Unlearning My Way Back

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“A child can teach an adult three things: To be happy for no reason, To always be busy with something, and To know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.” – Paulo Coehlo

My sister-in-law recounted a conversation she had this week with my daughter, 7-year-old Miss O while holding hands and walking through an outdoor shopping center near our house.

Miss O said, “I love this place. Fun stores, good food, no BS”

My sister-in-law paused for a beat, wondering if she should ask, hoping Miss O didn’t know what it meant, and then asked, “Do you know what BS is?”

Miss O replied brightly, “Of course! Bad Service!”

After I stopped laughing, I wondered why it is that we think it’s bad for 7-year-olds to know swear words. Other than the fact that their executive brain function isn’t fully developed and they might deploy them inappropriately, indiscriminately or both. I landed on the fact that it feels like a loss of innocence.

I heard an interview once with singer and songwriter Billy Bragg where he posited that the opposite of faith isn’t doubt – but cynicism. If I think of Miss O using bad language, it feels cynical as if some beliefs of childhood would have had to have suffer in the process.

At their age, Miss O and Mr D believe that:

They are loved beyond measure and worthy of love

If you pray, those prayers will be answered

There is magic in the air so that sometimes fortunes found in fortune cookies will reveal the next fun thing

Potential new friends are everywhere

If you cry and show your vulnerability, you will be taken care of

Looking through this list I’ve typed, I think that I need to unlearn my way back to those beliefs. Because my cynical self might have been feeding me a lot of BS instead – and by that I mean bad service, of course. 😉

40 thoughts on “Unlearning My Way Back”

  2. I like the concept of unlearning you described, Wynne. We lose so much of that childhood innocence as we age. Billy Bragg was correct in his description. A lovely post to take us into the weekend. Thank you, Wynne.

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  4. Please do report back on your new mission and how the world receives it. Now that I think of it, there is a famous and profound Russian novel called “The Idiot,” that addresses this (no joke.)

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    1. So true, Brian! Instead of teaching swear words I can instead learn innocence. That definitely seems like the right way to go! Thanks for the lovely comment, Brian! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  6. I must admit…I thoroughly…SO VERY thoroughly…enjoyed the exchange between Miss O and your sister-in-law. Not just because it was sweet and funny…and typical of the snippets you share from Miss O which demonstrate how ***aware*** she is. Nope – the thing that struck me was your sister-in-law’s grace as she “paused for a beat” to ASK Miss O what she meant. Too often, I think, we smarty-pants-wannabe-big-thinker-adults assume we know precisely what our little ones mean. This is a fab example of how clueless we can be if we don’t inquire. Turned out Miss O’s intention wasn’t swearing at all…just her own creative interp of what she’s heard adults say, I suspect? Hmm…what might “BS” mean…oh yeah, given the context, bad service! I think she’s brilliant…and savvy…and still innocent without a shred of cynicism. As you said…for now. I’m with you, a little more of Miss O and a little less harried adult might be something to strive for. Thanks for an awesome post, Wynne…and hugs to Miss O and Mr D! 😘😉😘

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    1. What an insightful comment, Vicki! Yes, my sister-in-law was great in that exchange to pause and ask. They have a delightful relationship and it shines through! But you are right, too often adults assume we know and its the young ones with all the wisdom!! Hugs to you!! XOXO

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  7. Oh my, I love this, Wynne! Besides the delightfulness of Miss O, it makes me realize I need to unlearn some “bad service” things too. 😃 Thank you for sharing this! 🤍

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  9. I’m gonna start using BS in Miss O’s context now in a conversation. 😆

    I hope your Thanksgiving long weekend together has been anything but though. Happy Friday and have a great weekend!

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    1. I, too, love the use of BS from Miss O! It’s better in several different ways, including that it’s descriptive of what’s happened, as opposed to the “traditional” one that, well, is not 🙂

      I agree that many (most?) of us lose some of the wonder of childhood as we wander into adulthood, and maybe that’s why I like the Shaw “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing” so much?

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      1. EW, that’s a perfect quote – how do you do it? Yes, I think it is most (or all) of us. We could all use more playing, that’s for sure so I’m grateful you chimed in and played with me today!! 🙂

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  10. How do you come up with such wonderful posts, Wynne?
    Love Miss O, her innocence and her wisdom.
    I am laughing and sharing this post with my adult daughter as I write.
    I love your concluding sentence, ” My cynical self might have been feeding me a lot of BS instead – and by that I mean bad service, of course. ” Hilarious!
    Have a great weekend with Miss O and Mr. D.

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    1. Oh Chaya, how do you always come up with such wonderful comments? I’m so glad you are laughing. Me too – this growing up thing comes with a lot of ridiculousness, right?

      As for the posts, I get a lot of great inspiration from my two little meaning makers. 🙂 Hope you are enjoying your Thanksgiving holidays with your dear family, Chaya! Sending lots of love!

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  11. Super cute and great reflection. Spot on about things kids know and believe. I wonder who taught her the bs definition. Was it an adult who was questioned and had to think quickly? 😝

    Opposite of faith isn’t doubt but cynicism. I like that. Sounds accurate.

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    1. That’s a good question about who taught her that definition, Betsy. I’ve never heard her say it before so I’m in the dark on that one. But if it was an adult – that’s a pretty good fast thinker!

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  13. My parents never made a big deal out of swear words. In fact, I can recall actually saying the non-“bad service” version of BS when I was about her age. To this day, I use swear words only modestly. I think taking away the stigma really took away any rebellious reasons to use them.

    Too bad Tara’s mom wasn’t as permissive. That girl swears like a sailor…and that’s no BS!

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    1. Oh, that’s an interesting perspective. I think there’s a lot to be said for not making things a big deal. But perhaps you don’t swear because you also have a knack for making regular words so expressive – like effective immediately’d?! 🙂

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  14. Enjoyed this post, Wynne. Kids do have a way of bringing magic back into our lives 🙂 Just yesterday, the face of my 82-year-old neighbor, who lives alone, lit up when he shared his joy on spending time with his two-year-old grandson. By the way, BS could also be Best Service, though BSE–Best Service Ever–would work better in this context.

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  15. I love this so much. I’m slow, I didn’t quite get it the first time around with my kids, but I’m learning these lessons for the second time through my grandkids. Kids seem to know instinctually that their needs will be taken care of as long as they let you know. How simple. Hugs, C

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