“Please remember that it is what you are that heals, not what you know.” – Carl Jung
The other day a friend of mine sent me a video. For a moment I wondered why she sent a video of the console as she exercised on a stationary bike and then she panned left and down, it showed that as she rode, her 3-year-old was calmly standing next to her holding her hand. Wow, I was so impressed — that she actually got on the bike and stayed on the bike in those conditions. It takes true grit for any parent to take care of their own needs with children around!
Taking care of myself to be the thing that I’m destined to get habitually wrong in parenting. First with one kid and now with two and I suspect with every change in routine and schedule, I keep relearning that I have to take care of me in order to be any use to them. My obstetrician used to joke that babies were parasites. They take exactly what they need from their host. She said it humorously but wasn’t joking. I’ve thought of it many times since having kids because sometimes I wonder what is left of me to be present. And it’s such a paradox because often when my kids need me most, I’m at my most depleted. As this quote from renowned psychiatrist Carl Jung says ”it is what you are that heals” that describes exactly what my kids are coming to me for, that surety, safety and knowledge of warmth that helps them soak away their hurts and fears.
If only I could be patient, funny and creative during the day then I can be thoughtful, deep and well-cared for at night. But when I try, the only thing that happens is that I end up exhausted for both. The answer is that I have to show up not only with my love but also with my needs, dreams and fears. It’s a threshold of entry that I must cross to be real with family, friends and colleagues.
My frequent excuse for not bringing all of me is that as a full-sized human, I don’t need as much so I lurk around living my life before they get up and after they go to bed. But every time I plan for us to do something that I want to do like go hiking, I’m rewarded that we all end up happier. Knowing that I want family to be a place where we are exercising and nurturing our most authentic, hopeful selves, I have to accept that includes me. It takes grit and courage but I know my kids will hold my hand, just as I hold theirs.
Surprised By Joy 