Happily Ever As-Is

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“How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now, and there will never be a time when it is not now.” – Gerald Jampolsky

This week with the COVID quarantine and life interruptions that come with it – I’ve decided that happier ever after doesn’t exist. I blame the optimist in me that snow-balled me so I didn’t realize this until age 52. The optimist is always sure that the minute, day and week are going to go as planned and the grass is going to be greener after every milestone.

To be clear, I love my life now as a mom of 2 young kids. It’s delightful – they are bright, shining examples of love, light and inspiration.

And yet… I’m also always waiting for them to change. As an example, my two-year-old son likes the home-field advantage when he poops. He’s worked out how to be at daycare all day long without a dirty diaper and not poop until he gets home. Lucky me.

And my 6-year-old daughter frequently loses it when introduced to a situation where she has to play with kids in an unstructured environment. The two years of pandemic have meant she’s missed out on a lot of practice of that negotiation of rules and expectations that come when kids are playing and no adult is leading the way.

I know that both of those things will change sooner or later. I will potty train my son and work with my daughter on role playing and she will eventually get some more practice and mature.

This leaves me in great tension. How do I love my life as it is now and also long for things to change? It’s a paradox of life. It’s also why I’ve come to believe that happily ever after doesn’t exist. Because there will always be something that isn’t ideal and I’m waiting to change. Or something that I love that will also change. Or a disruption, hurry or maybe even… a pandemic that adds extra curve balls.

The funny thing is that I’ve gotten pretty good at appreciating the surprises that come with life. I’ve come to trust the Divine hand that holds mine and reveals in change and disruption what I need to learn. It’s just taken me until now to realize that there will never be a time that doesn’t come with unexpected twists. So I’m leaning into practicing “happily ever as-is.” It has a lot fewer expectations and even more delight.

(featured photo from Pexels)

18 thoughts on “Happily Ever As-Is”

  1. “How do I love my life as it is now and also long for things to change…?” I think you’ve answered your own question Wynne –

    “I’ve come to trust the Divine hand that holds mine and reveals in change and disruption what I need to learn. It’s just taken me until now to realize that there will never be a time that doesn’t come with unexpected twists. So I’m leaning into practicing “happily ever as-is.” It has a lot fewer expectations and even more delight.”

    As a Been there – Seen that – Done that ole duffer I suspect, Lord willing, when a future day finds you watching your son potty training your grandson, and your daughter teaching granddaughter peer negotiation skills, a smile will come to your face reminiscing how today’s “happily ever as-is” was truly a precious happily ever time in the spectrum of life.

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  2. I feel similarly: always looking ahead to when I will reach the next goal or improvement. Like you said, the paradox is that we love our lives yet still look forward to things changing!

    Good luck with the potty training adventure and also I hope your daughter will soon feel less stressed in peer group settings. I feel for young kids growing up in this pandemic… But ultimately I think despite any setbacks they will be a resilient generation.

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    1. Thank you for such an affirming and supportive comment, LiziRose! I agree – they will be a resilient generation. Especially with teachers like you at their side!

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  4. I hope your son and all of you are feeling ok and doing better after the recent scare!

    I agree that the trick is to live in the here and now and try to enjoy it instead of looking for the next greener and happier moment. It’s so funny to here this, because it is truly as you said a paradox of life.

    It’s funny you mention the potty training as that was something we struggled with for years and now it’s another set of struggles. But now I miss those innocent toddler years too.

    Life is a paradox indeed!

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    1. I suspect as we look back, these little struggles I mention will seem so innocent, as you say! Glad to know I’m not the only one that find this a paradox!

      Are you back to in-person school? I hope so. I think that is going to help all of our 6-year-olds help mature past challenges.

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  5. “The only constant in life is change.” Said Heraclitus. And so yes, we are constantly adapting. It’s amazing as parents all the changes we go through and learn to accept. Sometimes with great difficulty. Sometimes with ease. Yet all the while growing and learning ourselves. It appears with your joyful soul and optimistic nature, you’ve answered your own question and have adopted a new mindset that serves you well. What a beautiful perspective you have. That will be noticed and absorbed by the little sponges who will eventually stop pooping in their pants and will eventually learn all the rules of the game as they too adapt. Lovely thought-filled post Wynne!

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    1. Ah, thank you for such a lovely comment. To be called joyful and optimistic by someone like you who is clearly the same means something! And yes, these little sponges will continue to always be learning! Thanks for the thoughtful comment!

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  7. I, a 24 yo, have struggled with the meaning of happiness for so long and with the meaning of “happiness is in small things ”
    Until I found myself waiting to be happy. I found myself waiting for the weekend, for the summer, for the vacation, for those milestones I have set for myself and I was postponing my happiness. I was accepting to feel miserable one day after the other saying “there will be a time when…”
    But then I was tired and often angry or disappointed because I would also create a lot of expectations that were not met. And all while accumulating bad feeling.
    And it all came to me one day when I realised I will never be happy this way.
    So I decided to stop waiting that much and start concentrating on exciting and happy small things on day to day life. And it’s weird and definitely hard sometimes, after some time, I realised I am happier in general and my mental health improved too.
    So it’s all about choices in the end. Happiness is a choice.
    The beauty is that you can love your life as it is now and also keep working on improving and even changing things for the better.
    Thank you for always writing so beautifully and sincerely. I’m grateful I can read you.
    Have a beautiful day!

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    1. Wow, Elly, what a lovely comment! I like how you’ve described so beautifully how delayed happiness and expectations together make for misery! And the practice you’ve done instead to concentrate on daily small things. Such wisdom! That you’ve cracked that mystery at such a young age is impressive and inspiring! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

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  8. You have a wonderful attitude and philosophy. It’s awesome that you role play with your daughter. A friend told me when I had my first baby, “The days are long, but the years are short.” It’s true. Happily ever after doesn’t exist, but there are many happy moments along with way. Enjoy!

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