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“Stay close to those who make you feel alive.” – unknown

In the recent parent-teacher conferences I’ve had for each of my kids, I’ve gotten a feel for how my kids behave when they aren’t with me. It seems they are “go along to get along” people. Generally speaking, they follow the rules, don’t make a fuss, they don’t cry and they don’t get in trouble. My 6-year-old might talk a little too much sometimes but she gets her work done.

That’s not a big revelation since that matches my general approach to life. Although I am surprised that my two-year-old can do it at such a young age, especially because he’s never been told to. But hearing this is reshaping how I think of what my home is.

I used to think home was where our best-selves would shine through because of the love and nurturing there. I still think that – except that I’m realizing our best-selves are NOT our best-behaved selves, they are our most authentic, intimate selves.

Home is where we can take off our armor and practice speaking our truth. It is a place where it’s okay to have a soft underbelly and to let it all hang out. It’s where we can cry, have fits and let it fly (respectfully) when at home. Because, I figure, it’s the only way to get salve onto the sore spots and to receive sympathy for all the growing pains. It’s our place for practicing being leaders and followers and doing neither very well and learning.

Home is where we learn grace. We can cry when it hurts, express disappointment, find out what truly refreshes us, practice imaginative play, be bored and unscripted. Home is where we light our candles, pray for peace and then figure out how to find that in ourselves. It is where we can be held through it all.

While it seems that I’m writing this for my kids, the truth is, I’m finding great comfort in defining this for myself. Somehow typing out a list of place of where and how we will be received and held is making my slippers feel a little more comfortable. In the years of the pandemic where home became where we do everything, it seems I got a little disoriented about my purpose in this structure.

So, I’m setting this down for all of us. Home is not just where the heart is – it is where the heart feels safest to be open, glow and grow in all directions.

25 thoughts on “Home”

  2. Isn’t it comforting to know that home is that soft landing place. Whenever we’re sick, in trouble, or needing comfort we want to be home. And when we’re far away from home for business or pleasure it always feels good to come back home. Home is such a special place. And I wish everyone on this planet knew what that feels like. Beautiful post Wynne!

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  4. Lovely post, and your children are blessed that you have created it, Wynne. For too many, however, it is a place of great demands, a lack of respect, and a search for the creation of an acceptable self where no self will gain acceptance. All praise to those caretakers who have done what you have done.

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    1. Wow, Dr. Stein. Your description of “a place of great demands, a lack of respect, and a search for the creation of an acceptable self where no self will gain acceptance.” rings true with too many memoirs I’ve read. Thank you for your praise and encouragement for creating a different kind of home! ❤

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  6. Home is where the heart truly is. And it’s a testament to your parenting when your kids can feel safe to express their authentic selves at home. 😊

    Great to hear they are also adapting and doing well at school and daycare as well! 🙏

    Happy weekend to the three of you!

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  7. I recently wrote a piece on Home is where the heart is and I found myself agreeing with you here, resonating with all that you wrote. Home is indeed a safe space of feeling free, uninhibited and just being oneself.

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  8. How fortunate your children are to grow up such an open and loving environment where it is safe to be the true expression of whichever self shows up at any given moment, a place to practice being human. What a blessing!

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  11. lovely post, Wynne.
    I agree with, “Home is where the heart feels safest to be open, glow and grow in all directions.”
    Our children were told they could express themselves freely and were allowed to be mischievous at home but were expected to be courteous and well behaved when outside.

    So when the teachers would say what a pleasure it was to have our kids in their class, we were proud. We felt great even when my daughter’s teacher put it diplomatically, “Mrs. U, your daughter likes to socialize.” Instead of saying that she was a chatterbox! And as Mrs. Evans was an excellent teacher, she put my daughter’s socializing skills to help other students when she completed her work. Thus, she could talk about work while she helped rather than fluttered around like a social butterfly.

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    1. This is such a delightful comment. I’ve learned from it that I probably need to express to my kids the expectations about home/outside because I don’t know that I’ve verbalized it to them.

      And I love the story of your delightful daughter and the great teacher. When kids can move around the classroom again (assuming that happens after we make progress with the pandemic), that is a wonderful idea I can suggest to my “likes to socialize” daughter! Thank you, Chaya!

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