The Big Questions

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“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue.” – Rainier Maria Rilke

I have a friend who is going through a hard break-up. Sitting with my friend as they process makes me think of all the questions I’ve wanted to know when going through hard times: When will I feel better?How will I survive this? What meaning is going to come from this? What is my purpose here?

Wanting the answer to big questions is the topic of my post for Pointless Overthinking this week: Waiting for the Big Answers.

(featured photo from Pexels)

21 thoughts on “The Big Questions”

  2. Hi, Wynne – I posted a reply on the ‘pointless overthinking’ site but it won’t recognize me – I pop as anonymous…which, given other technical difficulties today, might be a cosmic message. Dropping the reply here instead:

    Another powerful post. 😊 I love the “stomping and clapping” notion to stay in the moment. I love your questions – “How do you experience the tension of expectation and anticipation? Do you have a practice that helps you settle into the wait?” I’ve learned I need to get primal and remind myself to BREATHE. I have a nasty habit of shallow breathing in the anticipatory gaps between tension and relief. A couple of deep belly breaths do the trick and I manage to stay in my body. But — I like the stomping and clapping idea. Hmmm…maybe I’ll breathe first and then make some noise. 😊

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    1. Thanks for doing your reply both places. Argh! Something is definitely going on.

      Yes – BREATHE – such a fabulous point. Add the stomping and clapping to dissipate the energy and maybe we have a foolproof formula!! Love this, Vicki!

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  3. Weird, I was also anonymous over there even though it showed me logged in and my name initially when I submitted.

    First, I’m so sorry your friend is currently going through a hard breakup.

    Something I practice which sometimes helps and sometimes doesn’t is reflecting on all the past times I had “big questions” and was waiting on answers. Many don’t feel big anymore. Most are actually forgettable. Like when I was questioning if I should change majors as an undergrad (can you believe I was initially an engineer major?), it felt like the end of the world. Was I making the right choice? Obviously I was since I now have a PhD in bio, teach the subject, and am perpetually excited about bio. Or that past breakup that was so gut wrenching but now I almost forget I even dated them. Sorry, not sorry! It doesn’t necessarily make the current pain and struggle go away but it is a nice reminder that what I’m feeling is not new and something I have overcome before. Which means I can do it again with time.

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    1. Something weird is going on with WP! I wonder if it’s related to sites on different plans.

      I love how you bring perspective to the big questions. That rings true to me – things I worried about that I see in hindsight I needed haven’t bothered with the energy! And thanks for the sympathy for my friend. It’s so hard!

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  4. It’s not always easy to stay in the moment and enjoy it for what it brings. I’ve always called myself an overthinker- I want the answer to everything, and I ask a whole lot of questions! I’ve long thought that the need for answers is/may be a need to feel control in one’s life, which then (at least for me) just elicits more questions… I seem to be on a loop!

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    1. Wow, Deb – I love how you’ve connected the dots for me about questions/control/thinking. That makes so much sense. The loop you describe rings true with my analytical brain trying to forecast what’s ahead.

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  5. What a beautiful reflection, Wynne – and how eerie and haunting that you were at NYC so close to the horrors of 9/11.

    The tennis match, your reflections and your daughter’s questions are a great reminder to sometimes not worry so much about the outcome – and enjoy and trust in the process and the journey.

    I needed to hear this today as a parent of a kid whose outcome I often think about. Trust more in the universe and God – or whatever greater force one believes in.

    Thanks Wynne!

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    1. As always, Ab, you have a way of expanding my thinking on a topic. Trust more in the Universe and God – for sure, and not worry so much. Exactly! I’m glad this was timely for you!

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  6. I’m soooo happy to have found this blog! First, I love and play tennis also and my dad has been taking my twin sis and i to the US Open every year for the last 30 years, and I love it every single year! Also, your quote: “I want to know how the story ends. Except that I don’t want it to be the end. In the worst moments when I get too attached to how I want it to work out, it makes me anxious and keeps me up at night as my brain tries to cycle through the permutations of how to control things” Really hit me. I was in all of that yesterday regarding my love life and I actually really did find peace when I went for a walk and started getting present. I was pretty calm for the rest of the night, albeit mildly miserable. Because getting present doesn’t get me answers, it just gets me calm. And I think the next part is me learning to accept that I don’t really love that I don’t know what will happen, but I can learn to love that. Still in progress but thank you for this touch base!

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    1. That is so awesome that you go to the US Open every year. How cool is that!! And with your dad, I love it.

      I have to say that “love” big questions are the absolute worse for me. When one of those has me hooked, I have a hard time staying present.

      Although someone here suggested that big questions relating to family members (which I think might imply children) are also very powerful and I can see how those might keep me twisting as my kids get older.

      But either way, I love that distinction you make between getting calm and still mildly miserable. That resonates with me – better than worked up and miserable, I suppose!

      I’m so grateful we connected, Libby! I tried to comment on your latest blog post which I loved but WP gave me that “fill in all fields” error so I contacted the Happiness Engineers about it. Apparently it is system wide. So I look forward to many great discussions with you here AND there when they fix it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Wynne, I was thinking the same thing, I’m so glad we connected and it seems like we have much more to share with each other, I look forward to it! I think you follow Kathy’s navigating the change blog is that right? And you found me through a guest post I did for her? I love how those things happen organically! And thanks for trying to comment, damn I hope they fix that soon! Also everything you just said resonates with me also of course 💖🌺

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  7. Big answers evade me, like frisky wiggly little kittens that refuse to be captured. Small answers, though, come my way like a hungry old cat who will be fed now, thank you very much. 😺

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  8. Thank you for such a marvelous post, posing such a great question(s). It feels like Big Questions should have Big Answers. There were questions I used to ask my mom that she would respond with “it’s good for you not to know everything.” When I asked why, she’d ask me what would be left if I knew everything? Since then I’ve read books like Frankl’s Man Search For Meaning. It’s a spectacular book, but I still don’t feel I can answer these great questions you posed.

    Perhaps, like your other post indicated, the answer to these questions is in the journey to find the answers?

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    1. Wow, more great Mom wisdom. It is good for you not to know everything. What a great answer — as in not an answer but a response. 🙂 I’m so glad you mentioned Man’s Search for Meaning here – you’ve inspired me to add that to my reading list, EW!

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  9. ” In the worst moments when I get too attached to how I want it to work out, it makes me anxious and keeps me up at night as my brain tries to cycle through the permutations of how to control things.” Oh boy…this is my daily life. I’m working on developing “the patience to let my mud settle and my water to run clear,” in the words of my online guided meditation teacher. Baby steps…

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    1. I love that image from your meditation teacher, Natalie! And then when I do, I move towards something (or someone), muddy up the waters and have to start all over. Argh!! So here’s to the patience!!

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