The Choices We Have

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“Life is the sum of all your choices.” – Camus

I was talking with my friend, Betsy of the ParentingisFunny blog (possibly going to be renamed the Chex and Balances blog) but a delightful and fun blog about life, Jui Jitsu and the Universe at any name. We were discussing the idea of choices that behavioral economist Dan Ariely discusses in his book Predictably Irrational. He gives so many great examples of how our brain works to make choices based on the options presented. Like if we are looking to be a house and are comparing two ranch style homes, one that needs work and another that doesn’t, and a colonial, our brain will make the choice based on the price/work of the two ranch homes because they are similar. And even if it isn’t a totally rational choice if you really figured in the third option (the colonial), it’s repeatable because of way the brains anchors the choice by comparison.

Betsy said something lovely about admiring my ability to read and listen to interesting stuff. I replied that being single gives me more free time in which I fill with listening to content. And maybe it even fulfills a need for this intellectual stimulation since I’m not getting that from a partner at this point in life.

Which isn’t to say that I’m recommending being single, it just is a little amazing how much time being in a partnership can take. Choosing to do fun stuff, watch tv or even make dinner together – wonderful things to enjoy in a relationship but it fills time in a way that is hopefully fulfilling but might not leave time for reading behavioral economists. Or it could be deemed rude to put a podcast in at night when folding laundry or working out.

So I have the great pleasure of having time to listen and read great content. And then I have so much life in my house and little ones that I get great joy in processing the ideas and trying them out on them. Like with choices, if I think my little one should wear sneakers instead of rain boots, it works marvelously well to give him the choice of two pairs of sneakers and the rain boots. Just like the houses, it works!

Then Betsy generously added, “Your brain is being so enriched. And then you share your newfound knowledge with others. What a service! Especially when you share the highlights to those of us who don’t have time to learn things ourselves.” Which was a delightful thing to hear but also explained by behavioral economics.

In Predictably Irrational, Dan Ariely describes an experiment they did at a college campus. They had pictures of two attractive people – Student A and Student B. They created a triptych of pictures with student A, Student B and a third picture where they altered student A to be less symmetrical and therefore less attractive.

When students were given the choice of who they found to be most attractive, the majority picked Student A. The third picture, the altered student A gave them something to compare against that steered them towards student A. They did this with several pictures to make sure it wasn’t specific to Student A.

Applying that to life, the choices are

  1. Being single with a rich blogging/writing life
  2. Being in a partnership with a great intellectual conversation
  3. Being single but feeling isolated because I’m not discussing the ideas that have inspired me.

Since option B isn’t really viable right now, it’s a no brainer that I happily choose to listen, write and share since it enriches the option that I have.

(featured photo from Pexels)

40 thoughts on “The Choices We Have”

  2. Keep on keeping on Wynne! You’re doing a great job listening, writing and sharing your trials, triumphs, wisdom and smiles to encourage us in our life’s journeys. Thanks!

    Liked by 4 people

    2. Agreed! You may find it natural to be curious and have a wide range of interests that you actively pursue. You may say you have time because you’re single. I see it as a naturally inquisitive and wonderfully analytical mind. I see it as you being able to carve out time from a busy day as a single mother to enrich not only yourself, but the rest of us, but sharing highlights that we can all benefit from. Many in your shoes (sneakers or boots 🙂 ) might say they have LESS time than those in a relationship where their partner can shoulder the load.

      I see you as someone who consistently challenges herself, and the rest of us, to learn and grow. I’m loving it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. EW, this is such a wonderful gift of a comment. Thank you! I love learning and growing alongside this community – and I have so appreciated all your questions, quotes and thoughts that are a big part of making it so fun!

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  3. Such a wonderful post Wynne. You’re absolutely correct when you talk about the time invested in a relationship. It takes time and therefore takes time away from other things. I’ve been married for three decades, and have found some balance between investing in my relationship and time for myself. Though it’s not always perfect, it has improved with age. I too love learning and reading. In fact I have read the book you mention. It’s a great read and I love what you’ve pulled from it. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I love this comment, Alegria. Isn’t that book fun? So interesting to thinking about how we choose and value things and he’s such a good storyteller! I can imagine that the balance for relationship gets better over time and so I’m glad to hear you verify that. I would think in the busy child-raising years that it’s really tough but of course with many wonderful aspects as well. Thanks for reading and commenting, my friend!

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      1. Yes absolutely very difficult to balance in the child raising years while working etc. Life has its stages and we must embrace them all as we navigate them. Sometimes of course we lose the balance, but with love as the North star how can we lose.

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  4. Honored! Happy to have provided blog fodder through our conversation. 🙂 Now I must remember that third option trick with my little guy! I’ve been reading books to write reviews for them as a volunteer “job” for a website, but think I will quit so I can get back to reading great nonfiction. There’s so much on my TBR. I long for those days when I was reading Malcolm Gladwell. Nearly ready to get back to enriching my brain this way again. Hooray!

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      2. I don’t remember either. I’m pretty sure we must have had some interaction before the tattoo because I don’t request tattoos on first meeting. 🙂 But whatever it was, I am forever grateful! ❤

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      3. I think because of requesting the tattoo, we started emailing each other. I remember the topic that first made us bond, but how we got to there… Whatever! Just the fact that we did. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I can 100% see why you chose option A. My marriage is odd because my husband is only home 1/2 the month. The other 1/2 I’m alone. I’m always reading and doing things with or without him and I make time for myself because I enjoy it and because I deserve it. Yet I see what you’re saying. When he is home we’re incredibly busy and when he’s not I run a tight ship and read a ton 🤪

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  7. Your blog and the sharing of your thoughts really are a service! I love reading what you have to say. I am glad you picked option A. But I hope if you ever decide to go a different route (like B or something not listed) you will still find a way to bless us with your thoughtful posts.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. You’ve got this sawed, nailed, painted, and tied up in a bow! You’re maximizing living in the present moment, having accepted it fully, and you’re not living in the land of woulds/coulds/ifs! Plus you help so many not only by giving awesome information, but you state your sources, so this is very validating for people who are trying to follow your example! It’s not just you saying things, there’s the added weight of who you are quoting! Bravo!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Your words are bringing a smile to my face! I’m deeply grateful and happy to have met you too! 😊🌼🌼

        Liked by 1 person

  9. We’re all the richer and better for having you share your insights and ideas with us on a daily basis, Wynne! 😊

    And yes, your Option A is definitely more appealing than Option C! But how wonderful also to have two awesome kids to infuse your day to day with ideas to reflect and to share back with the world.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ab, you are such a treasure! Thank you so much for not only an affirming and encouraging comment but also one that so accurately points out how lucky I am to have these awesome kids to observe in the fullness of life. So true!

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  10. You’ve presented it so accurately, Wynne. Each person has a choice, and the life changes with every decision we make. We are the ones we decide how we feel, how we look at things, how we react.

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  11. I understand why you chose Option A. I started blogging back when my husband travelled for work at least half the year. When he’s here we had/have interesting conversations, but the rest of the time I was on my own in a town where I knew no one. Blogging allowed me to connect/talk with people– and turned out to be emotionally rewarding in the process.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How interesting to know more about how you started since I’m relatively new to your blog! You’ve said it perfectly – which you have such a gift for and for making me laugh. Thank you, Ally!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s great – because you can take A with you when you move (and we are fully counting on you to)! 🙂 Isn’t that book a good one? So grateful that we’ve connected, Natalie! ❤

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  13. If there were any justice in the world, Betsy’s blog would have been renamed “Chex and Balances” eons ago. But no such luck.

    This sounds weird to say, but I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to experience a few years being single in my adult life. I do believe the experience enriched me. My first wife and I were high school sweethearts, so I literally went from living with my parents to living with her. I didn’t get to be on my own until I was 37. Today? I wouldn’t be nearly as happy if I hadn’t had those few years of discovery. My whole point is, keep cherishing what you have!

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    1. And that is a very good point, Mark. Yes, our choices are so much better when we are able to cherish them either because we know we’ve made the right choice or because other’s remind us of the perspective. Thank you for the gift of perspective here! I hope somewhere down the line there is a relationship as happy and sympatico as you have with Tara but I do like my choice for now.

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    2. All I read in this comment was, “Whine. Whine. Whine. Betsy didn’t change her blog name. Whine. Whine. Whine. My name is Mark. I’m so great. Whine. Whine. Whine.”

      😉

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