Do We Have to Be Nice to Alexa?

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“Hem your blessings with thankfulness so that they don’t unravel.” – unknown

I was in the kitchen making dinner last night when I overheard my mom talking to the Amazon Echo device we have in the other room. It’s the device we have plugged in that is connected to the Internet so that the kids can request music for their endless dance parties (I know it does a lot more than that but that’s what we primarily use it for). Because the Echo doesn’t quite understand my son’s two-year-old voice yet, my mom was requesting a song for him, “Alexa, play Baby Shark, please.”

It made me think of manners and respect. I suspect that my 82-year-old mom’s manners are so engrained she doesn’t have to think whether or not she’ll say “please” any more, even when talking to a device. And I tend to say “please” as well when talking to Alexa because I appreciate anyone (or anything) that responds to my requests.

But is it an empty gesture when talking to an Artificial Intelligence device?

It reminds me of training a dog. To give commands, you have to be in control of yourself enough to be clear. In addition, the whole process teaches as much to the trainer as the trainee as you figure out what works and what doesn’t. And finally, there’s a loyalty built when you work together.

Besides, I think modeling respect for everything in our world for my kids builds a good foundation of choosing respect more often than not. Respect for the people that designed it, respect for the shared intelligence it delivers and respect for all the songs we can access through it. Given all that, I think Alexa deserves a please and a thank you!

(featured photo from Pexels)

25 thoughts on “Do We Have to Be Nice to Alexa?”

  1. We were just talking about this at my mother’s house! She always says “please” and then “thank you” to Alexa. If I don’t do the same when I make a request my mom yells “please!” and “thank you, Alexa!” in the background. Cracks me up.

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  3. Alexa, or any device like that sort of creeps me out. Daughter has her entire home with every device known. I felt uncomfortable when dog sitting there. You feel like everyone and everything hears and sees you. I only used Alexa once to activate the Ring doorbell and I did not say please or thank you even though she did an excellent job.

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    1. So funny, Deb! Glad Alexa performed even without the niceties. Our Echo was a gift from someone else and I left it in the bag for a couple of years before plugging it in because it creeped me out too. But I’ve caved and come to love her!

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  5. I couldn’t agree more! Call me crazy, but I am convinced that all things contain consciousness—even (and especially) my car. I have learned the hard way that it responds to the thoughts I project onto it and behaves badly when they are negative. Conversely, when I am kind to my car, it is kind to me. This one is worth a blog—or maybe even a book! Meanwhile, I often thank Siri for giving me the answers I am looking for. And thank you, Wynne, for yet another insightful blog.

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    1. I think you are on to something, Julia. Whether or not our devices have consciousness, some reservoir of emotion can be contained in them and it’s way better when it’s a positive well, not a negative one. Love this comment! g

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      3. Ah, that’s a good question, Dr. Stein. Isn’t this like the studies on gratitude? That when we focus on what we are grateful for, we tend to be more resilient about what isn’t? So if I’m grateful that my car has worked for 14 years, I’m more patient when I have to call AAA when the battery dies or I have to pay for a repair?

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  6. The way kids and older adults interact with AI tech such as Alexa is always fascinating and amusing. And I agree on the role modeling of respect.

    Funnily enough, I was just reading about AI today and it’s specific applications towards mediating relationships, including familial ones. Fascinating to think about it’s specific applications to this area!

    You might enjoy this read!

    https://www.wired.com/story/artificial-emotional-intelligence/

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    1. Wow – that’s a fascinating article. I heard a podcast last week with the Gottmans where they mentioned that app but it was fascinating to read about the technology behind it. Thanks for linking that!

      And yes, it is fascinating to watch the generational differences in our interaction with tech!

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  8. Ally sent me here, and I’m glad she did! I feel very dictatorial with Siri when I command her to do things, without a please/thank you, and then, to top it off, I say “go away”… But I feel equally strange thanking Siri (even though that sometimes creates some pretty funny comebacks). I think that if Alexa was … more humane, it’d be different. I once read a funny story where people were watching a show on tv where one of the characters asked Alexa to buy something, and Alexas all over the country ordered it 😀

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  9. I say “please” and “thanks” when I use Siri, though I don’t when I use the voice control on the remote. Maybe phones are higher status? I do it partly because of the ingrained politeness mentioned above, and partly because I really like the Terminator movies. And if Skynet decides to take us all down, I want it on record that I was one of the polite ones, so I get terminated last 😉

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  10. 😂 I so feel you! I tend to have trouble with Alexa as she does not understand some of the words I say. After a few attempts, I get irritated. Unfortunately, it does not matter how ‘nice’ I am to her; it never makes the difference it does with people . . .

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    1. I love this comment, Jaya. Well, thank goodness being nice to people still works! 🙂

      Yesterday, I thought I heard my two-year-old telling Alexa to “sit” and tried to figure out what that meant. He was in fact telling her to “skip” to the next song but neither she nor I understood. It’s frustrating! 🙂

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