It Makes Me a Learner

Posted in confidenceTagged , , , , ,

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” – Mary Anne Radmacher

A couple of days before Miss O had her field day at school, I mentioned it to her. Much to my surprise she groaned.

“Why that response?” I asked, thinking of past years where she loved all the silly games like the Mustache Dash where you run with a piece of licorice between your lip and nose, and the water balloon toss.

My almost nine-year-old daughter replied, “I don’t like it when I try my best and don’t win. It makes me feel like I’m a loser.”

Oh. All I could think to say in the moment was, “Well, the only way you have a chance of winning is to try.”

But I couldn’t stop thinking about how early we learn that it hurts not to win and the feeling of competition.

I think the trait that has served me the best is my willingness to try. So I find it fascinating to consider all the things that teach us not to try.

To be fair, parenting has also given me insight into the many things I’m not interested in trying. Weird foods, holding insects, and playing with slime come to mind. Even trying comes with some limits. Or wisdom. Whichever way you want to look at it.

Fortunately, the topic of field day came up the next day so I had another shot at handling it. Miss O brought up the topic of practicing. And I concurred that we don’t practice things like potato sack races on a regular enough basis to have any predictable chance that we’ll win.

But then I was magically gifted the next thing to say, “When I don’t win, I don’t think it makes me a loser. It makes me a LEARNER. There isn’t a thing I can think of that I’ve lost that hasn’t taught me something.”

Funny how hard it is to continue to stay open to being a try-er!

(featured photo is Miss O trying a game at field day)

53 thoughts on “It Makes Me a Learner”

  2. Oh this is wonderful, Wynne. A great teachable moment both for you and Miss O! I sure wish my day included potato sack races and mustache dashes too. 🙏

    Liked by 3 people

  3. A good approach for sure. But it saddens me to be reminded that kids are exposed to the winners vs losers mindset at such early ages. One thing I love about running races is that finisher medals are put around each person’s neck as they cross the finish line. The message is that everyone’s a winner who does their best. If only that could always be the mindset.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear you, Jane! But I’ve come to appreciate these moments to reframe things when the stakes aren’t very high. Seems like we get to practice our “learner” status before life amps up the volume.

      Happy Canada Day, Jane!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I love Jane’s point about ‘finishers’. So many moments that matter…every day…including Field Day! Miss O’s ability to express what she’s feeling is soooo good. And then you add the layers of reflection and insight as you chew on her thoughts, furthering your own? Wowza! 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

  9. “Losing” has been my greatest teacher, and has given me my most valuable gifts of grit and resilience. How wonderful to understand and celebrate this lesson with our children at an early age. Brava, Wynne! (As always ❤️)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love how you put it, Natalie! “Losing” is a great teacher! Here’s to resilience – you make it look so good, my friend!! ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

  10. I’ve had lots of fun being a “tryer” and a lifelong “learner”. But I can commiserate with Miss O’s groan, I’d still like to feel more like a “winner”. Perhaps I need to pay better attention to what winning feels like, and reframe what “winner” means.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. This only begs the question: Why aren’t potato sack races a cherished backyard sport? If we can throw sand-filled bags at tiny holes on wooden boards and call that fun, why not race around in potato sacks? I say we start a movement.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. De Coubertin, the founder of the Olympics, said that the most important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part; the essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well. I cannot agree more on that. I am with you Wynne, a never ending learner!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I had to laugh at the point you don’t practice potato sack races enough. So glad you were able to teach Miss O a valuable lesson about learning. She’ll probably still be competitive, but hopefully still believes in herself when she doesn’t do as well as she’d hoped.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Trust you, dear Wynne, to always make the lemonade. What a gift that is to your little learners—and to yourself as well! Would that all parents parent with such grace, love and wisdom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, thank you, dear Julia. Lemonade happens to be my specialty! And my little learners show me the way by always being up for it! Good to see you, my dear friend!! ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

  17. I think I definitely have learned much more about myself – and life – in “losses” than “wins,” Wynne. That which does not kill us makes us stronger – I really, really do believe that. I also believe that no matter how much I practiced, I would never have had a successful potato sack career.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes – those wins don’t really teach us much, do they? But we probably had a lot of learning on the way to winning! Maybe we can start a “learners” division of the potato sack races. I’ll be right there with you, Bruce!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I love this Wynne, “When I don’t win, I don’t think it makes me a loser. It makes me a LEARNER. There isn’t a thing I can think of that I’ve lost that hasn’t taught me something.”
    It’s similar to the phrase I’ve heard, “Sometimes you win. Sometimes you learn.” I believe it!
    Wise little Miss O gets wiser everyday thanks to her mama. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, that’s a great phrase, Alegria! And you’re right – wise little Miss O gets wiser every day and I’m not sure it has much to do with me! Thanks for the lovely comment, my dear friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. I love the concept of being a learner and a try-er! None of us were born being the best at everything, we had to try and to learn to find our niche and our specialties. What a wonderful insight and life lesson here. 💞💞💞

    Like

  22. If at first you don’t succeed, try again, eh? What a wonderful way to encourage your kids to keep at it. Where would any of us be if we weren’t try-ers!

    Like

  24. “I’m a Leaner,” oh how I love that! You are absolutely the best at managing those unexpected situations and turning them into positives. Hugs, C

    Like

  26. I greatly appreciate the school/summer camp for not giving out participation awards, but allowing children to lose it’s a great lesson, and a part of life.  Which is why I love the quote at the end of your post.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Pingback: Emanating Joy – Surprised By Joy

Comments are closed.