“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” – Peggy O’Mara
I have one child that says “sorry” too easily and another child for whom it’s an ongoing struggle. It makes me think of being neurotic versus character disordered ala Dr. Scott Peck.
“Most people who come to see a psychiatrist are suffering from what is called either a neurosis or a character disorder. Put most simply, these two conditions are disorders or responsibility, and as such they are opposite styles of relating to the worlds and its problems. The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the person with a character disorder not enough.”
The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck
The problem is that I land on the neurotic side, as I’ve discussed on this blog before, so I think it’s my responsibility. By saying that, I’m not denying that it’s my responsibility, I’m just allowing for the circular logic about responsibility this question creates. It makes it hard to sit back and just let life and my children bloom.
Here’s what I like about being neurotic. I can always find something that I can work on to fix. And the downside, somethings aren’t my things to fix. As Vicki wrote so brilliantly in her post yesterday, Creativity of Being,
“I’ve concluded that relationship navigation is a creative, soulful effort. Abandoning familiar scripts and roles, avoiding the rear-view mirror and the allure of the horizon requires ingenuity and loads of it.”
Dr. Victoria Atkinson, Creativity of Being
So I’m trying to ride the wave between the neurotic voice in my head (that came in part from my perfectionist mom) that says that I could help my kids avoid all troubles in life if they’d just get their outlook right and my curious side that asks a lot of questions when my kids come into conflict in the world. What I’m finding is that how they see an incident is the most interesting thing. Will I change their propensities to say “sorry?” I don’t know but if I become the voice in their head, I want it to be curious, not judgmental.
[A wonderful note about this title for anyone looking for a great voice – Julia Preston has a delightful, uplifting, and inspiring blog called Voices In My Head and has written a book Voices: Who’s In Charge of the Committee in My Head?
The favorite voice in my head comes from my dad and I’ve written about it on the Heart of the Matter blog this morning, “It’s Going to Be Great, Kid!”
(featured photo from Pexels)
Surprised By Joy 