Meet Tenderness with Tenderness

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“My hands never feel empty because you hold them with care and love.” – unknown

Yesterday, my two-and-a-half year old son and I were sitting in the car goofing around while parked outside Starbucks before I dropped him at school. It was an early Monday morning after a really fun weekend as a family together and he said a couple of times that he didn’t want to go to school. Then he said, “I miss you, Mama.” And I started to protest that I was right there and talk him out of it. But before I could put the words together he followed up, “I miss you Mama atta school.”

My heart was gulping like a fish out of water and tears sprang to my eyes. Before I left the moment to justify that I can’t be do everything or to troubleshoot how we could spend more time together, my thoughts snagged on an idea from poet and author Mark Nepo that tenderness is best met with tenderness.

Frequently, this reflex to solve, rescue and fix removes us from the tenderness at hand. For often, intimacy arises not from any attempt to take the pain away, but from a living through together; not from a work out, but from a being with. Trust and closeness deepen from holding and being held, both emotionally and physically.

The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo

So I gave him a big hug and said, “I miss you too, Buddy.” Then we went on our way.

I found out from his teacher that when the kids at school miss their families, she gets out a picture of their people for them so they can look at it. It’s the daycare version of the pictures I keep on my desk that give me a little zing whenever they catch my eye.

I felt my son’s statement all through the day as I went about my business. When it sparked a feeling of guilt or responsibility I kept practicing the return to the beauty of having a relationship worth missing.

13 thoughts on “Meet Tenderness with Tenderness”

  1. What a beautiful experience Wynne. And how wise of you to simply appreciate your son’s feelings. We aren’t always called upon to fix things as you say, but being there appreciating the moment, whatever it is brings joy and cherished memories. 💕 Lucky boy to have such a wise mama.

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment, Shelley! The impulse within me to try to fix things runs strong so I’m grateful for all I learn to meet experience for what it is. I so appreciate your comment and adding to this wisdom! ❤

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  2. Wynne, Oh what a lovely way to put this special bond you have with your little one, ‘When it sparked a feeling of guilt or responsibility I kept practicing the return to the beauty of having a relationship worth missing.”
    Best wishes.
    Chaya

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