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Bottomless Questions

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“Keep your feet on the ground and your thoughts at lofty heights.” – Peace Pilgrim

When I awaken every morning, I tiptoe past both the kids closed bedroom doors and walk downstairs with the cat winding her way around my ankles. After I feed her and do a little stretching or yoga, I meditate. I have three or four books that I keep next to my meditation cushion and I read these short meditations as I sip my tea. The thing I like best about this practice is that when I flip to the page for April 20th in the Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo for instance, what is written there is usually something different that whatever is on the top of my mind for the day. It takes me out of my life for a moment to ponder a bigger or deeper theme instead of the logistics of my day.

So today when I opened another of my books, A Year of Daily Joy by Jennifer Louden, I loved that what she proposed, “Try asking bottomless questions – the kind that tantalize and stretch you.” Her examples were “How can I love more?” and “What do I want to create today?”

I sat with this idea for a while, watching the sun start to play on the house across from me, the birds flitting in and out of my plum tree, the feeling of observation starting to warm up my engagement with life and came up with this question “How can I bring curiosity into what I see and do today?”

The feeling of that question matches with my mood when I awaken. Light and open — and curious. My morning routine helps me set the tone for the day so that even long after what I read gets forgotten in the bustle of the day, I am still sustained by the broader horizon that came with my morning moments. I love the idea of posing that bottomless question to intentionally lengthen that note throughout the busy-ness of the day.

It’s Going to Be Great, Kid!

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“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.” – Sandi Lynn

As we were working on projects, my dad would frequently put his arm around my shoulders and say, “It’s going to be great, Kid!” And while on one level he was saying that the job to drywall, trim and paint would be transformative, he was also talking about life overall. When he died suddenly in that bike accident, it cut our conversation short but it didn’t end it because in the six years since his death, I’ve felt this phrase take solid root in me.

I’ve come to see each time that I feel the pang of missing him, which is often, it is an opportunity to incorporate more of him in my life. In a way that we don’t do with people when they are alive because we can rely on their presence to influence us, those memories of our departed loved ones are such guideposts of the ways that we want to be like them.

I have a long list of what I miss most about him. The way that I could rely on his steady encouragement, enthusiasm, and love. The twinkle in his eye because he thought life was great. And the warmth with which he would accept my problems, quoting scripture if I was able to hear it or just embracing me if I was not. Because my dad died without knowing either of my children, I miss him often in this journey of parenthood and each time it reminds me of one of these qualities that I want to embody for my kids.

The trick with “It’s going to be great, Kid!” is that it works best when used for the short-term and the very long-term. Today is going to be great, the arc of life is going to be great but we don’t want to dwell on the middle ground where our vision is a little murky. As a note, this also works with climbing mountains, a school year, projects and more as in the start of envisioning the project will be great, the end will be great but we’ll likely face some uncertainty and fatigue in the middle. The second key is “going” which implies that it’ll take a bit of work on our part. Next there is the “great” which says there will be something to celebrate but the word isn’t “perfect” and it isn’t “exactly what you want.” And the final word, “Kid” which honors that all of this is worth doing in relation to each other.

So on this anniversary of his death, I celebrate that “It’s going to be great, Dad!”

Only As Old as You Feel

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Wuhoo – Miss O is two!!

A few weeks ago, Miss O and I were talking about her birthday and she asked me, “Mama, are you two?” I answered that I was not but I’m changing my answer. Because there is a huge part of my heart that was born two years ago and blossoms in the light of Miss O’s sunshine. And then there is the other part of me that wants to be two because witnessing another human who is constantly learning and changing is so powerfully inspiring. Every day Miss O faces a world where she has not yet mastered anything – communicating, using a spoon, walking, understanding emotions — with a smile on her face, a bright light in her eyes and a budding sense of humor. She reminds me over and over again that it is who we are that matters and not what we know.

Has it all been a bed of roses? Pretty much –thanks to the village that has gotten us here! So here’s to being two, darling girl! We’ll grow up together because together, we can do ANYTHING!

No Prerequisites

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“Please remember, it is who you are that heals, not what you know.” – Carl Jung

Isn’t this what we learn from children and pets every day? They know little about how the world works but the light from within shines so brightly!

Stay….Forever

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The perfect guy: Makes me feel loved every day, deep and wise, athletic, kind, inspires me to be a better person, positive and optimistic with a great sense of humor. Thank you, Biscuit, for being that and more in your steadfast and enthusiastic way. From what I can tell you had 13 years, 8 months and 6 great days and 1 bad one and when you were ready to go, you communicated well, went quickly and made it as easy as possible on everyone else, just like you lived. RIP my dear friend and beloved boy.

A good dog never dies but stays in our hearts forever. I have the pics to prove it!