the nail on the head with the observation about the culture being dependent on the leader.

        Good brainstorming facilitators never let the manager/person in charge speak first, because then, surprisingly (?) the rest of the team thought exactly the same…

        Regardless of what the leadership says in the pretty motivational posters, it’s what they do, I, too, believe, that sets the culture of the organization. Remember that Jack Walsh story about IBM? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Love the point about not letting leaders speak first. Brilliant! And the Jack Welch story about IBM – no, I don’t know it. I tried googling it but just found out how Jack purportedly broke capitalism… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      6. It’s a wee bit on the long side (meaning I’m not sure how to summarize it, my bad), so how about this: I’ll blog about it and point you there? It’s a great story, imo, about how leadership DOES matter!

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Such a good question. I’m not sure how much I can influence. Sometimes I just want to get in and out if it’s too toxic.

      I love your point about leaning in/out. Right – knowing the balance is important for leaders. Thanks for weighing in!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Being able to walk away from toxic environments and toxic managers is a good position to be in. Unfortunately people get so embedded in the cultures they contribute to making, they can’t see it. It takes an outsider to highlight it sometimes.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I saw an old quote by Arthur Newcomb that touched on this phenomenon. “Show me the leader and I will know his men. Show me the men and I will know their leader.” The quote needs brought into the 21st Century by representing women in the workplace, but still generally holds true. Over the years, I’ve become a big fan of Servant Leadership because I’ve seen how it helps leaders lift up others and achieve the mission of their organization. Great things happen when you know your leader cares about you. Great piece Wynne. I bet as a consultant you see all kinds of things. Possibly another book idea for you!!!

    Liked by 4 people

      1. I’ve never read Sun Tzu outside of catching up on the cliff notes version of the art of war. I’ve picked up my thoughts on servant leadership from a few books and seeing it done in practice by a couple managers who did a great job of breaking down their team members obstacles. They did a great job caring about their teams. Seeing that I was much more willing to run through brick walls for them!

        Like

    2. Ah, that’s a great quote that describes it perfectly. I love your model of Servant Leadership. I bet you do a great job at that, Brian.

      As to a book – yikes! I don’t do any projects for Microsoft these days but I did a lot when they were growing like crazy. Some days all the young people did was sit around and watch the stock ticker. Then they became “millionaires” (at least book value) and whenever things got tough, they’d say they were going to “retire” (at like age 35). It wasn’t necessarily bringing out the best in everyone, to say the least.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I think apeacefultree asked an interesting question above. Can you influence the vibe of a group in the time you’re a part of it? Based on my experience, yes. When I joined CenturyCo, they were all really nice but kind of reserved. After two years dealing with my wacky sense of humor and occasional shenanigans, they were much looser and fun-loving. I always considered that a win!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s a great win, Mark! I’d consider it that as well.

      I don’t think I have that kind of influence – I’m not usually there that long. Plus, I’m not as good at shenanigans as you are. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Very thoughtful post, Wynne. I agree that what sets a good leader from an exceptional leader is how they lift up, recognize and celebrate those below and around them. When the recognition and credit are shared with a group, that’s when the magic for a team really happens. And these leaders are often very unique and special!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Love this post. Since I am self employed, it is little old me, that gets to set the atmosphere of our jobsite, and I am very intentional about what that looks like. When I’ve interviewed people in the past to hire, the #1 quality I am looking for is attitude. I can care less if you have any previous construction experience, I can teach that. If I’m going to spend 8 hours a day with you, then the last thing I want is negative nelly. Several years ago, I was looking for 1 new employee, interviewed a half a dozen people, including 2 women. I was so struck by the positive attitude of one young lady, I hired her, and another young man. It was a fun year with the two of them in the mix.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, Doug, what a great perspective from a leader. I love how you delineate between what can and cannot be easily be taught. I bet it’s a lot of fun (and hard work) being on your team!

      Liked by 1 person

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  17. Great post, Wynne! As a freelance musician, I can relate to what you’re saying. Each group has its own vibe, good or bad, and it all comes from the leader.. It’s very interesting to see how things work from group to group and how it all falls back on the leader, one way or another.

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  18. “… who we are influences the people around us in ways that we might not even know.”

    That’s the essence of what I’ve learned about writing a personal blog. It’s trippy what people will take away from what I share, not always what I think is the point of my post, but so be it. We’re all just walking each other home, as Ram Dass said.

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