Does Loving-Kindness Actually Matter?

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“All joy in this world comes from wanting others to be happy, and all suffering in this world comes from wanting only yourself to be happy.” – Shanti Deva

Two mornings after a puzzling encounter with a Hispanic man on the bus, his face came to mind during my morning sacred time as I was doing the loving-kindness meditation. Actually I couldn’t picture his face with much detail but the feeling of his leathery hands was still palpable. They were as wide as they were long, giving me the impression, along with the texture, of catchers’ mitts.

May I be happy, may you be happy

May I be at peace, may you be at peace

May I be loved, may you be loved

I wondered as I did it – does doing this meditation do anything for him? Here’s a man who randomly gave us $100 for no reason I could discern, the language barrier prevented any meaningful dialogue. But in so doing, changed the course of our day plus the day of the five people who received parts of his gift. (See my post on Heart of the Matter for the story of what we did with the money).

Then two days later I’m doing the loving-kindness meditation and sending him good vibes. Does it matter to him?

Here’s the image that came to me. If we all are a great big audience, some of us will be facing the stage, others are facing away, and the rest are looking at their phones. For anyone that comes on the stage, they can feel the love of those looking toward them, the antipathy of those facing away, and the indifference of those who are distracted. How the person on the stage reads the crowd is probably mostly based on their experience and viewpoint, but is also influenced by the energy of the audience.

If you asked me whether I wanted to be a part of this man’s audience the other day, my head would have voted for remaining indifferent. But my heart has been softened by enough loving-kindness meditation specifically, and by life in general, so that it opts for leaning in.

So perhaps the time spent in prayer and meditation does matter to the man on the bus. Maybe not directly, but it opens me for receiving others known and unknown.

See my post on the Heart of the Matter for the story of what we did with the $100: One Thing Led To Another

52 thoughts on “Does Loving-Kindness Actually Matter?”

  1. Pingback: One Thing Led to Another – The Heart of the Matter

  2. Love this: “If we all are a great big audience, some of us will be facing the stage, others are facing away, and the rest are looking at their phones.” Oh my, yes.
    The question of whether your loving kindness meditation matters? I believe it does…absolutely for you…and in a big circle way I suspect it matters for the rest of us, too. Including the man with the leathery hands on the bus. xo! 💓💓💓

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  3. The answer to the title question might be the answer this man was hoping for: to consider the well-being of others, including him — to think of how you can repair the world. Or perhaps, just to give others joy and to have them pay it forward. He certainly picked the right person, Wynne.

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  5. Loving-Kindness always matter and so does its absence, perhaps that even more. Your companion post exemplifies what matter it makes, the smiles it brings, and the lessons it teaches. Have a lovingly kind day, Wynne!

    Liked by 4 people

  6. All the world is a stage indeed and we step out into different stages everyday – and how people react to us does inform our experience of the day and also in turn what we choose to focus on – the warmth, the antipathy or the absolute indifference.

    It’s amazing what happens when that magic serendipity of us leaning in and our audience leaning back in. Kind of like what ended up happening with you four on the bus two days ago.

    Enjoy your final final drops of summer vacation today and best wishes with back to school tomorrow! 💕💕🙏

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    1. “It’s amazing what happens when that magic serendipity of us leaning in and our audience leaning back in.” I love that sentence, Ab!! Yes, amazing indeed. Hope you all enjoy your last bit of summer too!

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  7. I think Dr. Stein nailed it. Perhaps the kindness was intended to help you kids (and you) consider ways to help others. Gosh, what a beautiful gift and lesson that stranger offered.

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  9. It mattered to the man on the bus (I think) within the context of his trust that it would help, somehow. It mattered to him to help without validation that it actually did. He doesn’t know how you used the money, but in some universal ripple in time, it all matters, to him, to you, to a better humanity. It’s a lovely story. 🙂 And when you think about it, how can giving in a selfless way ever not matter? And how can your thank you in meditation not reach him? We are becoming more telepathic. Somehow, he knows. 🙂

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  10. “… some of us will be facing the stage, others are facing away, and the rest are looking at their phones.” – love this Wynne ❤️ It just about encompasses for me, life as it currently is … loving, endearing, heartbreaking and frustrating.

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  11. I read once about a man who made it a habit to smile and pray for everyone he passed in his day. Nothing complicated, just a wish for their wellness. Then one day, a woman stopped him and thanked him. She said she had been at the end of her rope when he walked past her and smiled and she felt a renewed hope. It was just the incentive she needed to reach out for help.

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  12. Even though we can’t really know what the universe sends out of our personal tiny spaces and moments and how far those things really may reach I suspect that something along the lines of kindness and good thoughts are what influenced this man at some point to do what he did. While we may never have a full or true answer, does that matter really. If we believe that being kind matters, that sending our gratitude out as vibrations from a quiet moment matter then maybe this isn’t the time to wonder if or why but just keep being that person because it’s the right thing to do.

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    1. Oh, Deb, you have me crying reading this comment. The truth of it – of trying to be that person because it’s the right thing to do – resonates so deeply. Yes. Thank you! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  13. Your opening quote sums it all up. “All joy in this world comes from wanting others to be happy, and all suffering in this world comes from wanting only yourself to be happy.” – Shanti Deva

    I do believe you’re making a difference with your meditation. Positive energy is being released into the world.

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  15. I truly think your meditation matters to him, to you, to all of us reading and to all those who were touched by the $100 dollars in any way shape or form! We’ve all been reminded that it is important to make those small but significant gestures. That can only be good.☀️🙂

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  16. A thought provoking post, Wynne.
    All my life, I have questioned whether my prayers, my sincere wishes and my heartfelt pleas for the good of others work?
    I am not certain if they always do. But, I know I rest a little better knowing I have done my share.
    Or as you have aptly put:
    “So perhaps the time spent in prayer and meditation does matter to the man on the bus. Maybe not directly, but it opens me for receiving others known and unknown.”
    Love

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love your note that you “rest a little better knowing I have done my share.” Such a good point – and also knowing that your share is positive, not negative! And you are so good at that. Thank you, Chaya!!

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  17. Years ago when my father was alive and still conducting the choir and orchestra, when I asked him how it is he gets standing ovations each time, he told me he consciously heightens everyone’s experience by channeling the energy the choir gave off, through him and out to the audience, and received the audiences energy and channeled it back to the choir. He said he could feel the energy people gave and it was just his job to be the conduit to pass it forward.

    Prayer is energy, meditation is energy, and so are thoughts. Quantum Science is now proving the effects of thoughts on inanimate objects. If objects can be influenced by thoughts, imagine what they can do to living beings!

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    1. I love, love, love this Tamara. What an amazing perspective from your father. And then you continue it going by telling this story. Thanks for bringing that forward – and the scientific part of it too. Wonderful. Thank you, Tamara!

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      1. It’s an amazing topic to explore! I love how science is proving true what was once considered to be woo-hoo!

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  23. Absolutely it matters! Whether he feels the loving kindness you are sending your way, only God knows. But YOU feel it, you remain in a state of gratitude, and that changes your outlook and ‘feel’ to those around you. So his action is STILL resonating kindness and love 💞💞💞

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