Tag: humor

A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 11/13/2022).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Short Shots

Same Starting Date... It may be true that life begins at 40, but so does rheumatism. (submitted by Byron Erixon)

Advice From an Old Carpenter….Measure twice and saw once.

Friendship…Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your back yard, in which to bury the faults of your friends. (Henry Ward Beecher)

Why Mothers Cry…Many girls marry men just like their fathers, which may explain why many mothers cry at weddings. (From “Prokope” Warren Wiersbe, Ed.)

Youth Vs. Maturity...We are only young once, be we can be immaturely indefinitely. (Bits and Pieces)

Love and Truth…The man who will not admit he’s wrong loves himself more than he loves the truth. (Bits and Pieces)

They’re Not Permanent...Success is not permanent, but neither is failure. (Bits and Pieces)

A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 10/23/2022).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Profit

A small businessman from the old country kept his accounts payable in a cigar box, his accounts receivable on a spindle, and his cash in the cash register. His son said, “I don’t see how you can run your business this way. How do you know what your profits are?”

The businessman replied, “Son, when I got off the boat, I had only the pants I was wearing. Today your sister is an art teacher, your brother is a doctor, and you’re an accountant. I have a car, a home and a good business. Everything is paid for. So you add it all up, subtract the pants, and there’s your profit.”

From Parables, etc. Vol. 3, #3, May 1983

A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 10/16/2022).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Children

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle carrying lighted candles.

All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, “Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you…”

_______________________________

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, Dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice, “The big baby.”

A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 10/9/2022).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Church Funnies

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his soon Jeffy asked, “Daddy, how do you know what to draw?” Bill replied, “God tells me,” Jeffy said, “Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?”

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.” “Well, thank you,” the pastor replied, “but why?” “Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.”

Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: “The Gate of Heaven.” Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: “Please use other entrance.”

A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 9/25/2022).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Hard Choices

A 92-year-old man who lived a pretty wild life was given a birthday present by his wild son (himself in his 70s): a call girl for the night. When he went to answer the door bell, he found this very beautiful woman standing there, dressed in a way that revealed her profession.

She greeted him with the words: “Hi, I’m Susie, and I’ve come to give you a birthday present: super sex!”

The man stood there for a bit, trying to take it all in, and then finally blurted out:

“I’ll take the soup!”

A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 9/18/2022).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Try This at a Party

Two men are shuffling down the hall of their retirement home, in opposite directions. Just as they come up to each other, one says:

“Do you know what my name is?”

The other stops, looks carefully at him for a bit, rolls his eyes as he thinks and finally answers:

“How soon do you need to know?“

A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 9/11/2022).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Spark and Spontaneity

Three couples lived in a retirement home. The three women often complained that their husbands had lost their spark and spontaneity. So one day they decide they are going to try to wake them up. They plan to “streak” past them.

They choose a day when the three guys are each sitting in their rocking chairs on the sun porch, reading and quietly looking out at the scenery. So the women streak past – not too fast, but they each shuffle in front of the men.

After they pass, the men say to one another:

“Did you see what I think I saw?”

“I think so.”

“What do you think they were wearing?”

“I don’t know, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing!”

A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 9/4/2022).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Raising Problem Kids

A college sophomore who had spent most of the school year in one kind of trouble or another received the following card from his parents who were vacationing in Greece:

“Dear Son, we are now standing high on a cliff from which the ancient Spartan women once hurled their defective children to the rocks below. Wish you were here.”