Rebranding Exercise

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“Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you remembered to do today was breathe.” – Unknown

Somewhere in the middle of yesterday morning, I realized that, although I was in the middle of a scenario that I dreaded, I was doing fine, in fact better than fine. The scenario: quarantined alone with two kids for days on end, no other grown-ups allowed in for help or distraction, not able to go outside which is both my and my kids’ happy place, feeling sick and trying to work.

It made me wonder – how much energy is wasted imagining dreaded scenarios? They may or may not happen. And this one has taught me, that even when they happen, they don’t feel like I feared they would. In fact, I felt so emboldened by the fact I was facing this nightmare down that I skipped through the rest of the morning.

This sparked a tidbit that I learned many years ago from someone who was researching how we RSVP events that are 1 month or 6 months out. They found that our minds have an image of who we’ll be and how we’ll feel in the future that isn’t accurate. When we respond based on that image, we often don’t predict well whether we’ll want to go. The trick, the research said, was to RSVP as if the event was tomorrow or next weekend. Because we just don’t know how we are going to feel about an event until we are facing it.

Also in my dread, I couldn’t imagine the beautiful difference that how other people would react would make. My friends, neighbors and colleagues have been so supportive and offered to drop off groceries, dinners and things for the kids. And in my imagining, I couldn’t factor in the great community of grown-ups that I’ve found in blogging. Reading other people’s blogs and writing through this has kept me in touch with the big picture reality in such a delightful way (thank you so much!). And finally, my kids have done pretty darn well in this break from normality. They’ve bickered and gotten grumpy but also taken it in stride.

And finally, the fear of the unknown made the idea of the quarantine much scarier than it is. When I fear things, it adds a patina to the image that doesn’t appear in the reality. Dealing with and dreading are two different things. Of course, that is also thankfully because our cases are mild, it gets better and more known each day and now the end is in sight.

The more often I face something I dread, the more I learn to return from that feeling. I think we all leave the present for someone imagined scenario but like just like blinking, we have the chance to clear our vision and return. No need to spend any time in the future – because how I think I will feel when I have to have a tooth drilled, hold a child that is hurt or face disappointment is not how I will actually feel.

And building on the other things I’ve learned this week, I sat my kids down to do a meditation last night after dinner. It worked wonderfully to settle us all into a fun evening routine. They loved it and my 6-year-old especially thought it was great.

So I’m rebranding this quarantine as a meditation retreat.

23 thoughts on “Rebranding Exercise”

  1. In Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar,” the latter tells his wife that cowards die many deaths, while a hero dies only once.

    Daniel Gilbert and associate’s research supports the notion we are poor at “affective forcasting” — predicting how we will feel if a good or bad event happens and how long the feeling will last.

    Glad you and the kids are finding the positives in a tough spot.

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    1. Thank you, Dr. Stein for putting a name to that research. I couldn’t put my finger on whether it was Daniel Gilbert, Dacher Keltner or Jonathan Haidt. I appreciate you solving that mystery for me! And thanks for the good wishes.

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      1. Haidt deals with irrationality, judgment and our sense of morality. His videos are everywhere. Keltner doesn’t ring a bell.

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  4. First off, I’m glad to hear you’re all doing better. And that you took this opportunity to refocus and to relearn the importance of the here and snow.

    That study that you shared about the RSVP mentality is so fascinating. At work, I find to be true either when I set up or accept a meeting far into the future and then the feelings of anxiety creep up as the actual date approaches.

    Glad to hear you have such a supportive community surrounding you during your time of need. They certainly do make a difference too.

    Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend!

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    1. I think you had a slip of the tongue in the first paragraph that was indicative of your week – “the here and snow!” 🙂

      Yes, I thought the RSVP thing was interesting too! Must be why that research has stuck with me this long.

      I’m so grateful for your support – always and especially this week. Thanks for the encouragement and laughs!

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  5. Wynne, I love your idea of rebranding your quarantine as a meditation retreat 🙂 Since the pandemic started, I’ve suffered needless anxiety in “imagining dreaded scenarios” of how my sons and I would deal with surviving infection within our small space. Like you, I’ve surprised myself with how well I’ve handled the situation during our quarantine.

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    1. I didn’t realize that you all were together. Oh, I can imagine how that would spark anxiety! I’m so glad but not surprised that you have faced it bravely and with grace! Thanks for your company this week! 🙂 ❤

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    2. Right now we are living through a mental health crisis and an unexpected marriage split. We now have our stressed++ daughter and 2 grandchildren living with us. There is so much fear and unknowns here that my heart is so heavy and my mind is in overdrive. Mediation hey. Wonder how that works with 2 year olds…
      Hope you all feel better soon. Bernie

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      1. Wow, that sounds really stressful. Yes, the meditation works for 2 year olds. It could be the whole ritual – lighting candles, putting on some music (I used Tibetan chants but I bet any hymn would work) and sitting together. But the overall effect was good even if we wiggled around a bit.

        Wishing for some peace and calm in your house!

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  8. A meditation retreat sounds much nicer!

    I will have to check out the Science of Happiness podcast. This reminds me of The Science of Well-Being course I took on edx with Laurie Santos from Yale. It was very interesting to learn about how to actually find happiness and I loved it. She also does a podcast called The Happiness Lab which I have yet to check out.

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    1. That’s so funny – I just heard of Laurie Santos last week when she was on a Brene Brown podcast. I think they said that The Science of Well-Being course was the most popular course at Yale in 300 years? How cool that you took it!! I’m looking forward to listening to the Happiness Lab podcast you mention. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  9. Such a thoughtful reflection. Aren’t blogs great for getting our thoughts out there? And isn’t it nice when people actually care and want to read and respond? It’s amazing, really. 😛 People can be great.

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