“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not your life.” – Sandi Lynn

“I probably won’t see you tomorrow,” my friend Rachel text me, “I’ve got this door project with my dad.” Reading that, I felt a deep ache for my dad because doing projects with him is one of the things I miss most. My family’s love language is projects. I know that’s not exactly one of the five from the love languages book but it’s some combination of acts of service and spending time together combined with getting stuff done!

Our project time was when we got to hang out without great pressure to talk and go to the neighborhood hardware store to get something and chat with all the folks that worked there (I think if my dad hadn’t chosen to be a pastor, he would have loved to be a hardware store guy). I miss the way I always learned some little trick from Dad and most of all the way we’d envision what we were doing together and my dad would throw his arm around me and say, “It’s going to be great, Kid.”

Even though he died unexpectedly in a bike accident, he left me with a list of things we’d always do this time of year. Seal the grout in the tiles we put up along the sides of my driveway, clear the drain field at the base of my driveway, and stain the deck. I do these things and feel my dad with me. We did these things together so many times that I can practically hear his light banter and feel his joie de vie. In fact I went into the hardware store yesterday and Marty, the guy that always consulted with us on projects, was there and I felt this shiver pass through like my dad was right there with me.

Since he’s not here, I do the next best thing and teach my kids the family love language. I’m amazed that the longer he is gone, I don’t miss him less, I just become him more. As we clean the drain field, I can practically hear my dad laughing with my son as he tries to use the cordless drill to get the screws out. I channel his oohing and aahing with my daughter as she pulls out the worms and slugs that having been living in the rich dirt that collected in the drain. He might not be here but this must be the way that love and warmth are passed from generation to generation. We remember the things they love, feel the glow of being together and then pass the spirit on.

It’s going to be great, Kids!