Certitude

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“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” – Steve Jobs

You know that feeling when you start to wobble? It could be riding a bike or stand up paddleboarding or going down the stairs too fast with your hands full but there’s a moment when it all starts vibrating and you think, “Oh no, I’m going to fall!” but you haven’t fallen yet. That’s how my family feels right now.

It started with my two-year-old’s root canal – his fever spiked, the dentist worked on the tooth and then put him on antibiotics. Just as that pain was starting to heal, my 6-year-old daughter came down with a head cold. Right as she started to kick that, my son’s fever spiked again so it was back to the dentist who finished working on the tooth and continued the antibiotics. Then his body signaled it was done with antibiotics by breaking out in a rash all over his body. Right as that began to clear, I caught my daughter’s head cold.

It was hard to put my finger on why all this feels difficult. It’s more than the aches and pains, although they aren’t very fun and different than the fear that I won’t be able to get my work done.

But I put a name to what I was grappling with when I listened again to an Unlocking Us podcast where Brené Brown talked with Father Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest and prolific author. CERTITUDE

“People who’ve had any genuine spiritual experience, always know that they don’t know. They are utterly humbled before mystery, they are in awe before the abyss of it all, in wonder at eternity and depth, and a love which is incomprehensible to the mind.”

Our ancestors were more easily able to hold on to mystery in general and God in particular. Whereas we worship workability, predictability and answers. We like answers! It’s not good to think that way. It takes away a natural humility.

We created an artificial world in which we create circumstances in which WE KNOW.

You have to get away from Western over-developed countries to meet a different kind of human being who isn’t that way. Who don’t think they have a right to certitude.

Father Richard Rohr

Uncertainty is a great word to describe what I’ve been feeling as my family wobbles. I lose my ability to predict what the next day is going to look like, more or less, and I feel a little bereft without that. I start casting about trying to think of when this is end so I can get back to knowing.

And then I think of one of my favorite quotes from Mark Nepo, “When we stop struggling we float.”  I imagine just leaning back into this time of uncertainty, having faith that a dots will connect as Steve Jobs says in the quote for this post.

When life roughs me up I often find that it gives me a little bit of texture to hang out to. Almost as if when things are going too smoothly, time glides too easily through my fingers and I “routine” my life away. Difficulty keeps us close for a moment and life becomes more of an adventure.

There was a COVID case in my son’s classroom last week. Will his COVID test come back negative this morning so that he can go to school and I can go to my 11:30 meeting? It’s a mystery – and I’m so grateful I woke up this morning so that I will be able to solve it and go on to the next.

(featured photo from Pexels)

29 thoughts on “Certitude”

    1. “To think otherwise is a great folly.” I love it, Chaya! So much wisdom in that – thank you for sharing! Hope you have a great week!

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  3. I think we’ve all had enough in many aspects of our personal lives, but as a society in general. We crave routine and normalcy, even for a short time, maybe just to have a moment to breathe and absorb a short time when nothing is complicated. I don’t know that routine is necessarily a bad thing, but a good thing is having the ability to be aware and flexible when life upsets the routine.

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    1. Great points, Deb. Yes, we all have had enough and need a moment to breathe and absorb. The funny thing about disruption is that I like my routine so much that I would likely never choose these moments of flexibility but then I learn so much. Ahh, life! 🙂 Hope you have a great week!

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  4. After a post like this I wish I could pack up a big bear hug and send it to you!

    Since I can’t, I’ll share a TED talk about why we should “Start With Why” (and I know you have your “why”)

    It’s almost 18 minutes, but it’s well worth the time.

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    1. Oh, I love that. I’ve heard Simon Sinek on podcasts but never seen him so that was a treat. And I love his line about MLK – the speech was I Have a Dream not I Have a Plan!!

      Thank you so much for this inspiration, and energy and virtual bear hug!! Such a thoughtful response to my post, my friend!! Thank you!

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  5. I used to think that the universe gave me the quiet times in between the difficulties to be able to catch my breath and find some modicum of normalcy before life took off once more, plunging me through the loops and follies. It was a struggle to hold onto sanity at times when things were being flung at us fast and furiously. I think that’s the normal state of operations in a household with young kids. I’ve observed it over and over again with families. Hang on and hang tight, for that’s the rodeo you are part of!

    When I start to feel the wobbly feeling now in my life, I know a change is coming. What it is I don’t know, all I know is that things need to wobble first before change can make itself known. I’ve had a building restless feeling for the past few months, I guess I could call that feeling wobbly. I took the weekend off to unplug by myself, knowing that is something that is needed to shore up for the incoming change.

    Take the time to be extra good to yourself, find an extra hour or two to sleep, when you can. Eat extra healthily to make sure you’re providing your body the extra nutrients, extra sleep, and extra attention YOU need to get through this! Hang on!

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    1. What a fascinating comment, Tamara. That the wobblies prepare us for something. That makes sense in so many ways – loosening up our grip so we are open to the next thing perhaps?

      I also love how you describe the phase I’m in as a rodeo. Yes indeed! And your prescription for health – thank you my friend.

      I love that you took the weekend to unplug and shore up for incoming change. What wonderful wisdom and ability to listen to what your body and nervous system (maybe?) are telling you about the horizon! Sending lots of gratitude and good vibes to you!

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      1. Thank you for your wonderful feedback! As always you are so supportive!

        Yes, I’ve reached the age where I am recognizing the signals my body sends me regarding changes coming up, but also seeing that what’s going on at work is leading to change. What it is can be difficult to say for sure, but it doesn’t seem that what’s going on is sustainable. When my body starts to feel that restlessness, it’s anticipating something!

        Yes! Living with kids and all the health and life issues is very much like a rodeo isn’t it? Short but very intense times of being “on”, followed by a pause, followed by another intense time! They all feel like forever, much like those 8 seconds seem to go on forever!

        When we look back we can see the patterns! Taking extra care of ourselves during the pauses is important, but our “8 seconds” can go on for weeks on end, making it seem more like a marathon than a sprint, so carving out time for self care is crucial! Things always seem harder when we’re tired! Parenting is a series of sprints, with a marathon or few sprinkled in. Pacing yourself is an important part because no one will necessarily see you need it until you should collapse. You’ve been training for this!

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      2. I love how you ended that, Tamara! I have been training for this! Thank you for the wonderful encouragement.

        It so interesting to hear of your sense at work. I’m so interested in the mystery and can’t wait to find out what emerges in that arena for you! Sending all my best!

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  6. It’s normal to get wobbly when raising kids. So many balls to juggle at one time. Hold onto whatever helps you to maintain your balance and you’ll get through this…until the next one hits.

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  7. Oh, Wynne, what a week. I agree with the comment from the person who wished she could give you a big bear hug. But as you know deep down inside, there will be times like this. And you will get through them. Patience, acceptance, and humor are needed. When your kids are little, there just are (many) times when things we’ve planned just have to be put aside. The up side of this is that our little kids are so very worthwhile! 💕

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    1. Beautiful, Jane!! And thank you for the virtual bear hug. Yes, so very worthwhile indeed! And I love your prescription for patience, acceptance and humor. A good trio that can get one past most everything, I suspect! I appreciate you sharing your kindness and wisdom!

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  8. I am so sorry for what sounds like a rough patch after rough patch period. I hope your kids will both be on the mend and that you two also get rest and recharge.

    The idea of letting go of the uncertainty in order to float resonates with me. There really is so little we know about how the universe works and sometimes when we lean into the uncertainty and let life and good karma take it’s course, is when a clear path forward opens up.

    Hope the rest of the week gets better!

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    1. I love your comment, “There really is so little we know about how the universe works and sometimes when we lean into the uncertainty and let life and good karma take it’s course, is when a clear path forward opens up.” That rings true to me too. It’s the leaning in again!

      Thanks, Ab! We are past the Covid exposure and I’m feeling better so although I’m committed to trying to just staying curious, it feels a little more restful. Hope you have a great week!

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      1. Glad you are past COVID and feeling better. The week is hopefully flying by for you too and the weekend will surely be here again soon.

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  9. You are a resilient and enterprising woman, Wynne. You take life on, manage your way through, find courage and encouragement in faith and love, and take joy where you find it. Here’s to you!

    P.S.
    “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forwards.” Jobs might have heard it somewhere along the line.
    ― Søren Kierkegaard

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    1. What a gift of a comment, Dr. Stein! Thank you. I’m doing my best – and somedays that works out better than others. 🙂

      Great point about the Kierkegaard quote. You’re right – Jobs must have heard that and was building on it!

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  10. I have never related to something more. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who’s standing in the pounding rain that when bad things happen they pile up. It’s a wonderful reminder that they honestly happen to everyone. Praying hard that you’re all recovering soon!

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    1. What a warm and comforting comment to know that there are other people in my boat, LaShelle. Not that I wish it on you but it’s nice to have such great company. 🙂 Yes, sometimes things just pile up. And then we just have to enough the ride, right? Thanks for the great company and the prayers. We are doing better this week!

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  11. No doubt about it: we’re an instant gratification society these days. “Uncertainty” might as well be a bad word, and yet, what choice do we have but to live with it?

    Hope your whole family is on the road to recovery now!

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  12. I love the way you conclude this post – I’m so grateful I woke up this morning so that I will be able to solve it and go on to the next – thank you for this beautiful insight Wynne!

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