being – Surprised By Joy

Universal Timing

October 17, 2022Posted in meditationTagged being, doing, flow, patience53 Comments

“Many of us have been running for all our lives. Practice stopping.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

When I returned from my business trip three weeks ago, my nanny had left the extra garage door opener on the counter. I saw it and somewhere in the mix of putting things back where they belonged, I misplaced it.

Normally I’d spend hours looking for it. Because my default in life is doing. I’d much rather be driving action than just waiting for things to appear. I’m not good at being. Or unsolved mysteries.

But I don’t really need that extra remote. Sure, it helps when we go biking. However I think the practice of just being is worth the hassle.

It seems silly to make an object lesson out of the extra garage door remote but for me it’s all about the feeling underneath the drive to push. I have a million examples of things I want to steamroll with action instead of finding the flow of when the time is right: responses about the new work project, for my friend to return from her trip so we can talk, for fall to come before I put away the outdoor rug, to know what’s worth writing about instead of just what’s top of mind and on and on.

I spend a lot of time working and willing to happen. This will not be one of them. The more that I can put things in that category, the better I get at feeling the Universal timing. With more experience, I start to appreciate The Flow of Life.

So I resolved not to look for the garage door remote. Yesterday as I was preparing my kids to go a playground, I had a feeling I was going to find it. Sure enough, it was in the backpack of playground supplies – sitting right on the top. I laughed in appreciation and understood it was waiting for me to swallow my lesson to learn to go with the flow and stop forcing action.

Do you have a preference between doing or being? Do you practice the other?

Transforming to Just Being

May 25, 2022Posted in meditationTagged being, doing, productivity, transformation, work29 Comments

“Nothing has a stronger influence on their children than the unlived lives of their parents.” – Carl Jung

My 2-year-old cried in the car all the way to daycare yesterday. I cried all the way back. At issue for him was that after spending 3 ½ days out of school last week and then having to have a root canal to solve the problem, it’s hard to get back to the routine. Especially because his 6-year-old sister is now staying home from school with a sore throat. At issue for me is this is the way the last three weeks of work days have gone – X’s denote a day that one of my two kids was home (placeholders for today, tomorrow and Friday because I haven’t woken the kids up yet):

Because I’m self-employed, there are many things I’m so lucky to be able to swing because I don’t have any corporate meetings, I don’t commute and my boss understands the situation. With all that said, here’s my question – does any parent with primary parenting responsibility actually get any work done? And has any parent gotten work done since the pandemic started?

It seems from my informal small survey of two kids, that the non-Covid illnesses are way more prevalent in these days of getting back to group activities. If that’s the case, I’d suspect that this will even out over time. But I’m not sure that I will even out after two+ years of feeling like the fulcrum on which I’ve tried to create balance in my kid’s lives no matter what’s happening in the world. Here’s how that feels:

Of course this is a little tongue in cheek and you must forgive the crude artwork. But with that said, the problem is that it is sometimes hard to get some perspective from down there. It brings to mind the quote for this post from Carl Jung, “Nothing has a stronger influence on their children than the unlived lives of their parents.”

Which I take to mean that when we sacrifice any aspect of ourselves – whether for our children, our parents, our partner or anyone else in our lives, that part haunts the remaining parts of our lives if we don’t make peace with it. In my current situation, I’m having a hard time being successful at work. And aside from the monetary ramifications, it also impacts my ability to commit to things. Who am I if I’m not someone who can set deadlines?

In this process, I’m finding out that what’s getting squashed out is my self-conception. I’m becoming someone better at just being instead of being measured by my doing. I’ve said this before so I know I’m repeating myself but this is a process of transformation, so it’s taking some time. I still like to be reliable and productive. But I’m better at rescheduling something on my work calendar if I have to without it impacting my sense of who I am.

Dr. Gerald Stein quipped in a blog comment the other day, “”I wish I would have worked more’ said no one ever on their death bed.” But there is a wide crevasse to cross to understand how to put that into practice when we are in this middle part of our lives where we are responsible. I suspect parenting is one of the bridges that might help us get a leg over.

Has your conception of work changed during the pandemic or over time? Did parenting change it?

The Power of Being

November 30, 2021Posted in meditationTagged being, Carl Jung, children, friendship, healing, meditation7 Comments

“Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know.” – Carl Jung

This weekend I invited a friend who is dealing with a long-term illness to come hang out with us. Her husband called me afterwards to tell me that is exactly what she needs. When I asked what I could do to help, he responded that she just needed more of the same. Time spent just being with little ones.

I love spending time with my kids. But I often get wrapped up in the logistics – preparing food, changing diapers, keeping healthy. So it often surprises me when my friends visit and say, “That was good for my soul.”

There is a lot of mystery in what is good for our souls. But in this context I understand that to mean that being around humans that are so close to the source helps us shed a few layers. When enveloped in activities that have only to do with the fun of the moment, we get to leave behind the news, our plans for becoming something and maybe even our worries.

As I was talking with my friend’s husband, I realized I kept asking what I could do and his consistent response was just to be. It reminded me that isn’t just kids that can be good for our souls. Anyone committed to just showing up with each other and fully being is far more restorative than much of the busy-ness grown-ups often cook up. As Carl Jung says, “Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know.”