Do You Think I’m Stupid?

Posted in friendshipTagged , , ,

“A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us be what we should.” – unknown

My best friend in college and I used to debate whether or not it meant that someone thought we were stupid if they lied to us. In those days of black and white, I definitely thought it to be a sign they thought I was stupid. Of course, the thing I feared most was being thought of as a dumb blonde so I probably was inclined to the position.

Now in these days of seeing the shades of gray in everything (and not just my hair) 🙂 I tend not to take umbrage if someone isn’t truthful. It’s the topic of my Wise & Shine post this week: Telling the Truth

(featured photo from Pexels)

18 thoughts on “Do You Think I’m Stupid?”

  2. This is a rich topic. It relates to what Aristotle wrote about friendship. He thought the highest of three forms of friendship was also the rarest. It involved a relationship between two people of equal merit, both of whom want the good of the other. He also noted that if one was such a friend and recognized a decline in his friend’s moral state, there would be times when it was proper to attempt to set the friend straight. I am abbreviating Aristotle’s ethical viewpoint, of course. Very much worth reading. Thanks for prompting me to think back to Aristotle (who, by the way, I never met)!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. “I don’t mind that my friend doesn’t always tell me the truth. But I anxiously await the day when they feel safe enough to start” . . . and that day comes when a person make the courageous decision to be totally transparent, and trusts another, realizing a true friend . . . just like our Best Friend . . . loves and accepts us just as we are, not as the charlatan ‘good person’ we strive to project and shield ourselves from others rejection.

    I’ve been blessed with a handful of such precious friends in life. Their unequivocal ‘Just As I Am’ acceptance of me in my transparent brokenness, and theirs by me, has provided healing found nowhere else. Souls healed in honest, humble, ‘dangerous’ transparency. Ask someone who attends Celebrate Recovery or AA meetings. Sadly the cathartic ‘bare brokenness’ shared there is seldom experienced in more ‘proper’ religious’ gatherings.

    You’re not ‘stupid’ Wynne. You’re compassionate soul for others testifies to that. Be Blessed!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thanks, Fred. I’ve heard the comment you made about AA meetings being more authentic than religious gatherings echo’d in other places. I know I’ve read it in Buechner’s writing. Yes, that’s hard to institutionalize for sure but thank goodness for the few and the Creator that see us as we are so we have that freedom. Lovely comment – thank you!

      Like

  6. This is a tough one for sure. Because I value the close friendships that I have and how direct and truthful we can be with each other. I think there’s a difference between lying to someone and withholding information/truth. It’s a delicate balance for sure.

    I know I’d be upset if a friend lied to me and I would be upset if I had to lie to a friend too. But I understand that life is not black and white and that the shades of gray are important too.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’ve really made me think with this great comment, Ab. Your description of the close friendships is so good and your phrase “I would be upset if I had to lie to a friend too” inspires me to think carefully about my inner circle. Thank you, as always, for such a thoughtful and thought-provoking comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I tend to agree with your younger self, Wynne, and definitely when lying is done to try and manipulate. But as your W&S post points out, lying is likely the result of issues inside the other person. Ie: the sharp-tongued parent you mentioned. In any case, the bigger point, which I love, is creating relationships where it’s safe to be honest. 🤍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, Kendra, I love how you distill things and then I get to see them anew from within your words. Right – creating relationships where it’s safe to be honest. Which isn’t always easy to do and isn’t for every relationship. Thank you for this gift of a comment, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I left a comment on the other website but I don’t see it. I won’t repeat myself but say that some liars do so because they think you don’t deserve to know the truth. It’s not they think you’re stupid, it’s that they think you’re not worthy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What an astute comment (both of them), Ally. It’s a big wall to climb when others put it up and since I know I’ve done it at times too, one that takes some work to pull down. It always reminds me to do my work… 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Such a provocative topic. I think we lie for a variety of reasons, one of the most common reasons would be to avoid hurting someones feelings. I have a wise friend who once told me that the truth can be presented with love and by that she meant you don’t have to stab someone with your honesty, you can also caress someone with the truth. How we frame our words matters. It takes a little more thought to speak kindly and honestly but it can be done. And most people seem to accept the truth if they know it’s coming from someone who loves them. Hugs, C

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Caress someone with the truth – wow, what a wonderful phrase! I think you point to such a wonderful reality that it’s a healthy relationship that allows us to speak our truth – and hopefully without stabbing anyone with that honesty. I love those phrases – thank you for reading and sharing them!

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.