Beyond the Assumptions

Posted in kindnessTagged , , , ,

“We’re all different. Don’t judge. Understand instead.” – Roy T. Bennett

Two things this weekend made me think of a date I went on a dozen years ago. The first was participating in the No Kings march in downtown Seattle with my kids. It was energizing, funny, and peaceful. Nothing that matched the divisive way some politicians characterized it in advance of the event.

The second was a quip from Dr. Stein’s post, “Laughing to Normalize Our Lives.” In it he humorously suggests, “Recall the worst date you ever endured. Phone the person and invite them out for another try. This will distract you from the state of the world.” And then adds, “Bring aspirin anyway.”

Back to the date — it was with a guy from a rural part of Washington. I thought he was from Olympia, the capital of the state of Washington. Turned out he was from a small town on the peninsula west of the city.

When he saw my neighborhood, he exclaimed, “Wow, this place is a zoo. Everyone is right on top of each other.” He wasn’t wrong. There’s probably 15 feet between my house and the houses on either side.

But it’s normal to me, not a zoo.

He told me that when he told his friend he was coming to Seattle, his friend quipped, “That’s where all the men drive Priuses and sit down to pee.”

And to cap it all off, the guy brought a gun on the date.

Oh boy! All of this was surprising to me. I’ve lived in Seattle for almost 40 years and it doesn’t feel dangerous at all to me. Nor do the men seem like wimps.

But it was fascinating to get this peek into how others’ see us. The stereotypes, assumptions and fears that come with a different way of life. For example, when I told a friend about this guy’s reaction, he asked, “Did he drive a big truck?”

Seems like it should be the easiest baggage to put down our assumptions about others. But sometimes we don’t even realize we are carrying them.

I never did see that guy again but he had a really big heart. I’m pretty sure his veins flowed red when leaving the heart and appeared blue on the return. Just like mine.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

81 thoughts on “Beyond the Assumptions”

  1. I have always lived near a BIG CITY. My wife on the other hand grew up in a small rural town. Sometimes it divides us, even after over 34 years of marriage and knowing each other over forty years and living most of them in the suburbs of large cities. Wouldn’t it be amazing to sit down and find out how little really divided? If we could only tune out the noise…and listen. Have a wonderful week.

    Liked by 2 people

    2. Oh, I’m so fascinated by this Clay. That is so interesting that it still pops up for you two now and again. I think you’re right – how little we are divided! Have a great week!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Putting away these automatic assumptions is hard. I think they have grown historically to simply become the way societies classify their people and we continue to use that system even when it pushes division.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. If only we could communicate better. That’s all it needs – to listen, to hear, to explain – doesn’t it? So why is it so difficult for us?
    Thanks for making me question Wynne. 🧐

    Liked by 2 people

  4. What a great topic, I have been challenged with assumptions for years. I’ve found that as I’ve become more aware, I’ve become observant and curious. This was a major step in challenging my beliefs and conditioning. Isn’t it interesting to be able to see our patterns and learn from them?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love this comment, Laura. Curiosity instead of assumptions. So good. I think it’s so interesting to be able to see our patterns and learn from them. And it’s also hard! Good for you for doing that!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Interesting date! I wonder if he left with the same thoughts about the “zoo,” or had his perception changed? Hopefully it changed—for the better.😊

    Have a wonderful week, Wynne!🌸💕

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for the shout out, Wynne. Seems like “My mom is smarter than your mom,” is something some kids never get over. By the way, you ARE smarter, though far too young to be my mom!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. What a terrific reminder about the assumptions we make, Wynne. I’ve always lived in small to medium size cities. My husband grew up on a farm and his family can be quite judgemental when it comes to to “citiots” as they call us. It’s very frustrating. Even after 30 years of marriage, I still feel like I don’t measure up to their standards of baking, cooking, keeping house, and gardening.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. So when is Bubba picking you up in his muddied big red pickup to go hunting Bigfoot for your follow up date Wynne?
    … not that I’m making any assumptions 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  12. such a good lesson for both of you, who each made assumptions about the other. I would so have loved to have known what he said or thought after the date, and had actually come to the city and met you.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. That’s such a good story about the assumptions we make about other people. Good lesson to remember. The first time I took my boyfriend (now husband of 40 years) to downtown Snohomish it was 5 p.m. on a Friday. We drove down 1st street and out through the front doors of a saloon rolled two guys tumbling in a fight. My husband was shocked and commented about all the trucks with gun racks in the back windows. Yes, that was my hometown, less than an hour north of Seattle!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. There’s nothing better than a bad date story. Especially when it’s someone else’s bad date! I can’t help but laugh over his erroneous assumptions. C’mon…guys sitting down to pee is totally a LOS ANGELES thing, duh.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I’ve chuckled and sighed when you’ve mentioned this wacky date story to me in the past but I love, love, love how you treated the topic here, dear Wynne. I know I can always use this reminder, so perfectly put:
    “Seems like it should be the easiest baggage to put down our assumptions about others. But sometimes we don’t even realize we are carrying them.”
    Wow. And yes. 💝💝💝

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I love your ringing endorsement of the reminders we need. It’s so easy to fall into that trap isn’t it? And thanks for so patiently listening to my well-trod topics. I appreciate you, my friend! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Quite a funny story for a first date. We’ve been to Seattle and are surprised about the assumption your date and his friend had. Having said that, my husband and I were both were raised in the country – he on a farm, and me in the woods – it feels a bit stifling for us to go to bigger cities and see homes so close together. There’s no room to run freely, plant gardens, or park the tractor. LOL. 😂
    But this was such a timely post for me, Wynne, I just had someone terribly misjudge me at a business. It still stings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry about the judgment, Rose. That does sting. I hope it’s clear that misjudgments say oodles about the person making them and not you.

      I’m laughing about no room to park a tractor because I heard that from a guy who was dating a friend of mine. You’re absolutely right that there isn’t room for that in our city lots and I can understand that it feels stifling!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. OMG, Wynne, what a funny (scary) date story. I think it’s possible he was showing some insecurity stepping outside of his world and could only “put down” what he didn’t understand/was familiar with. You are so right about assumptions. As I get older, I try opening my eyes wider to take in the many possibilities on why someone is or isn’t a certain way, or lives a certain way, I hate jumping to conclusions. At the end of the day, we DON’T know.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love this, Melanie! You’re right – we DON’T know. And it’s just too easy to assume. Love that you intentionally enumerate the possibilities. What a great approach, as always, my friend! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Having never been on a bad date (or being a bad date!), I have trouble relating to those type of stories. (Wow, I actually typed that with a straight face…) My worst date was a long time ago, but still hard to forget.🙃 Wynne, great post on the assumptions we make, and that baggage we lug around which we don’t even know we are carrying. Making assumptions about others sets us up for immediate failure towards effectively communicating. Everyone loses.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sets us up for immediate failure — oh yes, you are so right about that, Bruce! I’m laughing about you being able to type that with a straight face. Thank goodness you and Mrs. Chess (is that still the correct nickname?) are together and there are no more bad dates!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wynne, with the “rebranding” aka starting a site anew, Mrs. Chess is now Mrs. B. While I kept the chessboard image, since it wasn’t in the title of the blog itself anymore I moved to a “simpler” reference to my better half. Mrs. B had a much better ring to it than Mrs. Apocalypse lol.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. The gun part threw me for a loop! Glad it was not put to use – from what I can glean in your story! It’s so funny the perceptions we hold about each other and places from our own place of perspective!

    I’m so happy and inspired that you three took part in the No Kings Protest. Every part and voice matter in standing up for democracy!

    PS. Good luck to the Mariners tonight. One of our city colleagues will be happy at the end of the night! What a fight to the finish!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Ab, congratulations on the win. We love the Blue Jays – except for when we are facing them in game 7!

      The No Kings Protest was so fun. My kids loved it – as did I!

      And yes…the gun. Thank goodness it was not used. 🙂 Too funny!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Wynne. I’m a bandwagon fan so I have less investment in the outcome. 🤣 Although I am happy for Toronto; it’s a nice boost for our city’s morale. The Mariners were amazing and fought till the end. There will be a win for them in the future!

        Liked by 1 person

  21. Great reflection, my friend. It’s always fascinating to hear people talk about how dangerous or crazy a city is. Assumptions based on false information or one-sided opinions cannot be turned into facts unless personally corroborated. Every city in this nation is safe, and to say otherwise is wrong. The people making those claims have probably never set foot in a truly unsafe city in countries that Americans can’t visit, the ones the Department of State warns travelers to avoid. I like Dr. Stein’s advice to bring aspirin, yes, and plenty of them.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. We do get accustomed to where we’re living. I’m more of a small-town guy, but I do love visiting big cities. Let’s hope that Seattle doesn’t become another place with the National Guard “protecting” the city.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I’m glad you guys got to march in the rally in Seattle. We had some rallies up here in my neck of the woods as well, even though I wasn’t able to attend. Yes, when I think about people whose values (and political views) seem to be diametrically opposed to mine at first, I realize that beneath it all, we basically want the same things.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Great photo and quote- and I like Dr Stein’s re-dating idea😁 It’s funny, as I read the line about Priuses (I’ve owned 2 and still have 1), I thought “this guy probably drives a monster truck..😁 But your point about the heart and veins is well taken- imagine what could happen if we all calmed down and tried to understand each other 🤯

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m laughing about the Priuses. Those are good cars – can’t believe that guy’s friend said that! Mr D’s sign for the rally was “Donald Trump could watch and learn and be calm.” His words so he’s right there with you, Todd!

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Awesome you took the kids to the No Kings Rally!
    Got a kick out of your date. That could leave you never dating again! lol. I’d say it was good you didn’t follow the advice for a second date even with red turns blue, your Tylenol load could kill you 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The No Kings rally was so fun, Cindy! My kids loved it.

      Ah yes, the date. It was best left at one no matter how big of a heart he had. You make a good point about the load of Tylenol. 🙂

      Like

  27. What a date, Wynne, and I love how all of you went to a rally. We didn’t participate, but we drove by and honked our horn a million times. I love this post about assumptions, so true. By the way, we were just talking about taking a long weekend trip to Seattle because we’ve never been. Something fun to plan for next year. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  30. How true. Have you ever seen the Heineken Beer video “Worlds Apart”? It takes strangers (who don’t know that they have opposite beliefs) and introduces them through working a project. At the end it reveals their differences. Awesome approach to confronting stereotypes & assumptions.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. It really is fascinating to look at our own assumptions and those others make, and what a great point about how sometimes we don’t even realize we’re carrying those assumptions.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Dr. Stein, advice is truly hilarious, and yes, we do all hold some type of assumptions of those around us. The kids/parents in my neighborhood call us the “rich/cool” house. We have an annual tradition of handing out regular size candy bars for Halloween. The reality is we buy two boxes when they go on sale in September, and the 60 bars are usually gone in an hour or less allowing us to end Halloween early…lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Such an interesting topic, Wynne! I have had the good fortune to have lived in extremely remote places and in cities. There are definitely a lot of assumptions among the people living in those extremely different places about each other, and many are wrong and even mean spirited I think. I always want to point out the good things I can share about the places I hear others complain about. I’m currently in a very small and remote community and a friend here said, “You look different. You talk different. You like everyone—and we don’t even like each other that much! You’re like some foreign diplomat.” I laughed so hard! And took it as a compliment! Maybe we need to send country diplomats into the cities and visa versa. 🥰 Great to hear you enjoyed the No Kings rally. So important!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I love the diplomat idea, Lori! That is so good. I think your friend’s comment was definitely a compliment – that’s wonderful! Thanks for sharing your story, I think it all helps for us to understand each other better!

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.