Fantasy Climbs

Posted in ParenthoodTagged , , , ,

“One climbs, one sees. One descends, one sees no longer, but one has seen. There is an art in conducting oneself in lower regions by memory of what one has seen higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.” – Rene Daumal

I felt my phone ping with a message while I was trying to get dinner on the table the other night. At that moment, one little person wanted raw carrots instead of the perfectly grilled carrots and needed more hummus. The other little person was tired and having a moment of personal crisis and didn’t want to eat at all. As I was shuttling between kitchen and table, I snuck a glance at the message. It was my friend inviting me on a mountain climb of Mt. Adams with him and his son this summer.

Oh, it was so easy to envision myself away from that disastrous dinner and instead picture eating instant noodles from a tin cup on the side of a mountain at our base camp at 9,750 feet. I felt like it would be a complete luxury to say “yes” to climbing and trade in the work of parenting for a couple of days of slogging up a mountain with only the sound of our breathing and our footsteps crunching in the snow.

Even though I could rationalize how safe a climb Mt. Adams is with no crevasses or avalanche danger and rest in the reassurance of climbing with a friend that I’ve summitted that mountain twice with, I knew I’d have to say “no.”

Because even a safe mountain climb means being on the side of a 12,281 foot mountain for a couple of days, exposed to weather and human frailty. And in the very slight case that anything happened and I got hurt or dead, I’d be so angry at myself for leaving behind two young kids. Even if I was dead – I’d be dead and angry!

It highlighted for me the wide chasm between who I am now and who I used to be before kids. First of all, I’m entirely flattered that my friend thinks I could make it up Mt. Adams.

Secondly, it was a moment of realization of how completely my priorities have changed thinking about how I use my time, not only for the climb but also the commitment it would take me to get in shape to climb again.

But most of all, it made me feel yet again the wonderful work of our friends as they hold space for us when we are otherwise occupied, off on our quests to find meaning or just not feeling ourselves. Those friends that we can journey through all the phases of life and still find something to talk about with are a sacred gift.

So I told my friend, with a huge heaping of gratitude, that I’d have to take a rain check until I get my kids in shape and we can all climb together. In lieu of me going, his son is going to borrow my backpack and ice axe so a little bit of me is going by proxy instead. Maybe I’ll get to send my tin cup also so it can have dinner on the mountain too!

(photo is mine – of sunset from base camp on Mt. Adams)

26 thoughts on “Fantasy Climbs”

  3. Sir Francis Bacon wrote, “He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune; for they are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief.” We give up a great deal to have them, but I imagine most parents would make the same choice to create these small lives given the chance.

    On the other hand, I don’t doubt the possibilities of future “great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief,” from a woman who wields an ice ax!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Our lives and priorities do, indeed, change when we become mothers. You brought to mind the first opportunity my then husband and I had been offered to go on a private flight to the Kaieteur Falls in Guyana’s remote interior. I declined to join him, wondering who would take care of our kids if the airplane went down over the forest.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, Rosaliene. That sounds like an amazing private flight — and such incredible and thoughtful restraint that you showed not to do it. Hard to pass up the opportunities but priorities keep us centered on what really matters, don’t they?

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This is one of those “you can have it all, but not necessarily all at the same time” moments. Your return to the mountains will come in good time. Meanwhile, your past mountain climbing adventures must give you a wealth of writing material!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh Jane, this is a perfect comment. You are right – I can milk my past climbing moments for all they are worth. And it is a great reminder that I can have it all, but not necessarily at the same thing. Thank you for that gift, Jane!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Our priorities definitely change as parents but that was still a lovely thing your friend did.

    Your kids will grow up and one day it is an adventure you can all enjoy together! 🙏

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Quite honestly, my heart skipped a beat when I read you had such a wonderful offer and turned it down! I understand the reason why, but I also felt such a moment of disappointment!

    I too have turned down some fun things when my daughter was young, but I did have moments of doubt when I saw other people with young kids going or even taking their kids (not mountain climbing) and questioned my choice.

    Now that my daughter is grown and her kids are teens and a preteen, I choose not to live too far (currently 3hours drive) away from them, having lived over 1000 miles away and only seeing them once a year. They’re part of the air I breathe and I don’t want to live further away from them than I do now.

    Having kids changes us, sometimes forever! Not everyone lives that way, we all know that, but when it’s something which has touched our hearts we must live in the truest way possible to that, or we will dislike or even hate ourselves.

    What are some ways to enjoy mini hiking experiences that are appropriate for the kids?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for coming along on my ride through disappointment, Tamara! I love your commitment to your daughter and grandkids.Yes, having kids changes us forever – perfectly said. Thankfully they bless us through all phases of life, even if we have to make tough decisions to stick around.

      Great question about hiking with them. I love how you turn this into learning. Yes, there are plenty of places we can hike nearby and they are pretty good little hikers for their ages. I’ll plan more of that!

      Hope you have a great weekend, Tamara!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: Do One Thing Well – Surprised By Joy
  11. Pingback: Holding Space – Surprised By Joy

Comments are closed.