The Journey Is The Destination

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“Tell me and I will forget, teach me and I will remember, involve me and I will learn.” – Benjamin Franklin

I took the kids out hiking last weekend. Before I had kids, I used to hike every Saturday morning starting in the years one of my friends was preparing to climb Everest (the trick of hiking with someone in that good of shape – make her talk all the way up and you talk all the way down). So hiking with my kids feels like going back to my roots.

But instead of hiking up Tiger Mountain as I would if it was just me, I choose a flat trail to Tradition Lake that the sign says is 1.5 miles away. As we head out with high energy, I had great hopes that we’d actually GET to the lake this time. Because we’ve tried this before and about a half mile in, after we’ve looked at countless sticks, rocks, bugs and slugs, Mr. D gets tired of “hiking.” I put him on my shoulders and carry him back to the parking lot.

I consider not making the goal to be good practice for me. I love finishing and as I wrote in the messy middle post, I find myself often rushing to the end. To enjoy the process of getting there, and to enjoy all the slugs along the way, is a way of slowing down my adult brain that is so intent on goals. It’s another opportunity to immerse myself in my kids lantern awareness, to use the term from researcher Dr. Alison Gopnik.

Of course I could carry Mr. D farther and get to the lake even if my knees, hips and shoulders might disagree. I think Miss O could do the trail all the way no problem. But I think developing the endurance to get there himself is something that is worth leaving it to Mr. D to do.

What I’m learning about accomplishments is not only to be flexible about what the end-point is but also to value the progression along the way. “Hiking” with my kids is like a walking meditation for me, another chance to learn that sometimes the goal isn’t what the sign says. It’s a practice of learning when to say we’ve gone far enough instead of pushing through. It’s honoring the deep knowing that comes with celebrating the beauty of the journey.

And sure enough, at about half mile in, we reached the end of Mr. D’s desire to hike. My reward for being willing to turn around was that we laughed the whole way back.

How do you feel about not reaching the end-point on the sign? Do/did you hike with your kids?

46 thoughts on “The Journey Is The Destination”

  1. Morning, Wynne! Love the post and the pics…and the wisdom. Yessss….learning to ignore the pre-determined signs…to find your own way. And the bonus of laughing all the way home – “completing” a different journey? Loving that, too! ❤

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  2. I’m a doer, so too much of my life has been spent fixating on “the end goal” and “completion”. I’ve learned to let go of that idea. In the extreme it can be quite self-destructive. It’s also limiting to growth. You have a certain idea of what a hike is from past adult experience. Your children are showing you a completely different experience beneath the label of “hike”. And as you walk together, and if they learn to love walking as much as you do, you will continue on together and they will start to understand yours, too. The expansiveness of that joint defining and redefining is wonderful. Yes, if I were near my grown daughter right now, most assuredly we would go on a hike. I took her to nature areas regularly when she was little, just as you are doing now. It’s something we both love to do. *envious* And, thank you.

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    1. Susan – I love your sentence, “The expansiveness of that joint defining and redefining is wonderful.” That is such a great point that we are creating our shared definitions together.

      I love that your daughter came to love hiking too. That is heart-warming. Thank you, Susan!

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  4. Learning to know that we have gone far enough and appreciating what we encounter while doing that so often gets lost in an overarching need to reach a specific goal. At 63 I am still trying to learn how to do that!

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  5. I think flexible is a wonderful condition especially for adults. Playing checkers can turn into pseudo crokinole but laugh it off. Teaching tennis turned into ping pong on a larger scale but all those moments were well spent and cherished. Enjoying the time together and looking forward to the small moments with smiles.

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  6. I got so caught up in the adorable photo that I lost all desire to think about the end point—except to wonder if my AP trail hiking granddaughter might be able to get your post if I forwarded it. I’m pretty certain that she’d have some thoughts about end points!

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  7. I learned flexibility with my daughter and grandkids. I value one of those foldable wagons, where camp chairs and a cooler can be hauled, which can also accommodate a tired lad! You may be able to have your cake and eat it too! Endurance needs to be built up!

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      1. Kids are funny, if they think they HAVE to do something, then suddenly they feel they can’t do it, but if he has the option of getting on when he’s tired, and off again when he “catches his wind, he may surprise you both with walking for a longer time! Plus, you save your back and knees!

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  8. “… honoring the deep knowing that comes with celebrating the beauty of the journey.” Wise advise this octogenarian is learning to embrace as my climbs into the mountains become shorter and reduced in altitude 😊 Thanks for the comforting reminder Wynne.

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  10. Trying to learn to enjoy the journey more, and this was a great reminder! 🤍

    Also, this part made me laugh out loud:

    “the trick of hiking with someone in that good of shape – make her talk all the way up and you talk all the way down.”

    That’s brilliant! 😆

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  11. Aww! What an adorable photo!
    I like your conclusion…”What I’m learning about accomplishments is to value the progression along the way.”
    True. There is no doubt that reaching our destination is immensely gratifying. But, on our journey to the destination in the company of our loved ones; chatting, enjoying, and laughing can be equally rewarding.
    Here is to many more hikes with your little ones.

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  12. Great story 🙂 I love the process of becoming or getting to a goal but I’m also impatient (which works against me) and also can tend to push on when I might be better off just accepting where I am.

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  13. Provocative essay, Wynne. Thank you. My take on destinations is that sometimes you get more than one chance, sometimes not. One must be honest with oneself when you put an important one aside because you are afraid, not recognizing that readiness comes, in part, from taking it on. Nor should one put many things on a bucket list. The person ahead who claims your name may not enjoy the same experiences in a few decades.

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    1. Whoa – this is some great wisdom, Dr. Stein. I take from it that knowing when to push through fear is crucial. I love the way you put it “that readiness comes, in part, from taking it on.” And the bucket list makes so much sense – we put them on the list because it’s our present self that is interested in the idea. Sage advice – thank you!

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  14. You three look gorgeous! About not finishing, I think that as long as you don’t procrastinate, and you don’t want to avoid reaching the end point, you can follow Lao Tzu quote – The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

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  15. What a lovely photo of you three. Your philosophy and approach is so wise. Let Mr D build the endurance to get there. And he will one day and he will be filled with so much pride for getting there on his own. Enjoy the journey and not the destination as you said!

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  21. It’s great that you and your kids spend time together exploring Nature’s beauty and wonders. It’s fitting that you allow your son, still not yet physically ready for a long hike, to set the pace. We don’t always make it to our planned destination, but, as you and your children have discovered, it’s the journey that counts. Judging from the beautiful photos, you all had lots of fun. What could be better?

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