The Glass is Refillable

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“Only the closed mind is certain.” – Dean Spanley

This was previously published on 9/28/2022. Heads up – you may have already read this.

I was traveling last week, something I haven’t done without my kids in 7 years. I’d perfectly engineered the school drop-off and transfer to the nanny, filled the fridge with food, done all the laundry, and even unloaded the dishwasher. I thought I had everything well in-hand.

But then I got to the airport and all my planning fell like a stack of cards. My flight was delayed. My transportation to the hotel when I arrived at the destination changed so I needed a last minute rental car. I took a wrong turn and had to back up in a strange car on a dark road. I didn’t know how to navigate New Jersey turnpike tolls and was guessing. I got to the hotel so late that they were no longer serving food so I ended up eating the cup-of-soup noodles you get by pouring hot water over and they are only marginally less chewy than styrofoam. Then as I gave up and just tried to sleep, I could hear a very faint security beep if I lay on my left side so I had to only lie on my right. Anytime I forgot and turned over, I woke up.

I was tired, pissy, disappointed and completely spent.

More than that – I was surprised. My congenital optimism as described in  Rose-Colored Glasses had predicted none of this. When a couple of days later I talked this over with my friend who is a self-proclaimed pessimist, I asked if optimists and pessimists suffer the same amount: optimists from disappointment and pessimists from catastrophizing.

My friend asked something like, “Why can’t you set your expectations differently?” Well, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get that right either. I could imagine how things would go wrong but I doubt I’d be any closer to reality.

“People who wonder if the glass is half empty or full miss the point. The glass is refillable.”

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Refillable – yes! But first I have to empty it of all the bubbly stuff I put in there to begin with. What works for me is to get up every morning and meditate to make friends with uncertainty. That practice of mindfulness helps me to embrace that I have no idea how things are going to unfold, no matter how much I’ve planned…or maybe even more poignantly, how much I’ve dreamed.

Whether we come at it from a perspective that everything is going to be great or that nothing is going to work, the truth remains that we don’t know. Even the people that I’ve met who identify as realists don’t know how something will unfold. Being optimists, pessimists or realists might set the tone of how we feel about the day before us but the mystery of life remains that we can’t predict how life will turn before us.

This brings to me something I heard Franciscan Priest Father Richard Rohr say about certitude.

“The thing called certitude is a product of the enlightenment, and it did so many good things for us, science and medicine but it made us feel that we have a right to something that we really don’t. Our ancient ancestors grew up without expecting that. So they were much more easily able to hold on to mystery in general, God in particular. Whereas we worship workability, predictability, answers – we like answers.

We think we have a right to certitude.”

Father Richard Rohr

With the help of meditation, I come back to knowing that I don’t know and then I feel more able to improvise. When I touch uncertainty, I let go of my plans. When I empty my head and hands of the vision of me being in charge, I more readily accept the mystery unfolding before me.

The glass is refillable. Indeed it is. I concede that it might be my optimism that gets me up and ready to practice refilling it. But whatever it is, I have to work at it every day, meditating in order to make friends with uncertainty in a practice to embrace the mystery again and again.

Meditating on uncertainty on my recent trip helped me enjoy the experience: it wasn’t as I had expected but it had lots of twists and turns that fed me in significant way. That interpretation might sound optimistic but it’s much deeper than that – its meaningful. And isn’t that part of what we ultimately want from life?

(featured photo from Pexels)

48 thoughts on “The Glass is Refillable”

  1. I would identify as a realist, with optimist leanings, but you are absolutely right, we don’t know for sure. I would also say that not only is that glass refillable, you can also tip it over and empty its content when you are overflowing and drowning.

    I must say that I am envious of your ability to travel without the kids! It surely comes with stress, no doubt, but must also be nice! 😆😊

    Hope you’re all enjoying your week. This one is just flying by so quickly.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. “not only is that glass refillable, you can also tip it over and empty its content when you are overflowing and drowning.” What a powerful addition, Ab. Right!

      You’re right – the ability to travel without kids, even if just briefly, is a luxury! Hope you are enjoying your week!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wynne, you handled this nicely. I am so glad to be off of the road after 30 years. I adapted to such traveling snafus, but it wasn’t pretty at all. As they say, “S*#t Happens” and then you regroup and move on. You got this girlfriend, finding your peace from within. 😍💖😊🙏🏼😘

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for the repost of this beautiful piece, Wynne. I’d forgotten about the Father Rohr quote and it’s so applicable…as a reminder, a resource, about how to engage every single day…especially this: …”enlightenment…did so many good things for us, science and medicine but it made us feel that we have a right to something that we really don’t. Our ancient ancestors grew up without expecting that. So they were much more easily able to hold on to mystery in general.” You know how I feel about mystery and being open and ready to receive. xo, dear one! 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “I come back to knowing that I don’t know.” This is so powerful, Wynne. There is something truly freeing in releasing the reigns, or at least loosening our grip.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. My flrst year of college my friend Athena (wisdom!) gave me the book The Wisdom of Insecurity. The theme was we don’t know what is going to happen. I think traveling reinforces that point the most!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that book title and that it was given to you by Athena! And you are so right – traveling is such a powerful reminder. No wonder we grow whenever we do it!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You are so right: “Whether we come at it from a perspective that everything is going to be great or that nothing is going to work, the truth remains that we don’t know.” I find my morning routine keeps me grounded. If I don’t have time for my walk, prayer and three pages I’m off kilter all day.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The idea that the glass is refillable strikes me as only slightly less optimistic than the expectation that things will work out well this time. Indeed, the glass can sometimes be refilled.

    If time were infinite, then the gift of more time would increase the chances of a refill. Aging and mortality tells us, however, that the chances of a refill have a limit.

    Another way to think about possible disappointment, however, is to accept what happens and recognize you have the resilience and awareness to adapt, change, sometimes try again, and, in the end, accept life’s and fate’s terms if refilling the glass eludes us.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You have me thinking, Dr. Stein. I have to go back and read what I wrote again because I don’t think things will necessarily work out the next time – just that I can restore my willingness to try again. You have a good point that our tries are not endless.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I’ve read somewhere that the source of all our anger and frustration is when things don’t go the way we want. If we had the capacity to accept what is instead of what we want life would be a lot easier. Agreed. I remember when my daughter Kelley decided to be an art major during the worst economic downturn in decades but she still found a great job despite all my worry. Or when they canceled a trip I was looking forward to but we ended up cycling on the Douro River in it’s place and had a fabulous time. I love your practice of meditation to strengthen your ability to manage the uncertainty of life. Hugs, C

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh wow, such rich examples, Cheryl! I could totally see anger and frustration as a result of our expectations. That makes so much sense! Love seeing you, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. The glass is refillable, but we don’t necessarily have to refill it with the same experience! We get to choose differently in life.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Indeed! I’ve found that many times my expectations are set on a long-standing and engrained default. But once I actively practice awareness, it breaks that chain. It’s the classic but challenging principle of choice. Choice of mindset between action and reaction. Once I embraced a less rigid expectation, no matter what happens, my mind is more open to take on what comes my way. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I love that – the glass is refillable. I learned fairly early in life that we don’t know…what the day or life itself will bring. I always remember kissing my husband goodbye in the morning not knowing that was the last time I would kiss him. Since then, I try to take each day as it comes and be thankful for the good times, appreciative of the strength to get through the bad times.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I tend to be an optimist too, but admit there are times (as your experience proves) when expectations can melt into a puddle of disappointment. What I’m aiming to become is an UP-timist–someone who looks up to God, even in the midst of difficulty, trusting that out of his love, goodness, and wisdom, he will do what is right (Romans 8:28). As an UP-timist I want to look for God’s blessings even when suffering through pain, hardship, or grief. I want to embrace his peace for me–no matter what (Philippians 4:6-7). (I’m a work in progress!)

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Tara calls herself a realist, but I don’t believe in such a thing. I feel like declaring yourself a realist is actually a pessimistic act. You’re one or the other; just own it!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Interesting and phenomenal blog post Wynne. Well, I am impressed as usual by the way, you write these articles, you really ate good at pulling readers in with your words.

    Also, the title “THE GLASS IS REFILLABLE” is quite a great catching one and it highlights the daily duties we do as people. When things go out of stock like the food at home, water buckets and even data in our phones, they need to be filled. Life is like that, everything is refillable. Even at work, when you leave or are fired, you are replaceable or in this case refillable. Yeah, life can be hectic huh?

    Anyways, great post even though it dates back to 2022. Have a great week ahead💯🙏🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What an insightful comment, Mthobisi. Yes, we refill everything else – so let’s remember to fill ourselves. Thank you for your kind words. Good to see you here!

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