Being a Yes-Sayer

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“Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.” – Eckhard Tolle

[I almost titled this post “Being a Yay-Sayer” as a joke for anyone that has read about the spelling mistake that I made at Everest Base Camp. Featured photo is from there. If you haven’t, here’s the post on HoTM: Yay, Yeah, Whatever.]

One of the most transformative books that I’ve ever read was Year of Yes by Shondra Rhimes. I remember being pregnant with Mr. D and sitting in a Mexican restaurant eating chips and salsa as I read. So I clearly was at least on speaking terms with “yes,” if getting pregnant with my second child by IVF as a single person was any indication.

Shondra Rhimes, the creator of hit shows such as Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal to name just two of her many accomplishments, sets up the book as a response to something one of her sisters says to her. It was something like, “You never say yes to anything.” So she sets out to say “yes” to all of life’s invitations for a year, even things that terrified her. Public speaking – yes. Media appearances – yes.

Here’s how it was transformative for me. My natural response to life is mostly a “yes.” But somewhere down the line I began to think that it was cool and discerning to say, “no.” Like it indicated that I was a busy person in demand and that showed a level of sophistication. It was a subtle thing when I switched from telling people what I couldn’t do instead of what I could do.

[An aside here: I’m not talking about drawing healthy boundaries and maintaining a line of separation between what are my responsibilities to take care of versus someone else’s responsibilities. I’m not advocating contorting myself to make everything fit, I’m focusing on saying yes/no to adventures and opportunities.]

That small change meant that when someone asked if I could meet them for lunch on Wednesday, I’d respond with something like, “No, I can’t. I have back-to-back meetings that day” instead of “I can’t meet Wednesday but I can meet Tuesday or Friday.”

So reading Shonda’s book reminded me that there is an openness when you face life with “yes” in mind. Not only that, it fits better with my natural way of being. It’s an approach that defaults to a response that starts with “here’s what I can do.” It engenders a flexibility to other ideas, opportunities, and adventures that I might not think of myself.

I am sometimes accused of doing too much by the people in my life. But I’m not sure they are accounting for the euphoria and joy that comes with being aligned with that openness that feeds me in so many ways. And when I’m sick, my “yes” pretty quickly turns to “no.” It feels like that is as it should be as well.

This isn’t about giving up discernment as Shondra demonstrates so well in the book when she says “yes” to herself and ends her engagement. She also shows us it takes practice. But in the end, it’s about opening to all the opportunities that come our way with the deep knowing that we can try and see what happens.

Speaking of saying “yes,” Vicki and I were able to get Mark Petruska to come back on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast to talk about personal anthems and resiliency. It is a great episode about using songs that energize and motivate us during the tough times in life. You can search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Pocketcasts or play it from the web here: Episode 26: Eye of the Tiger with Mark Petruska

(featured photo is mine)

57 thoughts on “Being a Yes-Sayer”

  1. I love this., Wynne, and particularly. “I’m not sure they are accounting for the euphoria and joy that comes with being aligned with that openness”. There has been so much hype around ideas like “the year of yes” and “if it isn’t hell yes, it’s a no”, and I’m not convinced either fully capture the nuance of feeling aligned with our desires and ourselves. Beautiful! 💕

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  3. What a wonderful example of how to say yes even when you can’t : offer an alternative! “I can’t meet Wednesday but I can meet Tuesday or Friday.” How often do we not think to make this simple suggestion and instead beat ourselves up for giving up time we could have spent with others.
    (It’s the simple things that impress me most and have me saying Wow, what a great idea! 😀)

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Probably like many others, I have said a reluctant yes to something and regretted it later. The reverse is also true. It has taken a long time to learn to avoid knee-jerk responses one way or another. For me, a decision carefully made brings joy, regardless of whether it’s yes or no. What matters the most is getting it right. How will I feel about my answer? Joyful? Guilty? Selfish? When unsure, my best answer is, “I’ll think about it and let you know tomorrow.” That gives me the opportunity to respond with clarity, honesty, gratitude and love. I have a friend who said yes to everything—even before the request has been fully stated. In truth, mostly she was saying yes to anything that involved fun. “Do you want to…. YES. That’s probably why she was always so joyful! Geez…I could wrote a book on this subject but I’ll stop here!

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    1. I’m loving the note about your friend. Do you want to…YES. 🙂 🙂 🙂

      But you have a good point about saying “yes” to things that don’t align and the practice of taking a pause. There’s so much wisdom in that as well. I wonder if the difference is in whether things are opportunities or obligations? Or is it putting your whole heart into something after we say “yes”?

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      3. Ohh….chiming in here on the distinction between opportunities and obligations. That’s a big, big, area of discernment for me! And sometimes I need to reset to see one as the other…and vice versa. Does that make sense? 🥰

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  8. I suppose there are two categories of limitations: those we can be certain of before we begin (like becoming an NBA player at 5’8″) and those we we discover or overcome if we say yes. But yes sure does make life more interesting. Thanks, Wynne.

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    1. Oh, I love your comment that “yes sure does make life more interesting.” Yes! And the two categories of limitations – that’s a great way to break them down! Thanks for this great addition, Gerry!

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  11. Yes, yes, yes, love this Wynne. In my work, I sometimes need to say no (ie, you need to do this yourself or get someone else to cover this, because of funding $$$, etc.) and sometimes it seeps over into my personal life. Love the idea of being open to new things, even ones that are scary!!!!

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    1. Oh yeah, I can relate to those things that seep over. They are so sneaky too – they cross the boundaries without asking! Here’s to being open to new things – even ones that are scary!! 🙂

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  14. Years ago when I had been indoctrinated into a couple of strict, fundamentalist/evangelical churches, I had been trained to say no and to exclude “worldly” things or things that “weren’t of God”, so that meant saying no to so many experiences.

    When I left those places and was recreating and healing myself, I decided that I needed to reopen my mind, and just see “what is”. In doing so I learned to say yes to so many things that have brought me great joy and peace.

    It is amazing what is out there!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m fascinated by the juxtaposition between your comment and Rebecca’s comment – she was trained to always say “yes” and you were in a group that forced the “no.” I think it goes to show that any external pressure one way or the other is greatly suspect.

      But I love that your healing process included opening yourself back up again. Beautiful, as always! ❤ ❤ ❤

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      1. Now that you mention it, it is very interesting isn’t it? I agree, any outside influences that are overly strong aren’t good for us in the long run. 😕 Life is better lived when it is balanced in my opinion!

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  15. I have to pick that book up, Wynne. It sounds fantastic. And I love this mindset and keeping ourselves and our lives open to the possibilities of things. I can see that through your writing and your approach to parenting too.

    Hope you three have a great weekend ahead!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I like this part of the equation, “It engenders a flexibility to other ideas, opportunities, and adventures that I might not think of myself. like this part of the equation,” because you’re not just learning to say yes to new and exciting opportunities, you’re stretching yourself! Adding flexibility to your thought processes! I really like using this idea as a guiding principle for the next few months and see what happens. Great post Wynne, hugs, C

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    1. Thank you, Cheryl! From the outside, you look like you are on pretty good terms with “yes!” I love your addition of “flexibility” to the mix. Yes, yes, yes! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  17. Years ago I heard a speaker talk about the benefits of saying Yes. It inspired me to say Yes to a number of opportunities since then, not stopping myself because of self-doubt. I totally concur to saying yes more. However I realized today talking to someone else how important it is to do things for yourself. This person felt pressured to go to an event, and put on an act like she was happy and excited when actually she wasn’t. She was having a week when she needed to pull into her shell for health reasons. I believe Yes is a choice we need to make but also out of love and respect for people in our lives, honour their “no” also, without debate or question.

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  18. I’m generally open to new ideas and experiences and consider myself someone who defaults to “yes”. The flip side of that is that people can take advantage of that nature, so sometimes I have to flex the “no” muscle to preserve my sanity.

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    1. For some reason this reminds me of the Life cereal commercials “Mikee will trying anything. Give it to him.” So I absolutely love your ability to flex your “no” muscle. Indeed we have to protect our boundaries as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Yes, yes, yes, this is a great post, and your thoughts resonated with me – “But in the end, it’s about opening to all the opportunities that come our way with the deep knowing that we can try and see what happens.” Life is good!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. There’s also an indie band called Yeasayer. They’ve taken alternate spellings to the extreme. (Good music, though!)

    That Mark Petruska guy will do anything for attention, I swear.

    Liked by 1 person

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